Why I Am Writing In My Dead Hamster As California Governor on November 2nd

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 , , , 9 Comments

RIP, Smoky.

Anyway, because it might be illegal to write in an animal (a dead one at that) in a serious political contest, I feel compelled to disclaim that I am not actually going to do that. I'm just not voting for governor this year.

Firstly, I'm on my way out. That means my bitter, pissed off, had-it-up-to-here-with-this-California-shit ass probably shouldn't be allowed to vote to right now. I'm trying to be reasonable and not angry at the San Francisco Board of Supervisors going into my last Californian vote, I'm trying to put the improvement I have seen in San Francisco in my 11 years here into perspective and trying to puzzle out the right thing to do as a California voter without allowing my obvious angry bias to come into play. Someone put a proposition on the next ballot that pissed off, about to self-exile Californians should be forced to un-register 6 - 9 months before they leave or at least 90 days after realizing they have had it up to here and must get out. I'd support that. I'm fucking angry, this place is a mess. I don't recognize San Francisco anymore and that's sad, I have spent my entire adult life in a city most people pay way too much to visit and wish they could live in (minus the crackheads I'm sure).

See also Sidewalks of San Francisco:

Police officers in the Tenderloin are as eager for a sit-lie law as their colleagues in the Haight are. The Tenderloin is the smallest police precinct in the city, but it has the highest number of parolees and sex offenders and the highest rate of violent crime. It’s also right next to Union Square, San Francisco’s central tourist area. Tourists walking through the Tenderloin to its few remaining theaters have been mugged; those waiting for the cable car at the bottom of Powell Street are routinely accosted by panhandlers. The city’s persistent failure to dent the disorder has kept the area, along with the adjacent Market Street Corridor, in thrall to crime and blight for years, as have strict laws protecting single-room-occupancy buildings from acquisition and development. Police officials and local entrepreneurs speak wistfully of the transformation of New York’s Times Square, and they still hope that it could happen here.

Whereas street sitters in the Haight are usually engaged in various forms of consumption, many in the Tenderloin are in sales. Asked how he would use the proposed sit-lie ordinance, Officer Adam Green responds, “I’d ask these ladies to move on,” referring to a group of women sitting on folding chairs on the sidewalk. Green’s “ladies” are most likely holding drugs for the dealers milling around a few paces down the block. “It’s a very sophisticated game,” Green explains. “They know it’s harder for us to search women. We try to prevent people from congregating, because that’s when we get our drive-by shootings.” (A few weeks later, an Oakland man wearing body armor was gunned down in the Tenderloin in a cascade of 16 bullets, saved from death only by his foresight in putting on his bulletproof vest before entering the area.) Other sidewalk sitters serve as lookouts against the cops.

Eager for sit-lie? What is wrong with San Francisco that our own police can't just round them up and ship them off? Why is this allowed in SF and why are the city's residents forced to accept both that and the astronomical cost associated with living here? That does NOT make sense. And then we want to tax visitors even more as if they are stupid and don't notice the excrement on the sidewalks? Paris is burning and they're trying to double the fee to get up the Eiffel Tower but hey, let them, I'm out.

Watching the Brown and Whitman ads in between KTVU traffic reports is obnoxious. I just want to get to the weather so I can figure out whether I should wear one hoodie or two and get out the door and don't need to be accosted by vicious attacks every morning (I get enough of that if I brave Muni through the TL). Something about Meg Whitman annoys me and I can't believe we are even serious with Jerry fucking Brown so I won't even comment on that.

SF Gate:

Gubernatorial candidates Meg Whitman and Jerry Brown made a critical pitch to millions of California voters Tuesday in their final televised debate, battling over controversies including her hiring of an undocumented maid and the use of a sexist slur by a member of his campaign staff.

Democrat Brown and Republican Whitman also tangled over whether to cut the capital-gains tax and pension reform in a lively, unscripted exchange at Dominican University in San Rafael.

So I'm just not deciding. I reserve that right and hell, you guys are going to screw it up like you screwed up Prop 8 anyway (if any of your lazy asses bother to show up and vote, that is) so why bother?

I've made my decision on San Francisco props but have been dragging my feet on California props and might sit most of those out too except for Prop 19 (Yes on 19) because trust me on this the state could use the money and the prisons could use a break. Update: NO on 19

Don't listen to me, do your own research and form your own position. YOU FUCKING HAVE IT so if you sit there and don't use it and continue bitching about it instead you are in no position to complain. Use it and then realize your vote means nothing and then you can complain.

And remember, it could always be worse:

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


No seriously, 12 languages....in ALABAMA?!?!? I mean I could see 12 languages here in California, I could see 30 languages in California, but that's ALABAMA. Maybe I'm just totally ignorant, and Alabama is 1 of the 6 states I have not visited, but I'm just stunned there are 12 languages there. What attracts say a Russian to Alabama?

I know this is so politically incorrect and that the SF SS are going to hunt me down for this, but I have to keep this going and ask - are they counting different dialects of hillbilly as separate languages? I mean they might have a creole based hillbilly down in Mobile while up them there in Huntsville they have a more traditional Deliverance dialect. Do they differentiate?

I would love an answer to that but sorry, can't help either.

Anonymous said...

Please do not besmirch and sully the good name of Smoky. The only affiliation that Smoky should have (alive or posthumously) with California politicians would be for their political speeches and press articles to be used as liner and absorbent for Smoky’s poo and urine.


Excellent point, I take it back and hope her soul forgives me.

As for rodent poo, that was already covered in an earlier edition... I found Fed comic books to be quite absorbent and reasonably-priced for my hamster's restroom needs.

Anonymous said...

NL... what the fuck woman? Who do you think this is?

Anonymous said...

My cat says he's willing to take the job (doesn't surprise me - he has no class at all and will lower himself for all you can eat chicken of the sea and all you can snort catnip). Fucking reprobate little junkie - he'd probably fit right in the California lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

$64,000 question for you - just spit balling here but IF the Inglorious Bastard were to somehow become the next Guv'nor of the Great State of California, would there be a noticeable difference?

My hillbilly ass thinks not.

Anonymous said...

Roll Tide Roll - mother fucker. I'd sure as shit sooner live in the land of Bear Bryant than that clusterfuck state called California. You uppity, pretentious fucks are in for long road o' hurt.