Alright kids... here we go again. Let's see how much of this I can get through before I pass out.

$650,000,000 for Wildland Fire Management programs

$135,000,000 for Indian Health Services

$410,000,000 for Indian Health Facilities

$150,000,000 for the Smithsonian facilities

$3,250,000,000 for Training and Employment services under the Department of Labor

$120,000,000 for community service programs for the elderly (what?!)

$160,000,000 for the Office of Job Corps

$400,000,000 for State Unemployment

$160,000,000 MORE for the Office of Job Corps facilities

$1,000,000,000 for the Department of Health and Human Services (So is Tommy Thompson going to ask for RFID grants?)

$88,000,000 for Department of Health and Human Services HQ replacement

$412,000,000 for the CDC

$300,000,000 for the National Institute of Health

The Conservatives are going to love this one:

The Committee recommends an additional $2,700,000,000 for the Office of the Director, half of which will be transferred to the Institutes and Centers. The Committee strongly urges that, to the extent possible, the funds should be used for purposes that can be completed within 2 years. In particular, the Committee recommends placing a priority on: short-term new grants that focus on specific scientific challenges; new research that expands the scope of ongoing projects; research on public health priorities such as influenza, tuberculosis and malaria; and stem cell research.

$1,110,000,000 for vague "research comparability" projects, with nearly half available for the Secretary of Health and Human Services to use at will.

$2,000,000,000 for the Child Care and Development Block Grant to subsidize child care costs.

$400,000,000 for "social services" for laid-off or otherwise displaced persons

$2,100,000,000 for Head Start

$100,000,000 for senior meal programs

$5,000,000,000 for Health Information Programs (didn't we see that earlier?!)

$5,800,000,000 MORE to the CDC for disease prevention with this interesting caveat: The Committee believes that CDC's State portfolio managers have been successful in making the most efficient use of multiple funding streams.

$750,000,000 for vaccination projects

$15,000,000 for newborn screening

$60,000,000 for CDC research and screening, including under the Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System

$13,000,000,000 for the Department of Education

$17,070,000,000 for school improvement programs

$1,000,000,000 for educational technology grants

$16,000,000,000 to rebuild public schools

$13,500,000,000 for Special Education

$610,000,000 for Rehabilitation Services

$110,000,000 for independent living programs for the disabled

$13,869,000,000 in Pell grants

$100,000,000 for improving teacher quality

$3,500,000,000 for modernization of higher education facilities

$160,000,000 for AmeriCorps

$40,000,000 to cover the National Service Trust against market losses

$890,000,000 to limit the administrative costs of Social Security (WTF are you talking about?!)

$20,000,000 to the Government Accountability Office

$3,012,922,000 for military construction - it starts off as if the families of American soldiers will receive help with housing but turns into a masturbatory G.I. fantasy using everyone's favorite word: infrastructure

$410,973,000 for the Homeowners Assistance Fund so military personnel do not have to take a large loss if permanently deployed and forced to sell an overvalued home in today's market.

$637,875,000 for Army construction projects

$990,092,000 for Navy and Marine Corps construction projects

$871,332,000 for Air Force construction projects

$118,560,000 for other vague and non-stated military construction projects

$150,000,000 for Army National Guard "readiness centers"

$110,000,000 for Air National Guard

$3,944,100,000 for the Department of Veterans Affairs

$1,370,459,000 for VA facilities

$64,961,000 for the National Cemetery Administration for "capital infrastructure" and construction projects. The dead need stimulus too, damnit!

$1,105,333,000 for "major" construction projects for the VA and the National Cemetery Administration

$939,836,000 for "minor" construction projects

$257,986,000 for extended care facilities

$60,300,000 for Arlington National Cemetery

$180,500,000 for the Department of State Administration of Foreign Affairs (Glorified NWO gopher, supposedly will create 1000+ jobs)

$75,000,000 for Worldwide Security Protection (Whatever the fuck that means)

$524,000,000 for the Capital Investment Fund to upgrade government IT programs. Again. Sense a theme here?

$98,527,00o for the Comprehensive National Cybersecurity Initiative to prevent cyber crime

$305,473,000 to upgrade IT systems

$224,000,000 for border "construction" (keep in mind those are THEIR quotation marks, not mine) and maintenance projects on U.S./Mexico border (Come on, you didn't think we cared about the Canadian border, did you?!)

$100,000,000 for Obama to upgrade as he wishes. No shit, it actually says "to the President" for IT modernization under the United States Agency for International Development

$45,467,750,000 for the Department of Transportation

$5,500,000,000 in additional state transportation money

$200,000,000 for FAA facilities and equipment

$27,060,000,00 MORE for "highway investments"

$250,000,000 to the Federal Railroad Administration

$850,000,000 to AMTRAK

$2,000,000,000 for a high-speed rail corridor investigation

$8,400,000,000 for public transportation systems around the country

$100,000,000 to the Maritime Administration

$510,000,000 for the Native American Housing Block Grant

$5,000,000,00 to the Public Housing Capital Fund

$2,250,000,000 for the Neighborhood Stabilization Program from your friends at HUD

$1,600,000,000 for the Homelessness Prevention Fund

$3,500,000,000 to Section 8 low-income housing

$79,000,000,000 for a new State Fiscal Stabilization Fund which will help offset state defaults

Interesting:
Title XV establishes the Recovery Accountability and Transparency Board (the Board) to provide oversight and transparency of expenditures made under the authorities provided in this act.
The Board will coordinate audits and investigations conducted by agency Inspectors General and will consult with the Government Accountability Office and State auditor generals as those entities perform similar oversight. The Board also will initiate and conduct independent audits and investigations, including holding public hearings. The Board's activities will ensure continued and coordinated oversight of spending so that taxpayer dollars are used effectively and efficiently while avoiding waste, fraud, and abuse. The Board's activities will ensure that entities receiving Federal funds will be held accountable for how taxpayer dollars are spent. The Board also will provide transparency for the taxpayer by posting on the Board's website up-to-date, easily understandable information about spending authorized in this act.

That's so cute.

Well, kids, that's it for Obama's little stimulus. Now that I've got it down to the penny (okay so I may have missed a few hundred billion here or there, sorry!), it looks an awful lot to me like a U.S. government bailout.

Stimulus? Seriously? You sure?