Behind the SEC's Big Bad Psychic Bust
I swear I did not personally Photoshop this.
Sean David Morton is a pretty awesome guy, his own website tells us as much. If you've ever met Sean David Morton, it says, you're one degree away from...
I'll save you the awkward photobombs of SDM next to big names like Mel Brooks and... Anthony Michael Hall. Gasp at America's Prophet!
Catch up, the SEC just charged the guy (here's the complaint). He's helpful enough to write a laughable bio:
Sean is a natural psychic, trained Remote Viewer, intuitive consultant, investigative reporter, and accomplished award winning director, screenwriter and film and TV producer.
Awesome, I'd totally give him my money. Don't forget that he also "knows" Moon Unit Zappa, that's got to count for something? If that doesn't do it for you, how about Sean (on the set of "Return to the Batcave" with his wife Melissa... I've totally been there... x_@... not that long ago...) on the batpole labeled Dick? Fuck, the funny just writes itself, doesn't it?
But wait, there's more! (you knew there had to be)
The SEC's big clairvoyant financial criminal also wrote and directed 2004's Joe Killionaire (IMDB), a D movie "comedy" with such screenwriting gems as "So they ask me, 'Where is the weirdest place you have ever made love?' And I said, 'In my butt, Bob!' I mean that's a place, and it sure was weird. Ouch! Gross!"
If Sean David Morton really possessed any measure of psychic ability, sure he would have seen this disaster coming. Again from his awesomely Geocities-esque website:
In May 2003, Sean wrote and directed his first feature film, a comedy, murder mystery Whodunit, which was a spoof of reality TV game shows, the award winning “JOE KILLIONAIRE”. The movie is tearing up the Independent Film circuit and is achieving the status of a CULT CLASSIC. It won the audience award for best picture at the Los Angeles DANCES WITH FILMS FESTIVAL, and has been officially selected at CREEPFEST (Los Angeles) HORRORFEST (Erie, PA) The Farmington, MI, FUNNYFILM FEST, The Coney Island Film Fest, and the New York, Los Angeles, Miami and Las Vegas International Film and Video Festivals.
Holy crap is that Al Bundy? It is.
Sounds like a huge threat to capital markets to me, go get him, Mary Schapiro! Lock 'em up and throw away the key OMG he was swindling investors by pretending to be able to see the movement of the market. How is that any different than a broker? Surely by investing money on his client's behalf the broker is claiming he too sees the movement of the market, he wouldn't put the money there if he believed it would go down. Duh. If Dionne Warwick really had psychic friends, wouldn't they have told her in advance that she was going to get hit in the head with a brick? [that's anecdotal, did she actually get hit in the head with a brick? I can't remember]
Where's Reagan has some more on this, the weirdest SEC target yet:
The SEC is suing this guy named Sean David Morton who claims to be "America's Prophet", to have been trained by Nepalese monks in the art of time travel (HA! I snort derisively at your so-called lame claims!) and who claims to have predicted all the rises and falls of the stock market for the last 14 years despite, well, being so bloody WRONG about so many of them. He sucked millions of dollars out of what I can only assume were fuzzy-headed tree-hugging granola-crunching liberals, who go way more in for that fluffybunny psychic crap than us reality-hardened conservatives. I mean what the hell are people thinking?!!? Although granted sometimes it seems like a psychic or a Magic Eight Ball would do just as good a job of predicting Wall Street's failures and successes as this Jim Cramer guy, who at least was trained by Nepalese monks in the art of free market economics. Well, maybe not Nepalese monks but he got a law degree from Harvard University.
Really? And this guy is a threat to investors? Again, if anyone is actually giving Sean David Morton money (especially after seeing this), this is far outside of the SEC's responsibility. Those people should be charged. (And to "Badabing" at Daily Kos, just because I link to it doesn't mean I agree with it either.)
Um. So if the SEC wants to keep giving me material I'm cool with that but it would be awesome if they'd use their powers for good, not evil, and stay the hell away from the batpole.
I think the SEC's next assignment is clear: