What's Your Economic Doomsday Plan?

Friday, November 12, 2010 , 16 Comments

Now that the Fed has proven that they're bringing out the only guns they've got left and don't care if they take the dollar out in the process, regardless of how much slack they claim is in the economy we can pretty much bank on that doomsday many of us have been waiting anxiously to see. I say anxious but mean that I've been sitting here figuratively polishing my gold waiting for the bottom to fall out of a market that appears infinitely capable of surviving via manipulation. The bottom should have dropped out in March of 2009 but here we are with a 11,000 DOW. Granted, a large part of that 11,000 DOW has to do with the relationship of stocks to the dollar, whereas a pathetic dollar means better equity prices but let's not get technical at a time like this. 28,000,000 DOW!!

As a public service, I'm here to remind all of you that now is the time to get your house in order. No, I'm not going to launch into the same grab your guns and guard your gold! rant that you've heard by now. Instead, I'm talking about trimming discretionary vices now before it hurts and you've got to do it cold turkey.

If you smoke cigarettes, trust me, economic collapse is going to be WAY stressful and the first thing you're going to want to do is chain smoke when you realize you won't be able to eat for a week. The fact that you're going to be forced to quit anyway once cigarettes are $23 a pack (not including taxes and if the government is still hanging around trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip when the shit hits the fan, you better believe sin is going to be first in their sights) should be inspiration to taper down now, slowly, and get de-viced ahead of the blizzard of bad that is about to befall us all. JDA needs to take her own advice and is slowly but surely working on it, having cut down significantly and worked out a plan to put the $6 a day pack habit money into a savings account that will be promptly blown on some useful tangible item (I call this survival method "investing in personal PP&E" or dumping dollars on useful items before the dollars themselves won't buy anything) once I quit completely. Getting there.

If you slurp down tons of coffee, now's the time to evaluate your coffee habit. There may be a Starbucks on every corner today but there's no guarantee that you'll be able to get your hands on even the worst chickory when things go horribly awry. Again, perhaps yours truly needs to take her own advice before she goes dishing it out but let's let that one go. Coffee has already been hit by the financial crisis (call it a coffee shortage, I don't buy it) and before you know it, a double latte will run you $47. And that's for a tall. Break the caffeine habit now while you still have control over how quickly you need to withdraw, you don't want to be jonesing when a can of Folgers is $77.

If you're addicted to junk food, fast food, or anything else that goes in your mouth that you can't grow out of the ground, or worse, don't even know how to grow things out of the ground, now is the time to ditch the bad food habit and figure out that water + sun + love = food. We've allowed our souls to be crippled by the debt machine, there's no reason to let it also cripple our bodies. As we all know, America has a reputation for being a bit, uh, chubby. How fast do you think you can run when you've got to flee from the urban jungle once mayhem hits? That's what I thought. Fix it now, you still have time before the bottom actually drops out.

My last suggestion is to deglut. Disconnect from all of the crap that doesn't really make you any better of a human being. If you're addicted to shoes and clothes, you're going to be the first to hang yourself when the shit hits the fan and you've lost "everything". The earlier you can get over the concept of your "everything" being whatever is hanging in your closet the better off you will be when "everything" is vaporized. Of course there's something to be said for having a safe place for mementos but assuming there will at least be power (hell, it's only total economic meltdown, not zombie invasion right?), a portable hard drive will do a better job of preserving your photos than boxes upon boxes of photo albums that you might end up having to leave behind. Just sayin.

The day of reckoning will come, probably not tomorrow and probably not next week. It might not even come in 2012 but it's coming and since there's nothing to be done at this point to stop it, it would be wise to at least prepare for the worst as if it were scheduled for tomorrow.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Anonymous said...

"ditch the bad food habit and figure out that water + sun + love = food"

This is why I love you JDA

Lucifer said...

You're just fear mongering. Confidence is the real currency in this world. As long as there is confidence in the system, the system will exist. People in general are not sophisticated enough to notice the flaws in the system. Or they know the problems and simply embrace the lie.

Your predictions are false. The world will perpetrate the system forever, the form will simply change. Stop worrying about things in which no one has control over. There is no massive conspiracy to enslave you, there is simply chaos and entropy.


Why is it fear mongering if I am encouraging people to evaluate their bad habits now? Whether or not things get as bad as I think they will, isn't it a good idea anyway to quit smoking, cut down on caffeine, kick the junk food habit and learn how to plant a fucking vegetable?

In case you haven't noticed, the "confidence" is breaking. That's the problem with a faith-based monetary system. Or rather, the problem when the curtain comes down and faith is lost. What would most Christians do if Jesus Christ actually returned to Earth and told them "hey, you guys have been wrong this whole time?" Our money is telling us the same thing.

