Meet the SEC's New Enforcement Unit Chief
If, up until now, you have ignored me when I've gone off on anti-SEC rants, now might be the time to grab the flaming pitchfork and join me in calling for the end of inept regulation. The SEC is a posterchild for waste, corruption and ignorance and sadly the agency does not seem to be trying very hard to clean up its image with this little move.
The SEC's newest member is a 29 year old with a resume that includes Deloitte and - wait for it - Goldman Sachs. Yes, kids, the cat is permanently away and your "new normal" includes putting the criminals in charge of the prison.
The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission named Adam Storch, a 29-year-old from Goldman Sachs Group Inc.’s business intelligence unit, as the enforcement division’s first chief operating officer.
Storch, who joined the SEC Oct. 13, was named to the newly created post of managing executive in the enforcement unit, charged with making the division more efficient, the SEC said today in a statement. At New York-based Goldman Sachs, he had worked since 2004 in a unit at that reviewed contracts and transactions for signs of fraud.
“Adam’s skill in technology systems, workflow process, and project management will greatly benefit the division,” SEC enforcement chief Robert Khuzami said in the statement. “He will help to make us more efficient and nimble and permit us to put more of our investigators on the front lines.”
What do you mean "permit us," Mr Khuzami? Did Storch bring a permission slip from Goldman Sachs when he came over to the SEC? Dear Mr SEC, my child Adam Storch is allowed to regulate, when appropriate, and can also attend the field trip on 10/24/09. Sincerely, Mr Blankfein.
A 29 year old?! As a 28 year old myself let me tell you, this is beyond disheartening. We should not be in charge of anything, much less our nation's regulatory enforcement. We are a generation of self-centered, lazy morons (yeah I said it) and sure there are a few exceptions but for the most part, no one my age will do anything unless they get a pat on the head and a "good boy" gold star just for pissing in the toilet instead of on the floor. Looking at Storch's resume, I am guessing he's got the pissing in the toilet part down.
So that makes you wonder how the SEC plans to incentivize their new hire. Does he get to spend extra time on Facebook during the day? 4 day workweeks? Can he come to work in a tshirt and boxer shorts if he wants? Surely Mary Schapiro has been through "working with Gen Y" training? If not, she better hurry up and do it, she's got absolutely no idea what the SEC just set itself up for.
Storch holds degrees in accounting and finance from the State University of New York at Buffalo and studied at New York University’s Leonard N. Stern School of Business. He has certifications in accounting, fraud examination and auditing.
Before joining Goldman Sachs, Storch was a senior analyst at accounting firm Deloitte & Touche and an intern at Neuberger Berman LLC, a New York-based asset management firm.
Deloitte? Please, the Big 87654 are the Goldman Sachs of accounting. What certifications, Bloomberg? A CPA by itself means nothing, trust me, I work with them every day. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together who can figure out how to fool the system into thinking they know what they are doing can pass the CPA exam as long as they know how to digest information through their left brain.
It isn't even worth pointing out here that the SEC is stupid - pure and simple - for taking this guy on, credentials aside, surely the SEC has heard that the sheep are getting a tad pissed these days? It defies logic.
I like Skeptical CPA's idea (17 October 2009), The SEC is Hopeless, Kill It. I also like his reaction to Storch's hiring. Quote: "Hahahahahaha. Regulation? Hahahahahahaha."
I read something that called Storch the SEC's Boy Wonder. Really? If this is the best the SEC can do, what the hell are they still doing in business?
Storch climbed through the ranks to become "Vice President" of Goldman Sachs (or so says his LinkedIn) less than a decade after graduating high school? Pretty good for a kid from a state college. Guess it's all about who you know.
I'd like to point out here that Storch, like a majority of CPAs, only did his required 2 years in public accounting and bounced so his time and Deloitte doesn't really count. It's his time as Chief Executive Baby Vampire Squid that we might want to pay attention to.
Anyway. Bullshit as usual. Thanks, SEC, for sending a clear message that you just don't give a shit what we think nor whether or not we believe you are legit. This hire clears up any confusion on that front.
Update: WC Varones has an alternate interpretation of this press release. I am wont to point out here that "giant" might be a bit of an overstatement. In fact, one of Goldman's arguments against Taibbi's infamous RS article was that the "great" in great vampire squid (wrapped around the face of humanity... blah blah blah you know it by now) is in fact a misnomer. [Notice Goldman didn't argue that they weren't wrapped around the face of humanity]
The vampire squid is rather small, reaching a maximum of 13 cm ML (Nesis, 1982/7), and is very gelatinous; its consistency is that of a jellyfish. It occupies meso- to bathypelagic depths throughout the tropical and temperate regions of the world's oceans. The second pair of arms is modified into retractile filaments that can extend to lengths well in excess of the total length of the animal, and they can be retracted into pockets within the web. The filaments, presumably, have a sensory function.
So what I personally think is happening here is that Goldman has an issue with not being... great enough if you know what I mean. It's the same reason why guys buy Hummers. Think about it.
Thanks, WCV, for reminding us of that part of the story.
Update 2: Check out Storch's credentials as SEC enforcement COO, this AWESOME pro-Bill Clinton blog (via Wall Street Manna).