I Got 99 Weeks of Unemployment But a Job Ain't One

Thursday, February 25, 2010 , , 1 Comments

Unemployment can be a "lagging" indicator all it wants to be, this isn't your average passive blip. Need I point that out? Obviously. The headlines hit repeatedly: "Unexpected Drop in..." unexpected hahaha. To whose expectations are we referring?

As always, yours truly wants just one answer: how can we possibly keep this up?

Apparently as long as our left hand can keep furiously jerking off (um, right hand for Jeff).


The latest extension of unemployment benefits couldn’t come at a better time, it seems; President Barack Obama signed legislation into law Friday providing an additional 14 to 20 weeks of benefits for those who have already exhausted theirs or will do so by year-end.

The extension comes on the same day the Labor Department announced the U.S. unemployment rate hit 10.2% in October, crossing into double-digits for the first time in 26 years as the nation’s jobless swelled to 15.7 million.

The bill, passed earlier this week by both the Senate and the House of Representatives, extends federal jobless benefits by 14 weeks for Americans in all 50 states who face exhaustion before year-end, and by 20 weeks for those living in states where the unemployment rate is 8.5% or higher.

The additional 20 weeks in hard-hit states means the maximum a person in one of those states could receive is now up to 99 weeks, or nearly two years — the most in history.

It could be worse, right?

Perhaps eventually we can use these OMG job creation programs to fund sweatshop labor in hard hit areas like California, Michigan, and Florida. "Hot spots," you might say now though Ben Bernanke dismissed them in 2005. Idiots. Who should be begging for a job? I don't think it's you, America.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.