Bank of America: Officially the Bastard Child of Banking

Listen, investigators and legal folks, because Jr Deputy Accountant is such a nice person, she's going to make this "investigation" really, obscenely fucking easy. BERNAULSON. Go there and you'll figure out the rest.

This should be fairly obvious to anyone paying attention. The only unanswered question is why BAC? What makes Bank of America special? They're all doing it. Surely $C U Next Tuesday has larger and more sinister sins to confess.

Case in point:

Citigroup Inc., the U.S. bank rescued by $45 billion in taxpayer funds, won dismissal of a lawsuit by investors who bought auction-rate securities from the bank’s brokers.

U.S. District Judge Laura T. Swain in Manhattan today granted Citigroup’s request to dismiss the case, which combined five class-action, or group, suits. Swain didn’t rule on the merits of the investors’ accusations, saying the complaint was insufficient and a new one can be refiled.

“Plaintiff’s complaint does not include specific allegations as to which defendants performed what manipulative acts at which times and with what effect,” Swain wrote. “Instead, plaintiff relies on general and conclusory allegations regarding defendants’ practices in connection with ARS auctions.”

The dismissal is the New York-based bank’s second victory in two days in lawsuits over auction-rate securities. Swain yesterday tossed out a case in which the firm’s officers and directors were accused of breaching their duty to the bank by manipulating the market for auction-rate securities.

At least 39 proposed class actions have been filed against 19 broker-dealers since the $330 billion market for auction-rate securities collapsed in February 2008. Investors accuse the financial institutions of steering them to instruments promoted as safe as cash that turned out to be illiquid and couldn’t be redeemed. They also accuse the banks of manipulating the market by taking part in the auctions.

Tell that to the LandAmerica 1031 Exchange victims. At some point Richmond Fed is going to have to answer the "what the fuck were you thinking?" question when their new legal counsel is thrust into the spotlight but for now they can get away with keeping her tucked away. Maybe with the Girl Scout Cookies.

Oh, but we were talking about Bank of America.

Atlanta Business Chronicle:

Bank of America’s purchase of Merrill Lynch last year is the subject of a criminal investigation that’s been under way for the past six months, the Charlotte Observer reported Friday.

A BofA (NYSE: BAC) spokesman declined comment. Spokesmen for the FBI and DoJ would not confirm nor deny that a probe is under way.

The report suggests the heat is rising on BofA and its leadership. The New York Attorney General’s office is expected to soon file charges against BofA CEO Ken Lewis and other members of the bank’s management team over accusations of misleading shareholders.

“We have provided thousands of documents and had numerous meetings with various government agencies regarding the Merrill Lynch transaction,” Bank of America spokesman Scott Silvestri told the Associated Press. “And we continue to believe that there is no basis for charges against the company or individuals on the management team.”

California’s largest bank is also under investigation in its home state of North Carolina, where North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper’s office confirmed an investigation is underway.

Isn't it funny how that works? Not to defend Bank of America, I am merely saying they are no more (allegedly) guilty than anyone else (*coughCitigroupcough*).

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.