Hiya! Long time no see. How's everyone doing? Anyone seen any new Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer memes? Economy still fucked? Yeah? Good, good.
So hey, I wanted to check in and direct you over to this fantastic new website. I may kinda sorta know the person behind it and let me tell you, she's incredible.
Gofraudme is a one-stop shop for news and views on crowdfunding fraud, scampaigns, and general GoFundMe fuckery. There's even a super cool GoFundMe fraud tracker map of just about every publicized GFM scam in the last few years. That resource may have kinda sorta taken forever to put together, so you better use it and like it.
Head over, take a look, and give a shout if you have any feedback. I will, uh, pass it along to the awesome person who put all of this together. Or something.
When it comes to social media and cops, tools at their disposal have led to some pretty unhappy criminals in custody over the years. Most recently in my neck of the woods, Henrico cops were able to identify a robbery suspect within 12 hours of posting CCV shots of her face all over teh Internets. And yes, you read that right, it was she. And white! OMG.
A little more well-known case is that of Donald "Chip" Pugh of Ohio, who wasn't feelin' his mugshot (who ever does?) so he went ahead and sent cops a better pic.
Pugh was arrested 10 days after Lima, OH PD posted his updated, "not terrible" selfie.
Now, back to the issue at hand. Criminals aren't the only ones getting creative with social media, as evidenced by the clever bastard behind the screen at the Grayson Police Department in Grayson, LA. The minuscule town of just 525 souls must have one hell of a meth problem if this trick is even necessary:
For those with script-blockers or Win 3.11 OS or Carrier Pigeon 2.4, the Facebook post reads:
Breaking News: Louisiana Meth Supply Possibly Contaminated With Ebola. Meth recently brought in from Texas as well as the ingredients used to make it could be contaminated. If you have recently purchased meth in the Grayson area, please bring it to the Grayson Police Department so it can be screened with a special device. Do not use it until it has been checked for possible Ebola contamination!Unsurprisingly, the public service announcement did not manage to entice a single concerned meth addict into the police department for a meth safety check. Boo.
Now, I'm no chemist but I've watched enough Breaking Bad to know that it's pretty likely any contaminants in meth ingredients would be obliterated in the cooking process, ignoring the fact that the ingredients and resulting product are pretty much one giant contaminant in and of themselves. But whatevs.
I'm making a promise here and now: I will not spend the next several months wasting my breath on Trumpisms or the election at all really because as a libertarian I don't have a dog in this fight anyway. Plus it's stupid, stupider than elections before it that were pretty stupid. But I digress. Let's talk about America.
Rather, let's talk about the phrase in question: Make America Great Again
I am of the belief, as a born and raised American citizen, that despite its numerous issues and problems, America is pretty great. In fact, I identify with America in that respect -- like my beloved country, I too am kind of fucked up sometimes and don't always make the best choices but at the end of the day, I am pretty amazing. I'm kind of an asshole but I mean well, and in that way me and America are 100% kin.
I'm what you'd call a new-ish American in that my people only found their way here in the last 100 or so years. None of us came over on the Mayflower, nor owned slaves or put their names on buildings that have stood on street corners in Manhattan since the 1800s. I could be wrong about that and I'm sure a relative who hate-reads JDA will email me later to tell me just how wrong I am but as far as I know, we're somewhat late adopters of this whole America thing. Still, I'm glad we got here and I'm pretty into being an American. It's pretty rad. I'm all about doing my own thing; I'd surely be dead by now if I had been born in, say, Syria. So yay fate, good lookin out.
That said, I don't entirely grasp what greatness we would get back to should certain word-vomiting hot air factories somehow become president of the United States.
I am reminded every day when I hike along the James River in scenic Richmond, VA which I currently call home just how ungreat America can be. The river walk I take to the grocery store has markers for the Richmond Slave Trail all along the way -- a reminder that human beings were once bought and sold on the very streets I now trot along in workout gear on my way to get craft beer and frozen pizza. My neighborhood held the port that made Richmond the largest source of African slaves on the east coast from 1830 to 1860; it's now a growing, trendy riverside hive of loft apartments and art galleries.
I don't want to see America made "great" like that again. I'm ashamed that kind of ungreatness is part of my history as an American even if my people had no part in it.
Obviously no one wants to return to slavery days. We have offshore operations in China to handle that for us. So what else is great about America?
