The Dirty Fed Who Stole Christmas
In "I can't believe I live in this version of America" news, we get word from the lovely Tenth Fed District (that's Kansas City if you're playing along at home: the one Fed district without a single Too Big To Fail bank to regulate, which puts this entire stunt in perspective) that the Dirty Fed tried - and failed - to steal Christmas from one Oklahoma bank:
As we approach the Christmas holiday, Christians in Oklahoma are celebrating a rare victory in the battle for religious freedom. The Blaze reports, “The Federal Reserve has reversed its decision that originally forced a small Oklahoma bank to remove from its premises and website Bible verses, crosses, and Christmas buttons.”
A week ago, the Payne County Bank was ordered by the Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank to remove the religious symbols and Christmas displays from its facility. Payne County Bank was told that it could not display crosses or post a Bible “verse of the day” on its website, and that employees could no longer wear pins that read “Merry Christmas, God With Us.” According to a Kansas City Fed examiner, the items could be perceived as discriminatory and violate fair lending.
The Blaze writes, “The Fed told the bank its Christian symbols violated the discouragement clause of Regulation B of the bank regulations. The clause prohibits “…the use of words, symbols, models, and other forms of communication…[that] express, imply, or suggest a discriminatory preference or policy of exclusion.’ Federal examiners interpreted that to mean the bank’s overtly Christian message could offend people of other faiths.”
Wait a fucking second, the Fed doesn't have to answer to anyone, much less little piss poor you and I and yet a tiny little bank can't celebrate the birth of sweet little baby Jesus in a fucking manger? Oh you people are sick. SICK.
Republican Senator Jim Inhofe and Representative Frank Lucas didn't like this, of course, and wrote an angry letter to Ben Bernanke and Co. asking to please restore our individual freedom of religion which, you know, we totally left England so we could have some couple hundred years ago (who knew! Fuck history!). Said Inhofe:
This is an all out assault on the faith, values, and rights of the bank, its employees and the people of Perkins they serve. It is absolutely ridiculous for the delegation to be interpreted this way, and it unduly discriminates against a person’s faith in Christ and their constitutionally protected freedom to publicly express that faith.
Rep Lucas had his own words for the Dirty Fed: "The recent actions taken by the Federal Reserve at Payne County Bank are of great concern to me. I do not agree with its interpretation of Regulation B in this circumstance and believe that it infringes upon fundamental Constitutional rights afforded to all Americans."
That's Regulation B for Beelzebub, duh! Now bow and leave your sacrifice at the marble temple before some virgins end up tossed in this fucking volcano, you heathens!
Can someone please give Kansas City Fed a TBTF bank to screw with so they leave the poor little Christians alone for Christ's sake (literally)?
Does anyone else find it totally ironic that the Fed has the audacity to go there when their own filthy money comes conveniently stamped with "In God We Trust"? Let's just not go there at all. Seriously.
In the greatest fuck you possible (without offending God-fearing Christians, of course), Payne County Bank has a supremely awesome note on the front page of its website discussing the drama and - best of all - ending with a cheerful "MERRY CHRISTMAS".
Merry Christmas indeed, Payne County Bank, Merry Christmas indeed. JDA salutes you!