TLP: And the Queen Had Just Gotten Over the Topless Toe-Sucking

british trade scandalTotally different deal if we're talking about
this Fergie and that Prince

You know it's going to be an awesome sting story when the accompanying photos are grainy video captures from some sketchy apartment meeting, the mark all big-eyed, the dollars stacked on a table. And the fact that a British tabloid was involved makes it way better. Way better.

News of the World:

THE Duchess of York is shamelessly plotting to sell access to her trade envoy ex-hubby Prince Andrew for £500,000.

Greedy Sarah Ferguson, 50, was filmed on Tuesday night taking a $40,000 (£27,000) cash down-payment from an undercover News of the World reporter.

Unknown to the Prince, Fergie PROMISED to introduce us to him, CLAIMED he'd help fix lucrative deals and DEMANDED a cut of all profits. She vowed: "Look after me and he'll look after you. . . you'll get it back tenfold. I can open any door you want."

As the Duchess of York set out her stall, she blatantly put a price tag on an introduction to Britain's unsuspecting trade envoy Prince, opening the door to lucrative international deals.

Behind her ex's back, Fergie claimed to have discussed it with him and lied: "Andrew said to me, 'Tell him £500,000.'

"He knows that he's had to underwrite me up to now because I've got no money. So if you want to meet him in your business, look after me and he'll look after you. . . you'll get it back tenfold."

Gotta love the CAPS, huh? And whoever wrote the headlines and captions — "Fergie's dirty deal" "Desperate Fergie lies ..." — was clearly loving it.

Sure, Fergie's desperate. The split from Andrew started badly, what with being snapped poolside, topless, with the toe-sucking boyfriend, and she's been on a downhill slide since. She's apparently blown through all the cash from her one good gig with Weight Watchers.

But if you read the tabloid account, this wasn't her first go at this sort of thing. Allegedly. "We began investigating the scandal after a close royal associate blew the whistle and told us Fergie was already cashing in on unknowing Andrew by setting up deals with foreign businessmen," the newspaper reported. "And the News of the World has details of TWO tycoons she boasted she had introduced to Prince Andrew."

So, is that the real news here? That in this economy, cutting deals has become so difficult that "businessmen" and "tycoons" are relying on Fergie?

The Lazy Paperboy

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.