To me, it's that little girls like I once was can still tell our Montessori school teachers "I'm gonna be whatever I want to be" when we're asked -- at age 3 -- what we want to be when we grow up. I mean seriously, who the hell asks a 3-year-old what they want to be when they grow up and expects a serious response? According to my mother, may she rest, I was the only one who didn't say fireman or nurse or policeman. I said whatever I want to be and to me, that right there is the American spirit. That a 3 year old believes she can and will be whatever she wants to be in a long-distant future she can't possibly imagine when she grows up. I wish I could go back in time just to give that little girl a big high five, as she was more right than she could ever possibly know at that young age.
That would have been about 1984 which probably wasn't that good of a year for any of you who remember it. Thankfully I don't, only the parts my mom repeated back to me.
I have brief flashes of the 80s. I remember my single mom working her ass off to provide for us, with a little help from social services which served as a safety net. I remember powdered milk and weird cans of government food that lacked any graphic design integrity whatsoever but who cares, we ate that day. I remember when Challenger blew up but mostly I remember seeing it blow up again on Punky Brewster. I remember Hands Across America and being happy it got us out of class for an hour or two as we lined up outside of our inner city Milwaukee elementary school. I remember weird ass Slim Goodbody with his creepy fro telling us to be active and I remember Nancy Reagan, may she rest, telling us all to Just Say No which of course led to an entire generation of drug users.
And then I remember the Internet. The first time we fired up our brand new Windows 3.11 computer in 1994 that I think my mom paid $1500 for (in 1994 money and on Best Buy credit, natch), it was like the world had suddenly opened up. As an angry, too-smart kid from Wisconsin, it was incredible to know I now had the entire world right before me. Up until then, I'd hide in the local library and read Hume while lamenting the fact that I was just an angry, too-smart kid from Wisconsin.
Is that the great America we want to get back to? Kids like me stuck between Gen X and a hard place trying to find our way in the world on the Internet while our idol Kurt Cobain was finding his way out via shotgun to his head? Ugh, no thanks.
Is it the 50s ideal my grandmother subscribed to? Because that wasn't so great either as far as I can tell. Did any of you watch Mad Men FFS? The 50s and everything that came after kinda sucked. Though I really dig their idea of "the future," the fruits of which I am still fucking waiting for *coughcough* flying cars.
The thing is, all this talk of getting back to some mystical place we never actually were is ignoring just how far we've come. Again, I relate to America in this way. America used to be kind of shitty and oppressive but over the years, it has matured and come into its own.
I like the America that allows gays to marry. I like the America that is embracing free speech in ways it never thought it would. I like the America that extends me the right to protest the Fed with my kid and then take him out for ice cream after while giving him a lesson in monetary policy by saying we can get ice cream but the Fed is going to take a cut because they're printing our money so we can only afford a $2 ice cream even though we have $4 as the Fed took the rest so our bank could loan out money on the money actually in our account.
I kind of like America how it is. I get it, we have some major issues. But how exactly would we even start to make it great "again"?
When exactly was it great? Please tell me. I'm dying to know. It was good. It always has been. But when the fuck was it great?
OK. Allow me to preface this by saying I think Donald Trump is a toolbag. But seriously, stop with the Nazi references.
I'm just going to say it. Nazi is the new faggot. Nazi is the new nigger. Yes I said it. Nazi is what you call someone who doesn't agree with you, because what's worse than a Nazi? Nothing. STOP IT.
Mike Godwin wrote in WaPo late last year:
My Facebook timeline and Twitter feed have been blowing up lately. And whenever that happens, it’s almost always because someone’s making comparisons to Hitler or Nazis or the Holocaust somewhere. Sure enough, as Trump pontificates about immigrants or ethnic or religious minorities, with scarcely less subtlety than certain early 20th-century political aspirants in Europe did, people on the Internet feel compelled to ask me what I think about it.
Why? Simple: Because 25 years ago, when the Internet was still a pup, I came up with Godwin’s Law. In its original form, Godwin’s Law goes like this: “As an online discussion continues, the probability of a reference or comparison to Hitler or Nazis approaches 1.”
This guy is an ass. Must be a Nazi! Do you people not watch MSNBC Lockup? There are some serious legit Nazis on that show and some of them are even endearing what the actual shit but OMG.