I believe!

Anonymous said...

"As we all know, America has a reputation for being a bit, uh, chubby"

My but Oh my .... you are being very, very kind.... take off the velvet glove and give it to 'em with both shot gun barrels blazing, JDA. They deserve it.

your pal,
The Prince of the Power of the Air

(sheesh, some people and their names on line.... presumptuous airbag)

W.C. Varones said...


You're just complacency-mongering. Yes, the U.S. economy, like all Ponzi schemes, is a confidence game. But all the confidence in the world can't make a Ponzi scheme continue past its mathematical limits.

Keep all the food lines movin', don't come cryin' for more; the signs were there, you should have bought connections before.

Lucifer said...

Who are you to say what constitute vices. It's all subjective. Some cultures would probably look down on things you would consider virtues. With regarding "learn how to plant a fucking vegetable," I think that is definitely a worthy skill to learn. Maybe I was a bit out of line with the "fear mongering" sentence.

In response to your belief that faith has been lost in the monetary system, in a country where most people cannot name the three branches of government, I find it highly unlikely that the public understands the root of the problem well enough to lose confidence. As long as they are told everything is okay they will believe it.

You have faith without empirical peer reviewed evidence that there is a conspiracy. By saying "I believe" I am assuming you may be either professing your belief in Christianity or in the aforementioned conspiracy.

Even with the obvious contradictions of the Bible most people still believe in it. They pick and chose parts that they agree with while ignoring what they disagree with, not questioning the overall lack of continuity within the entire book.

I assume the root of scorn for the Federal Reserve is derived from the Zeitgeist video. Do you take the video as a whole?

I don't take anything as a whole (coming from the accounting perspective, there really should never be such a thing). Zeitgeist was a jumping off point that got me interested in the subject, at that point I took what I discovered there and ran with it. I've since gone "deep into the heart of darkness" though can't say the same for many of my End the Fed cohorts who stop at the last anti-Fed Ron Paul rant they read and parrot the same four phrases. I prefer to know my enemy a bit better than that.

Just like I used Zeitgeist to open a portal into the dark world of the Dirty Fed, I'd hope someone stumbling across my words (really nothing more than my opinion) would not take them so literally but instead perhaps lead themselves down the path toward the same awakening I had. If someone actually finds this post and instantly gives up smoking, coffee and fast food simply because some random person on the Internet said so, I'd feel sorry for them.

The great thing about having an avenue for my opinion, such as this website, is that I don't have to have any qualifications to judge what a vice is, but should someone come along asking me why I feel that way I have the advantage of evidence on my side. Fast food is bad for you, coffee is addictive, cigarettes can kill you... etc etc. I don't know any culture that worships McDonald's. Well maybe except for our own.

I couldn't care less, people can do whatever the fuck they care to.

The public are stupid but the security blanket that keeps them that way has been unceremoniously ripped away.

chairmanben said...

Federal Penitentiary vs Princeton: Tips for ex-Fed Chairman growing corn?

Anonymous said...


Start quitting now, I'm in my 3rd day and can hardly breathe. Lungs hurt, gunk coming up,chest hurts, can't sleep, think I'm getting some flu symptoms as well. Hate to be going thru this when it all goes down.

W.C. Varones said...

Cato Institute says abolish the Dirty Fed!

This little Fedbashing thing you started is going big-time!

Anonymous said...

Remember, though, if you like the occasional drink, stills are pretty simple and the ingredients are cheap, plus the product makes REALLY GOOD trading material in a barter economy.

Sans Authoritas said...

It's a bit more than a confidence game, I'm afraid. Say's Law is, in fact, an economic law. Whether one believes in Say's Law or not, whether one believes in gravity or not, ignoring those laws will land one in a world of hurt.

Jimmy the Saint said...

"The day of reckoning will come, probably not tomorrow and probably not next week. It might not even come in 2012 but it's coming and since there's nothing to be done at this point to stop it, it would be wise to at least prepare for the worst as if it were scheduled for tomorrow."

Key problem: no one can stay on alert forever. Unless you can predict with some accuracy *when* the collapse is coming, your advice - while very sound in general - isn't very useful in practice.

W.C. Varones said...

Bullshit, Jimmy.

Buy gold, guns, and ammo, all of which have a shelf life plenty long for the coming apocalypse.

John Burke said...

Paul Farrell of MarketWatch has been discussing this for a while, as have some other level-headed people:

Eliot Spitzer will stop wearing such expensive socks during hookersex:

Anonymous said...

Lucifer is gay!