The Dirty Fed Who Stole Christmas

In "I can't believe I live in this version of America" news, we get word from the lovely Tenth Fed District (that's Kansas City if you're playing along at home: the one Fed district without a single Too Big To Fail bank to regulate, which puts this entire stunt in perspective) that the Dirty Fed tried - and failed - to steal Christmas from one Oklahoma bank:

As we approach the Christmas holiday, Christians in Oklahoma are celebrating a rare victory in the battle for religious freedom. The Blaze reports, “The Federal Reserve has reversed its decision that originally forced a small Oklahoma bank to remove from its premises and website Bible verses, crosses, and Christmas buttons.”

A week ago, the Payne County Bank was ordered by the Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank to remove the religious symbols and Christmas displays from its facility. Payne County Bank was told that it could not display crosses or post a Bible “verse of the day” on its website, and that employees could no longer wear pins that read “Merry Christmas, God With Us.” According to a Kansas City Fed examiner, the items could be perceived as discriminatory and violate fair lending.

The Blaze writes, “The Fed told the bank its Christian symbols violated the discouragement clause of Regulation B of the bank regulations. The clause prohibits “…the use of words, symbols, models, and other forms of communication…[that] express, imply, or suggest a discriminatory preference or policy of exclusion.’ Federal examiners interpreted that to mean the bank’s overtly Christian message could offend people of other faiths.”

Wait a fucking second, the Fed doesn't have to answer to anyone, much less little piss poor you and I and yet a tiny little bank can't celebrate the birth of sweet little baby Jesus in a fucking manger? Oh you people are sick. SICK.

Republican Senator Jim Inhofe and Representative Frank Lucas didn't like this, of course, and wrote an angry letter to Ben Bernanke and Co. asking to please restore our individual freedom of religion which, you know, we totally left England so we could have some couple hundred years ago (who knew! Fuck history!). Said Inhofe:

This is an all out assault on the faith, values, and rights of the bank, its employees and the people of Perkins they serve. It is absolutely ridiculous for the delegation to be interpreted this way, and it unduly discriminates against a person’s faith in Christ and their constitutionally protected freedom to publicly express that faith.

Rep Lucas had his own words for the Dirty Fed: "The recent actions taken by the Federal Reserve at Payne County Bank are of great concern to me. I do not agree with its interpretation of Regulation B in this circumstance and believe that it infringes upon fundamental Constitutional rights afforded to all Americans."

That's Regulation B for Beelzebub, duh! Now bow and leave your sacrifice at the marble temple before some virgins end up tossed in this fucking volcano, you heathens!

Can someone please give Kansas City Fed a TBTF bank to screw with so they leave the poor little Christians alone for Christ's sake (literally)?

Does anyone else find it totally ironic that the Fed has the audacity to go there when their own filthy money comes conveniently stamped with "In God We Trust"? Let's just not go there at all. Seriously.

In the greatest fuck you possible (without offending God-fearing Christians, of course), Payne County Bank has a supremely awesome note on the front page of its website discussing the drama and - best of all - ending with a cheerful "MERRY CHRISTMAS".

Merry Christmas indeed, Payne County Bank, Merry Christmas indeed. JDA salutes you!

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Anonymous said...

At some point, we have to look to St. Michael as our example. Stop being so polite and compliant to those who tell us our beliefs have no value or that those beliefs are "inappropriate". We have to say "Go Fuck Yourself". When Saint Michael the Archangel faces evil in the final battle in heaven, he's not going to be bashful or apologetic or wishy washy - he's gonna be God's instrument. He's gonna kick ass and take names.

Merry Christmas

wcv said...

On the bright side, when Jesus comes back He's gonna be PISSED.

Grab some popcorn and watch him go Old Testament on their ass.

OldSouth said...

Any organization that has time enough to mess over a small-town bank 'cuz they post Bible verses on the premises has waaaaay toooooo much time on its hands.

Thanks for raising hell about it. They can't use the kind of appropriate language you can to respond to the situation.

Merry Christmas, JDA.

Anonymous said...

Jesus was doing God's work waaaaaay before Lloyd Blankfein.

Anonymous said...

Good article. Contact KC Fed president tom hoenig directly and let him know your thoughts.

hoenig's email is

Wish him a Merry Christmas, and he'll probably go berserk with rage.

Is it The Rapture yet? I'm getting fucking bored sitting around waiting for Armageddon, let's just get on with it already for Christ's sake.

Anonymous said...

tom hoenig is famous for his explosive temper.

I can just see him now, raging through the Kansas City federal reserve building while everyone else is hiding in fear. It's sort of like Pharaoh's court. Make him mad, and off with your head.

You see, hoenig doesn't disagree with what his little atheist examiners did. But he's furious about being embarrassed. He thinks very highly of himself and doesn't like having his celestial name drug through the mud.

I'd like to know if anyone's been fired yet.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a believer in religion or a supreme being but this is clearly a violation of the 1st Amendment.

The Fed employees should be sued as individuals and the bank should simply tell them to go and fuck themselves.

I'm sick of the meddling and absolute disdain for the chains/intent of the Constitution and barely a nod toward to the Bill of Rights.

It's up to us.

I'm a bit baffled by a couple of things here...

(1) How does the Fed - a PRIVATE BANK - have any "jurisdiction" to decide whether another bank is violating some law? Accounting principles? OK. Loan terms? Likewise... But law?

As an ancillary point, if the Fed is enforcing their own "code of conduct" as opposed to law, how does 1A apply to a private banking corporation? Are they not entitled to decide what's appropriate and what's not?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for zealously guarding *ALL* liberty from tyrants -- and by WHATEVER means necessary -- but THIS ONE leaves me confused...

If the alleged authority is born of Law, where 1A would clearly apply, why is it being "enforced" by the (not at all Federal) Fed?

OTOH, if it's private, how does 1A apply?



Grumpyunk said...

Santa is not the only one who gets to "Make a list and check it twice". Assholes like the guy who tried to push this through should know that.

chairmanben said...

Good God. I approve this message.

Merry Christmas,

Anonymous said...

Based on insider sources, the examiner responsible for this outrage is still in the employ of the Kansas City fed. It appears that tom hoenig is protecting this little weasel.

With continued pressure, however, we may be able to flush him out.

Place pressure on hoenig by emailing him at

Anonymous said...

I have to add that my inside sources at the KC fed are scared half to death to speak to me.

It's not easy getting information out of them. They're afraid of being fired. The atmosphere is one of fear. A few have talked, if only briefly.

Keep emailing tom hoenig at

Tell him that you demand accountability.

This can't be brushed under the carpet.


Get in touch with me, I have an idea.

Anonymous said...

Who is running the banking system from the botton up, The Jews .....Look around you. They denied Jesus and never got in good graces with God since Abraham. Christ in Christmas is a no no for the Jewish race

wc varones said...

I was waiting for someone to say that.

I love it that the incompetent jackasses at the Dirty Fed are validating Jooo conspiracy theories.