Ding-Dong the Dollar is Dead

Oh dude. The dollar is fucked! I sincerely hope you've long since diversified away from greenbacks and if you haven't, please don't come near me as I don't want to catch whatever brain-eating disease it is you've got that would compel you to stick with the funniest of the funny money.

WC Varones has some sound advice on investments and was kind enough to extend his expertise to my good friend Exuberant Accountant. See? Isn't it great when we can all play nice together?

Anyway. Pay attention, this stuff is important. Put down the remote and grab the scissors, we're debt-free from here on out.


The dollar may drop to 50 yen next year and eventually lose its role as the global reserve currency, Sumitomo Mitsui Banking Corp.’s chief strategist said, citing trading patterns and a likely double dip in the U.S. economy.

“The U.S. economy will deteriorate into 2011 as the effects of excess consumption and the financial bubble linger,” said Daisuke Uno at Sumitomo Mitsui, a unit of Japan’s third- biggest bank. “The dollar’s fall won’t stop until there’s a change to the global currency system.”

The dollar last week dropped to the lowest in almost a year against the yen as record U.S. government borrowings and interest rates near zero sapped demand for the U.S. currency. The Dollar Index, which tracks the greenback against the currencies of six major U.S. trading partners, has fallen 15 percent from its peak this year to as low as 75.211 today, the lowest since August 2008.

The gauge is about five points away from its record low in March 2008, and the dollar is 2.5 percent away from a 14-year low against the yen.

“We can no longer stop the big wave of dollar weakness,” said Uno, who correctly predicted the dollar would fall under 100 yen and the Dow Jones Industrial Average would sink below 7,000 after the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. last year. If the U.S. currency breaks through record levels, “there will be no downside limit, and even coordinated intervention won’t work,” he said.

China, India, Brazil and Russia this year called for a replacement to the dollar as the main reserve currency. Hossein Ghazavi, Iran’s deputy central bank chief, said on Sept. 13 the euro has overtaken the dollar as the main currency of Iran’s foreign reserves.

This is, in essence, a big bitchslap for our buddy Zimbabwe Ben who is probably stunned by this news. What do you mean dollar fears?! Huh?!

Check it out, ZB, I'm a fucking genius too you know. Like could have kicked your ass on the SATs if I hadn't have been hungover when I took mine (and still came pretty damn close). And I can speak from experience when I say that some of the most brilliant people I know are total idiots. Personally, I am often confused by broken escalators. I know, stupid, right?! So, Dr Bernanke, I've got your damn card. I know how it is, you're probably sitting there scratching your bald little head going "well wait, why do these people not buy Geithner's line about a strong dollar policy?!"

Well allow me to answer that question for you, my dear money-printing maniac, it's because actions speak louder than words and your actions say "Holy fuck I'm out of my God-forsaken mind and will be over here imploding the dollar if anyone needs me, thanks!!"

You're welcome. Bitch.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.