The Fed Turns a $45 Billion "Profit"

This picture, unlike the Fed's BS,
never gets old

See also: advanced money laundering scheme

Pssst, Bernanke, so long as you can keep laundering it, I'll be here up your ass reminding you of what a dick you are for all of this. Unless, you know, you miss that January 31st Senate confirmation deadline and have to ride bitch to Don Kohn in the Fedmobile, in which case it'll be his ass I'm riding. Whatever. I'm a flexible girl.


Wall Street firms aren't the only banks that had a banner year. The Federal Reserve made record profits in 2009, as its unconventional efforts to prop up the economy created a windfall for the government.

The Fed will return about $45 billion to the U.S. Treasury for 2009, according to calculations by The Washington Post based on public documents. That reflects the highest earnings in the 96-year history of the central bank. The Fed, unlike most government agencies, funds itself from its own operations and returns its profits to the Treasury.

The numbers are good news for the federal budget and a sign that the Fed has been successful, at least so far, in protecting taxpayers as it intervenes in the economy -- though there remains a risk of significant losses in the future if the Fed sells some of its investments or loses money on its stakes in bailed-out firms.

Where oh where do I start with this?

First of all, can some mathlete please inflation-adjust that number? Are we talking 2008 dollars? 2009 dollars? ZimBen dollars?

Let's start with the obvious - this is an absolute fucking SCAM. Case in point:

Much of the higher earnings came about because of the Fed's aggressive program of buying bonds, aiming to push interest rates down across the economy and thus stimulate growth. By the end of 2009, the Fed owned $1.8 trillion in U.S. government debt and mortgage-related securities, up from $497 billion a year earlier. The interest income on those investments was a major source of Fed profits -- though that income comes with risks, as the central bank could lose money if it later sells those securities to reduce the money supply.

Wait a minute... the Fed hands over its excess "profits" to the Treasury, who in turn issues more debt for the Fed to buy, which in turn the Fed makes money off of that it returns to the Treasury? I feel like I just watched some really disgusting Ukranian kiddie porn flick just explaining that, ewwww...

And if most of the Fed's MBSs come from Fannie and Freddie - little more than concubines to keep the Chinese from pulling the trigger on their massive dollar-denominated investments in said concubines - then aren't those investments just as incestuous as T-bills?

I laugh in the general direction of the Fed for having the large low-hanging cojones to claim it made any sort of profit, and laugh even harder directly at the Treasury for playing along.

"Profits" LOL! Profits my ass!

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


This is some of the most incompetent analysis I have ever read.



Agreed. But if the reporter WERE a pathetic Fed lackey, he'd have called it "net income returned to the Treasury" and not profit.


Anonymous said...

OK, this seems like an appropriate place to test out my new tiny url legs.

fap fap fap - that's some funny shit.

now is...

Anonymous said...

It worked - I'm overjoyed!

Anonymous said...

History of the finger

I think I did that one wrong...

but it doesn't show up as just a link... shit, this is harder than it sounded like it was going to be... Martha, can you come in here and help me with this tiny url history of giving someone the finger link?? Well, put your teeth in first.

Anonymous said...

hell yeah! that's the way we do it! I didn't close it off with the last > the smell of victory take that Al Gore.. high five Martha.

You are cracking me up in the God damn DMV office reading these comments, too fucking funny.

You mean like this?

History of the finger

Or like this?

By God I think you've got it.

Anonymous said...

I just looked again to look at my tiny url work (with swelling pride I might add) on JDA and my tiny urls are not there. Your links worked and mine were there yesterday..... wtf???? I looked yesterday and they were there and today **pooofff** they're gone. I'm not imagining things am I??? I missed a dose this morning but it doesn't usually cause a problem just missing one dose... it's like misplacing my damned car keys or looking for my frickin' glasses only to discover they are on top of my damned head...

never mind... I just scrolled down far enough and read enough to find it... shit