Homeland Security Needs Your Help Spotting Terrorists at Walmart

Maybe that's why we can't find Osama, he's been hiding in Walmart! DUH! Why didn't we think to look there?!

Homeland Security would like your help sniffing out terrorists, America, and is hoping that a new campaign in Walmart stores across this fine nation of ours will help them advance that goal.

Remember kids: no one likes a snitch. Except the government, who can't get enough of them.

Here's the press release:

Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Janet Napolitano today announced the expansion of the Department's national "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign to hundreds of Walmart stores across the country - launching a new partnership between DHS and Walmart to help the American public play an active role in ensuring the safety and security of our nation.

"Homeland security starts with hometown security, and each of us plays a critical role in keeping our country and communities safe," said Secretary Napolitano. "I applaud Walmart for joining the ‘If You See Something, Say Something' campaign. This partnership will help millions of shoppers across the nation identify and report indicators of terrorism, crime and other threats to law enforcement authorities."

"Other threats". Define please, DHS. If you ask JDA to define, she will put Alan Greenspan, the FCC, Ben Bernanke, Janet Yellen, Tim Geithner, Larry Summers, my mailman who doesn't deliver until 7p every night, Homeland Security and a handful of other unsavory critters on the list. If you ask the DHS, JDA is probably in the "other threats" column but that's OK, that means I'm doing my job.

Fuck the Fourth Amendment, we're all terrorists now.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


grunk said...

If Big Sis is looking for stretch pants mommas showing plumber butt, WalMart's the place. Start setting up those FEMA camps, cause you'll be rounding up a whole herd of 'em.

W.C. Varones said...

Again, the citizens of the Internet are way ahead of Janet Incompetano.