Do you assholes even know what a Nazi is? Have you ever met one? I have, and the funny thing is they aren't terribly awful people except for the whole white supremacy thing plus they generally have felonies so they can't vote but I digress.
Will you just stop with the Nazi references? Nazis = bad. Trump = bad. That doesn't mean they are the same thing. That's like me saying cat shit = bad. Nazis = bad. Therefore my cat shitting on my floor = Nazis. My cat just shit in my bathtub because he's an asshole so therefore Nazi? Some guy looked at me funny earlier, he must be a Nazi. RuPaul eliminated Kandy Ho from Season 7 of RuPaul's Drag Race before I wanted so therefore RuPaul must be a Nazi!
NAZI NAZI NAZI! Seriously. Stop. You are minimizing what generations before us actually lived through, a truly horrific reality involving dickheads way worse than Trump. Are you people really that stupid? Actual people died. Has Trump killed anyone? Pretty sure no.
Jesus H Christ, get it together. You're disrespecting the bad ass WWII survivors who came before us by trying to pretend like some dick on Twitter is as bad as Josef Mengele sticking your twin with viruses while you rot away in a concentration camp. FOR REAL, people died FFS. As bad as Trump is, as far as I know he hasn't experimented on twins or gassed Jews in ovens. Stop.
And yes I said it. Someone had to. Is that what this election is coming to? If so, count me out.
Trump is not a Nazi. He is a dick and there is a difference. Get your shit together. This is all I am going to say about it. I just want this to be over.
OK, first of all I need to apologize. I insisted the Fed wouldn't pull out from ZIRP until not a day before my 60th birthday in the year 2040 and obviously that didn't happen. Yay FOMC, you found some balls!
That said, I don't think anyone should be surprised by today's announcement. This pulling out isn't a big grand pulling out, it's more like a slow, slow, slow, super slow pulling out. And that is definitely the way to go given that these fools have no idea WTF is going to happen once they pull out for real.
You've all read the announcement by now but let's revisit anyway:
Information received since the Federal Open Market Committee met in January suggests that economic activity has been expanding at a moderate pace despite the global economic and financial developments of recent months. Household spending has been increasing at a moderate rate, and the housing sector has improved further; however, business fixed investment and net exports have been soft. A range of recent indicators, including strong job gains, points to additional strengthening of the labor market. Inflation picked up in recent months; however, it continued to run below the Committee's 2 percent longer-run objective, partly reflecting declines in energy prices and in prices of non-energy imports. Market-based measures of inflation compensation remain low; survey-based measures of longer-term inflation expectations are little changed, on balance, in recent months.
Consistent with its statutory mandate, the Committee seeks to foster maximum employment and price stability. The Committee currently expects that, with gradual adjustments in the stance of monetary policy, economic activity will expand at a moderate pace and labor market indicators will continue to strengthen. However, global economic and financial developments continue to pose risks. Inflation is expected to remain low in the near term, in part because of earlier declines in energy prices, but to rise to 2 percent over the medium term as the transitory effects of declines in energy and import prices dissipate and the labor market strengthens further. The Committee continues to monitor inflation developments closely.
Against this backdrop, the Committee decided to maintain the target range for the federal funds rate at 1/4 to 1/2 percent. The stance of monetary policy remains accommodative, thereby supporting further improvement in labor market conditions and a return to 2 percent inflation.
OK seriously not even being a smug asshole here, I'm good with this. Take it slow, baby. Many of us expected absolutely nothing before 2075 so really, any move is better than the Fed sitting there like a limp noodle while the economy blows a load on its ass.
The 2 percent inflation target is what matters here. The Fed has clearly tried every trick in its book over the last several years to fire that baby up, and inflation remains a frigid lover. Poor Fed. Here it is flouncing around, making romantic dinners and scheduling date nights but that damn inflation just doesn't give a shit.
From Business Insider:
On why the Fed lowered its rate-hike expectations, Yellen said the committee felt that achieving its desired economic outcomes would require a lower path of interest rates than what it saw in December.
She said the Fed could overshoot or undershoot on its 2% inflation target, and its tolerance for doing so in either direction is equal. She noted the divergence between survey-based measures of inflation (which have been low) and market-based expectations (which have been on the high side.)
