Sorry, SpongeBob, we're going to have to close the Krusty Krab,
couldn't cover payroll this month...

So this morning somewhere between the coffee and the shower I caught some crap on CNBC on the plight of small business, with the bubbleheaded idiot behind the desk asking "is this because of CIT?" as if suddenly the CIT news could take a long hard acidic piss on those precious green shoots overnight. I've nearly given up on the media and if it weren't for the chance to watch Chris Dodd pretend like he isn't in bed with the Fed by growling menacingly at Ben Bernanke (outrage on one palm, check written "PAY TO" in the other) I'd keep the damn teevee off in the morning.

Anyway.

Small business is fucked. Shock and awe.

Small business seeks help in U.S. economic storm (via Reuters)

U.S. small businesses say they feel slighted by the Obama administration and efforts to shore up the economy, with large companies taking much of the government's attention and stimulus cash.

The government decision last week against bailing out small business lender CIT Group raised fears of thousands of companies left without funding for day-to-day operations, and the lack of support showed big corporations can get bailout cash but small business interests are less pressing, some say.

With only some potential relief buried in the healthcare reform proposals in Congress, small businesses feel pushed aside in the stimulus and recovery efforts, they say.

"There has been nothing really in all the stimulus package that has really helped small business in general," said Kelli Glasser, president of Exhibit Concepts in Dayton, Ohio, whose 87 employees build trade show and museum exhibits.

"Most of the help has been in the form of supporting loans, but we're not looking for loans right now," she said. "We're not looking to heavily invest in equipment. We're just trying to keep our doors open."

Small business is not that small, representing 99.7 percent of all U.S. employer firms.

Now I can't speak on behalf of the small business which I am employed by since this blog is the author's opinion only and completely independent of any professional affiliations but I sincerely hope these morons aren't calling for a small biz bailout. If we go there, I'm going Mark Sanford - Obama can shove his stimulus directly up his ass. I prefer saving the company the old-fashioned way; you know, busting my ass. That's how they did it in the "good old days" before Hank Paulson weaseled up to the Hill and transfixed Congress with his creepy pinky to unleash the TARP hounds.

Arf.

I mean, what, did you think a few hundred million to a government agency would help? That's not even a dent.

"Only $730 million going to the SBA didn't really help the small business owners," said James Tracy, president of America's Best Companies in Illinois, which represents small businesses nationwide.

"Small business owners are having a tough time financing themselves today because I believe that the stimulus plan should have allowed for more loans to small business owners," he said.

Round two. Don't say I didn't try to warn you.

If small businesses are waiting for help from Obama, they'll be eaten alive. I saw a figure somewhere that over 70% of small businesses could not find access to funding (that's where the bubblehead came in and said "is that because of CIT?!?!?" - shut the fuck up and don't open your mouth again until we say you can) and frankly I'm not shocked.

But if small businesses are standing at the mailbox like the moronic Americans who are still under the mistaken impression that they will be receiving another stimulus check this year, frankly I have little to no sympathy.

I did have some sympathy but I had to put it on Ebay to cover PP&E for Q2.