Bailout: Earth Edition!

OK seriously, I've said this a bazillion times by now but I can't stand it, when is enough enough? A fucking climate bailout? I'm done. I'm going to the woods with a shotgun and a sack of gold bullion (and a case of Costco beef jerky) and never coming back since Canada won't take Americans anymore (yours truly got a 50 on the Canadian immigrant "self-assessment test" and won't be allowed to hide out in Canada any time soon).


With an offer of significant new aid to help poor nations cope with the effects of global warming, the Obama administration began a major diplomatic effort Thursday aimed at saving the troubled climate talks before the president's expected arrival Friday morning.

Perhaps the fact that these "talks" are "troubled" should be a red flag and not a mere inconvenience. When in doubt, throw some money we don't have at the problem, I'm sure that will totally work out in our favor.

The United States is pressuring developing countries to agree to emissions cuts along with the industrialized world for the first time, and insisting on transparent monitoring of those reductions. High-ranking U.S. officials were assuring nations behind the scenes that after years of resistance, Washington is also serious about reducing emissions at home and doing more to prevent global warming.

Concerned that the process had broken down so badly that world leaders would not have a document to consider Friday, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton pushed to establish a small, representative group of nations that could work through the night to produce a text that President Obama and others could use as a basis for final negotiations.

In a private meeting, Clinton told Brazilian officials that a climate change bill that was passed by the House would set aside billions to help preserve tropical rain forests in developing countries. U.S. negotiators also labored to distinguish themselves from George W. Bush's administration, which did not ratify the Kyoto Protocol. In fact, U.S. officials added, the new administration is taking steps with or without Congress to reduce carbon emissions through new fuel standards and other measures. "They are saying, 'Trust us that we can do better,' " said Brazil's climate change ambassador, Sergio Serra, who attended the meeting with Clinton on Thursday.

So, our dear OMGObama has brought Chicago politics to Copenhagen I see. With Hillary serving as his bottom bitch (come on, kids, Google), Al Gore must be creaming his 100% sustainable green jeans as we speak. It's awesome to see the weirdos come out for this one but it means an Earth bailout based on questionable science. I almost liked the "too big to fail" argument better than "OMG the icebergs are melting!"

Anyway, I'm going to try to stay out of it. Uh...

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.



Do you know how many times I've heard that? well not spoken exactly like that but if they didn't observe social communication etiquette they would have sounded like that. Fucking morons.