Still Buying Nothing?

Monday, November 30, 2009 , , 0 Comments

First of all, Cyber Monday is a perfect example of why this country is as fucked up as it is. An entire day spent on the boss's dime surfing Online sales, as if standing in line at Wal-mart at 3 in the morning wasn't enough? Don't give me that "lunch hour" shit, it takes me at least an hour and 45 minutes to find the right color tube socks (might I recommend the pink and black striped cupcake crossbones? Fuck yeah).

Not sure if you guys noticed but most retailers started the Online sales early. On KTVU, I saw some asshat sleeping in front of Best Buy 3 days early so he could get a big screen for himself on Black Friday that was available Online for the same discounted price.

In fact the Black Friday theme this year seemed to be me, me, me with not-so-petrified shoppers heading out to get the crap they've been holding out for all year. Clothes. TVs. PlayStation 3s. Get 'em, consumer, retail is counting on your greedy, self-centered ass to end their year without a bloodbath!

Anyway. BF is gone. It's Monday, get to proceeding to checkout, you lazy bastards.


Nearly 100 million shoppers are projected to hit the web on Monday to seek out heavily discounted merchandise as retailers continue their efforts to build holiday momentum.

The record 96.5 million online shoppers that are expected would top the 85 million visitors during last year's Cyber Monday, according to, which coined the phrase five years ago and has been tracking the day's action since.

Just about all retailers plan some kind of promotion on their sites, whether it be pure online stores or web units of traditional brick-and-mortar retailers, with many offering free shipping.

Many shoppers are expected to do their online buying through their cell phones, a sharply growing phenomenon that was also seen during Black Friday.

Cyber Monday is one of the busiest online shopping days of the year, but generally not the biggest.

Raul Vazquez, chief executive of, the online unit of Wal-Mart Stores Inc. (WMT), expects a solid Cyber Monday and heavier traffic on days closer to Christmas., which is making a huge push this year, and Inc. (AMZN), the biggest online retailer by revenue, have been cited among those seeing some of the heaviest volume heading into Cyber Monday.

As they are doing in brick-and-mortar stores "customers will be very practical," as they shop online, said Michelle Kane, spokeswoman for online comparison shopping site "We've already been seeing so many people shopping for deep discounts," with favorite items including low priced kitchen appliances and toys.

You've got to give it to us kids and our devices, or maybe we just got spooked and anyone left with a job is smart enough to try and hang on to it:

According to a survey conducted for by BIGresearch, 96.5 million Americans plan to shop on Cyber Monday this year, up from 85 million in 2008.

According to the survey, 91.5 percent of Cyber Monday shoppers – or 88.2 million Americans – will shop from home on Cyber Monday while 13.5 percent, or 13 million people, will shop from work.

As Americans embrace the latest technology, 3.8 percent of Cyber Monday shoppers will shop from a mobile device like an iPhone or a Blackberry. In addition, a small fraction of shoppers (1.5 percent) said they will shop from another location like a coffee shop or a friend’s house.

“As the number of Americans with high-speed internet at home increases, fewer people feel the need to shop online from work,” said Phil Rist, executive vice president, Strategic Initiatives, BIGresearch. “While many companies don’t mind employees shopping online over their lunch hours, high unemployment and concerns over job security may cause more people to shop this Cyber Monday from the comforts of their own home.”

As a BlackBerry addict, I have to confess here that I don't plan to buy shit using my thumbs, are you insane? It's good for a lot of things but thanks, I have a computer at home for that.

The reality could be - and call me crazy if I am - that with unemployment pushing up, you have A) more people at home and therefore less to shop at work and B) more broke people and therefore less money to throw at shopping, at work or otherwise.

The magic of econ hard at work.

I will be doing my best to resist Cyber Monday since it'd be awfully hypocritical of me after evangelizing Buy Nothing Day but I have a vacation flight to catch in less than 2 weeks and only a few good shipping days left. Bitches.

The point has always been this: if you can afford it, by all means, please buy it. If you want it and you bust your ass to pay for it and it won't put you underwater to get it, have at it! Please!

I have "disposable income" down to a science and it doesn't take a mathlete to do so: take what you need (I should not have to define "need" for you) minus what you make, putting investments and savings in the "need" column instead of dividing the take after net income - needs and voila! Go buy some shit.


And watch those banner ads out there today, kids, some of them have really dangerous edges (like free shipping and $30 netbooks with 2 year commitments... fuck, I better hide my credit card).

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.