Overshoot? Girl, please. Y'all haven't overshot anything since 2006 when Bernanke said housing prices couldn't possibly fall. Don't get ahead of yourselves now.
Personally, I'm down with the Fed taking it slow. Slow like a slow jam from the 90s. That slow. With some Cool Water and those fancy light switches that adjust yaknowwhatimsayin.
Surely you've heard of the Ashley Madison hack, I don't need to catch you up.
When I stumbled across the dump of .gov addresses registered on the site, I naturally did a quick search for a few favorite agencies. The IRS appears more than once, as does the Treasury, but the one I was really interested in was the Federal Reserve Board. Not to be confused with Federal Reserve banks, which don't appear in .gov dumps as they are .org because there's this really complicated, quasi-governmental thing going on that we don't need to get into here.
Only one frb.gov address appears in the Ashley Madison data. Just one. One poor bastard stupid enough to use his work email:
According to LinkedIn, he was an Analyst at the Board for 17 years until he left for the Federal Housing Finance Agency in 2012.
I have to say, I'm impressed by the lack of Board employees in the hacked data (excepting this dude, of course). Sure, a small part of me hoped to find Ben Bernanke trolling for ass among all that data but we all know he and so many of his Fed colleagues are smarter than that. Or at least used non-work emails. I mean come on, dude.
Just in case the economic masterminds over at the Fed needed another reason to continue dragging their heels on an interest rate hike, the far more insidious economic masterminds at the IMF have kindly requested the Fed hold off just a little longer.
Hiking interest rates too soon could stall the U.S. economy, the International Monetary Fund said Tuesday, embellishing a prior call for the Federal Reserve to hold steady until early next year.
The Fed should wait to move until it sees “clear signs of wage and price inflation,” the IMF said, which is “benign” at the moment. The IMF comments came from its annual report on the U.S. economy and an ensuing press conference.
“We feel there is space for them to wait,” said Nigel Chalk, the IMF’s U.S. mission chief, noting that inflation is far from the Fed’s 2% annual rate target. As measured by the personal consumption expenditure price index, the annual growth in inflation was just 0.2% in May.
The market has its money (no pun) on a rate hike in December of this year, which just goes to show how clueless the market can be.
Once again, we're back to the challenge of heating up the economy without setting that bitch on fire and burning it to the ground. What a conundrum for our friends at the Fed!
From the IMF:
Inflation pressures remain muted. In May headline and core personal consumption expenditure (PCE) inflation declined to 0.2 and 1.2 percent year on year, respectively. Long-term unemployment and high levels of part-time work both point to remaining employment slack, and wage indicators on the whole have shown only tepid growth. When combined with the dollar appreciation and cheaper energy costs, inflation is expected to rise slowly staring later in the year, reaching the Federal Reserve’s 2 percent medium-term objective by mid 2017.This is the second time in as many months that the IMF has warned the Fed to cool it on a possible rate hike, which seems alarmist considering the Fed's inaction thus far. And by "thus far" I mean "for the last 7 fucking years."
Calm your tits, IMF, it's not happening this year.
Last month, the FDIC put Chief Information Officer Barry West -- who only took the position in November of the year previous -- on leave. As it turns out, he's still MIA.
The Business of Federal Technology (FCW) reports:
Nearly a month after FCW reported that Barry West was not in the office on June 4, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation’s CIO was still missing from duty.
FDIC spokeswoman Barbara Hagenbaugh confirmed that West had not returned to work as of July 1, and it remains unclear exactly when and why he first went on leave.
Multiple sources in government and industry have told FCW that West is facing an investigation over alleged misconduct in a previous government position. West served as CIO at the National Weather Service, FEMA and the Commerce Department between 2002 and 2007 before leaving federal service on Jan. 1, 2008.
Oh Barry, where are you? Just let us know you're OK dude. Are you at least microchipped so in case if someone finds you running around DC circles as a stray they can scan you and find your way home?
When traveling within the domestic United States, I expect my stuff to get rifled through by the TSA. I am prepared for a young TSO to pull out my adult novelties and whip them in the air asking "what is this?!" and I'm prepared for additional screening when below the neck piercings set off certain "what exactly is that you're packing ma'am" alarms.
What I don't expect is for a TSA spokesperson -- whose salary is paid by the very people she so easily mocks via tweet -- to put my shit all over blast on Twitter.
