The SEC Goes for Goldman's Ass (Yawn)
First of all, I hope it is reassuring to LOLFed that they are, in fact, not the last news source in the entire world to bring this to you. As many of you know, I'm handling some personal issues right now and happen to be somewhere in South Dakota on my way back to San Francisco so I'm extra late (although with the time difference, maybe I'm early?). I promise when I return to homebase I will be all up in Bernanke's ass like his monetary proctologist but for now all you get is news that I should have gotten to hours ago and Twitpics of my adventure across America (Mount Rushmore by tomorrow afternoon!).
Anyway. Fucking Goldman God damn Sachs got charged with fraud by the SEC - say it ain't so! Goldman screwing clients? Packaging garbage as gold? You must be kidding me!
Yeah so, uh, maybe the SEC is actually the last to know. They have a lot of shit to do, get off their backs ok?!
Goldman Sachs Group Inc.—one of the few Wall Street titans to thrive during the financial crisis—was charged with deceiving clients by selling them mortgage securities secretly designed by a hedge-fund firm run by John Paulson, who made a killing betting on the housing market's collapse.
Goldman vigorously denied the Securities and Exchange Commission's civil charges, setting up the biggest clash between Wall Street and regulators since junk-bond king Drexel Burnham Lambert succumbed to a criminal insider-trading investigation in the 1980s, helping to define the era. "The SEC's charges are completely unfounded in law and fact," Goldman said in a statement, promising to "contest them and defend the firm and its reputation."
Of course Goldman vigorously denied the SEC's charges, what did you think they were going to do? Get ready for the bitchfight and make sure to be perfectly hedged if you're putting your money on Schapiro.
The press release is excellent. A recession classic.