TLP: Can Alan Simpson Find a Nice Way to Make the Deficit Squeal?

Alan Simpson, the former U.S. senator from Wyoming, has always been a favorite of The Lazy Paperboy, if for nothing else, his tendency to say exactly WTF is on his mind, usually in a most entertaining fashion. A Simpson chat show appearance guaranteed two things: a bizarre, stinging soundbite and an adversary who was either speechless or laughing.

The Republican was pretty much equal-opportunity in his targets. A sampling of his collected wisdom shows that he could exhibit a range of qualities.

“In your country club, your church and business, about 15 percent of the people are screwballs, lightweights and boobs and you would not want those people unrepresented in Congress.”

“Stonewalling, wiretapping, cover-up, Lord's sake, if there isn't one of us here at this table that hasn't dabbled in that mystery.”

“You'd like to stick it in his gazoo.”

Anger. Or maybe appreciation:
"You were doing a sadistic little disservice to your country."

Simpson is getting a chance to uncork his mouth and unspool his vocabulary again, all in the name of public service. He's been named co-chair of the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform, along with former Clinton White House Chief of Staff Erskine Bowles.

Simpson told Jean Spencer of the WSJ's Washington Wire that the panel's goal is to think about how to "save" the nation from insolvency. “We have no expectation at all, but the American people will know a hell of a lot more about where their country is headed when we finish,” Simpson said.

Lame, as soundbites go, but Simpson was only gearing up, starting to hunch his bony shoulders, give that prairie squint, lick the corner of his mouth as a little harmless drool formed.


Simpson, with a centrist track record that has irked many conservatives, said he hopes the commission will examine solutions offered by both the right and left, but he said he won’t play sides. “I cannot demonize people. Demonization, in fact, is a strange thing,” he said. “Instead of saying this guy’s ideas are as goofy as a peach orchard boar, they are saying this guy is as goofy as a peach orchard boar. I won’t demonize people.”

Unless, you know, it helps.

Bring it

The Lazy Paperboy

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.