Her bio reads "TSA Public Affairs spokesperson Lisa Farbstein shares transportation security information and tidbits," which I guess includes the private financial situation of any air traveler unfortunate enough to end up on the wrong side of TSA procedures.
There is absolutely nothing illegal about carrying around $75,000 in cash in an airport as long as you are flying domestically. Nothing. Not one thing. Sure, maybe it is sketchy but so is packing a vibrator next to your laptop, what business is that of the TSA's?If you had $75,000, is this how you'd transport it? Just asking! TSA @ #RIC spotted this traveler's preferred method. pic.twitter.com/lriNbivmsT— TSAmedia_LisaF (@TSAmedia_LisaF) June 30, 2015
According to the Washington Post, Farbstein said "the carry-on bag of the passenger alarmed because of the large unknown bulk in his carry-on bag. When TSA officers opened the bag to determine what had caused the alarm, the money was sitting inside. Quite unusual. TSA alerted the airport police, who were investigating."
OK. That doesn't explain why you thought it was within your jurisdiction to tweet it out to the entire world, lady.
Now, it's worth noting the cash was seized by an unnamed federal agency, though Richmond International spokesperson Troy Bell told WaPo "I don't believe the person was issued a summons or a citation."
Word to the wise: it might be legal to carry that much cash into the airport but unless you want TSA blasting your business on Twitter and then calling in the authorities to steal it from you, you should probably leave that kind of dough at home.
Thank you, TSA, for your continued diligence in keeping me safe. Can you imagine if that $75,000 had made it onto the plane? Scary.
So what you're saying is, the minority is now the majority, right? Therefore your headline is shit. Just say "non-white" if that's what you want to say, FFS.
Is the economy not fixed enough for your taste? Still feeling a little down about low or negative interest rates, global political chaos, lack of opportunity, falling purchasing power and overall economic malaise? Fear not, there's an easy solution to that: plague.
Forgive me, but the link comes from my favorite guilty pleasure, the Daily Mail:
It was the devastating pandemic that wiped out half of medieval Britain’s population.
But the Black Death also had a surprising, and far more cheery, side-effect on our culture. It inadvertently gave rise to the birth of the English pub as we know it today, according to Robert Tombs, professor of history at Cambridge University.
He told an audience at the Chalke Valley History Festival, sponsored by the Daily Mail, how the Black Death, or bubonic plague, which reached this country in 1348 and killed millions, was followed by a period of higher wages and a boom in the brewing industry as British resilience shone through.
So you see, all we need is for half of the population to die off and VOILA, all our problems are solved. This would also eliminate a ton of debt, as there's no possible way for anyone to pay their student loans or credit cards if they've collapsed in a pile of boils and dead. So, there's that added benefit.
‘The unparalleled trauma left surprisingly few visible traces,’ he said. ‘Subjected to unimaginable horror, people carried on, and so the disaster was survived.
This resilience even created the opportunity for greater freedom and prosperity.’ Wages rose and prices fell, and the purchasing power of working people hit a new high.
Real incomes shot up by 250 per cent between 1300 and 1450, he said, and reached a level by 1500 that would not be permanently exceeded until the 1880s.
250%? Can you even imagine it? We as modern, toilet-flushing, plague-free Americans need $470.90 to purchase the same item that cost $20 in 1915.
Sure, things were way different back in 1300. And 1450. And 1500. And the 1880s. But you get the point.
Maybe all we need to dig our way out of this economic hole we're in isn't for the Fed to implode the economy by growing a pair and pulling out of unprecedented economic life support but plague, rats and all. Big, big rats. And crumbling infrastructure that barely supports sanitation and public health. Oh wait, we have that last one. So yeah, just rats.
So, some nutjob gunned down 9 churchgoers in South Carolina the other day as I'm sure most of you heard. That's tragic. What's more tragic is that the focus is now on pulling down Confederate flags instead of addressing the fact that 9 people fucking died. Truth is, the fucker would have snapped with or without a flag, so why the hell is everyone so fixated on the damn flag?
Here's the thing -- you know what a flag is? A piece of fabric, strung together in some kind of recognizable pattern. Like the very dollar bills you have in your wallet now worth some arbitrary amount simply because we all are under the collective delusion that a piece of paper (or cotton/linen mix as is the case in the good ole US of A) with numbers on it is "worth" the numbers printed on its face.
Internet vigilantes (sometimes confused with "activists" or "people who actually do something when they aren't attaching to the news item of the day") are, understandably, taking a strong position on this whole flag thing, as Gizmodo reports:
Widespread anger that the Confederate flag still flew in South Carolina’s state capital, Columbia, reached a boiling point after US and South Carolina state flags were lowered to half-mast in the wake of the killings. But not the Confederate flag, which is padlocked into place.While the growing movement began on social media, it was galvanized by a searing article in The Atlantic by Te-Nehisi Coates, “Take Down the Confederate Flag—Now,” that has since been shared more than 300,000 times on Facebook. Coates wrote:The Confederate flag’s defenders often claim it represents “heritage not hate.” I agree—the heritage of White Supremacy was not so much birthed by hate as by the impulse toward plunder. Dylann Roof plundered nine different bodies last night, plundered nine different families of an original member, plundered nine different communities of a singular member. An entire people are poorer for his action. The flag that Roof embraced, which many South Carolinians embrace, does not stand in opposition to this act—it endorses it.
What's sad to me is that it takes some nut kid killing 9 people to get a bunch of Internet warriors worked into a lather about a flag. As if, somehow, the flag made the kid do it. Did the flag give him a gun? Did it breed him, "nurture" him, and tell him to go into that church that day and kill those people? Had the flag never existed, would he have done it in the first place? Those questions are all rhetorical. Without the Confederate flag, he would have likely still grown up to be a sick racist, and would have still killed those poor innocent people in that church that day. So why are so many stuck on that flag?
This country has an awful history. I walk along memorials marked "Richmond Slave Trail" every day when I'm working out. Slave Trail! Like hey, either we bury that shit like it never existed or, you know, we put some markers in the sidewalk and acknowledge it -- whatever we do, the fact remains that it happened and we should be ashamed of it.
Some could argue our own American flag -- the one our servicemembers fight for, the one we hold in such high regard, the one that stands for everything we believe in like freedom and opportunity and fuck yeah America -- stands for racism. Because what did we do to the very people who inhabited our great land before we got here? Oh right.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think the Confederate flag should fly over any state capital any more than I think my panties should fly up a state capital flagpole. But this is America, and one thing we have is the freedom to be who we are, even if who we are is a racist piece of shit, as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else's right to live their life.
If a fellow American wants to fly a giant Confederate flag off the back of their jacked up Ford F150, what do I care? I'm sorry you have a small penis and are obsessed with a war the South lost long before you were born but whatever, do what you want as long as you don't hurt people.
Are we going to let one pathetic, broken, twisted person take away what makes this country great? Are we really that petty, that misguided, that divided as a country to put all our focus on a piece of fabric rather than what broke this sick fuck in the first place?
It's time to get real, America. Either you want freedom or you don't. Freedom includes the right to be a racist piece of shit (as long as you don't infringe on anyone else's right to exist, also be racist, etc) and the flag you're so upset about falls under that. As John Oliver says, it's just an easy way to tell if you're a racist asshole. Stop focusing on the damn flag and look around.
You have to give the easy money whores some credit (haha credit, get it?!), at least they are committed to their punk ass bitchness. From the FOMC statement released yesterday:
To support continued progress toward maximum employment and price stability, the Committee today reaffirmed its view that the current 0 to 1/4 percent target range for the federal funds rate remains appropriate. In determining how long to maintain this target range, the Committee will assess progress--both realized and expected--toward its objectives of maximum employment and 2 percent inflation. This assessment will take into account a wide range of information, including measures of labor market conditions, indicators of inflation pressures and inflation expectations, and readings on financial and international developments. The Committee anticipates that it will be appropriate to raise the target range for the federal funds rate when it has seen further improvement in the labor market and is reasonably confident that inflation will move back to its 2 percent objective over the medium term.
The Committee is maintaining its existing policy of reinvesting principal payments from its holdings of agency debt and agency mortgage-backed securities in agency mortgage-backed securities and of rolling over maturing Treasury securities at auction. This policy, by keeping the Committee's holdings of longer-term securities at sizable levels, should help maintain accommodative financial conditions.
No worries, y'all, we can wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
Those of you who have enjoyed the Fallout franchise as I have are likely going to think the same thing I did when I heard about the Vivos Europa One -- a 76 acre, nuclear-proof, underground compound reserved for a handpicked group of "lucky" filthy rich folks.
Hmm, where have I seen an idea like this before? OH RIGHT.
Now, if we learned anything from Fallout, it's that underground micro societies in a post-apocalyptic wasteland are a terrible idea. You're better off fighting your way through mutated ants and dirty drug-fueled punks than rotting away in a "secure" vault.
But some of us are used to luxury and therefore will demand such in the event of global anarchy, widespread bioterrorism attacks, or even collision with the mysterious and probably unlikely Planet X. That's where Vivos comes in.
Forget dingy common rooms and rusty toilets like we see in Fallout, Vivos Europa One is the real deal.
Who doesn't want to relax and catch some fluorescent rays poolside? You won't even realize the world is going to shit above you!
Vivos already has a "budget" bunker in Indiana that boasts "tasteful" furnishings, geothermal heating and cooling, full size showers and bathrooms, ATVs, and a theater. It claims the bunker is set up for a year of autonomous survival -- after that, someone's going to have to pop a Rad-X and head out into the heat if you know what I'm saying.
If being stuck with a bunch of strangers in a vault doesn't sound like your idea of a good post-apocalyptic party, Vivos can also supply you with your own personal shelter in a box, which you can DIY in a couple weekends on your own property! Boy, would I love to see that on Pinterest Fail.
Here's a little more on the new bunker in Germany from Forbes:
Additionally, the shelter will include a collection of zoological species, an archive for the most precious artifacts and treasures of the world, a DNA Vault to preserve and protect the genomes of millions of donors, and a modern day “Hall of Records”, to autonomously survive virtually any catastrophe or disaster for several years. Vivos will retrofit, equip, furnish, stock, supply and convert this complex into a state-of-the-art, contemporary complex.
Private improvements will include all of the typical amenities enjoyed by the floating counterparts, including pools, theaters, gyms, a kitchen, bar, bedrooms and deluxe bathrooms. The possibilities are limited only by each member’s personal desire.
Vivos will provide each living quarters with power lines, plumbing for water and sewage, HVAC systems, communications lines, security systems, internet and closed circuit systems.
Internet, huh? Well good, I'm sure there are plenty of people -- myself included -- who will want to live tweet the apocalypse. I'd also be highly interested in checking the Daily Mail to see what their editors have to say about apocalypse fashion and celebrity mutants.
So, I see only a few small problems with this luxury bunker.
First, it's really only designed to support inhabitants for 6 months to a year. Then what?
Second, support staff. You really don't expect these billionaires to serve themselves at the bar, do you? Just how long do you think the plebeians will serve their masters in a true disaster scenario?
Third, ongoing costs. Vivos expects inhabitants to pay maintenance costs in the event of bunker activation. What are they going to pay with? Are billionaires going to bring truckloads of cash with them? If so, that'll be helpful when the bunker runs out of toilet paper I suppose.
Good luck with that, Vivos.
- The Fed is Pulling Out Slowly and That Should Turn You On, Or Not
- No Donald Trump Is Not a Nazi and You're An Asshole for Saying So
- So Just When Was America Great, Again?
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- So, Just One Dude at the Federal Reserve Board Was Looking for Tail on Ashley Madison
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- Answering the Question "Is BB&T a Good Bank?" Part 2
- What in the Hell Happened To LandAmerica?
- The Social Network To Beat All Social Networks: PRSM!
- a billy club to the balls
- and not a single fuck was given that day
- are you insane or just stupid?
- can I actually use these financial statements or can I just toss them away?
- did you actually say that out loud?
- do I look like a bitch to you?
- don't trip it's fake money anyway
- end the fed
- Fedbashing is a full time job but at least I have a job
- federal reserve asshats
- go fuck yourself
- has an auditor ever told you your controls suck?
- hindsight is 19.9 on an economist's scale
- I can't believe you buy this
- I know exactly what you're doing and want you to stop doing it
- I'm not quite sure what you're trying to do but keep doing it
- in this economy
- just another day in the Capital Wasteland
- money supply
- oh shit
- oops we screwed that one up didn't we?
- pay now or pay later it's all the same to me
- shit he's printing money again
- wtf is this shit?
- you must really think we're stupid
financial commentary heroes
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