So Are CMKM Shareholders Still Waiting By the Mailbox?



Back in January, we shared the news that way past due CMKM shareholder checks were in the mail. Whatever happened to this?

But let's forget about that and focus on the payout - according to a known CMKM troll who sends along all kinds of good news, the check is in the mail as of December 31st. Which means you'd think at least a couple of CMKM's "tens of billions" of shareholders should have gotten something by now.

No really, the check's in the mail we swear. Let's do the math... shareholders are supposed to get .80 a share initially and might expect $5 - $7 a share in the second payoff, which can only happen if they get the first one and, well, they still haven't. Surprise! With an estimated 10 billion shares or more out there (no one knows), we're obviously talking about $50 - $70 billion, which CMKM doesn't really have. I guess there's always the "trust" that holds the trillions owed to shareholders from the SEC or whatever it is they believe. The actual number of shareholders could be closer to 700 billion, with trillions of "counterfeit" stock allegedly out there floating around as well. Is this for real?

Well let's see, it is now the end of April so surely some of these "checks" have actually made their way into shareholder hands? It should come as no big shock to anyone to hear that no one has made any reliable reports of payments. But wait, it gets weirder.

According to a completely unreliable news source, Al Hodges, the lawyer supposedly fighting to get CMKM shareholders their precious "justice," has apparently been exposed as a fraud and killed in a shootout. We're not making this up (but obviously someone got creative when they did) but we get the feeling this is as "real" as those 80 cent payment shareholders were waiting for in January... and February... and March:

Al Hodges has been verified to actually be Abu Hadif Laikim of Nepal. The website with the only known picture of the man purported to be Hodges was a setup and he really isn't a lawyer. That one picture of him is really a stock photo from an advertising agency. Those that have claimed to talk to him and see him are also operatives and will soon be arrested and charged under International Law with various flonoious acts. Laikim was killed Fri. while trying to cross the Canadian border back into the U.S. He got into a shootout with border guards near Niagra Falls. His death has sent shockwaves through the D.O.J. as he was an operative of theirs, or so they thought. He was actually a double agent working secretly for the W.T.O. Below is the whole story.

Wow, really? Here I thought there was absolutely no way to make this story any stranger than it already is.

Back to somewhat reasonable information. CMKM has responded to a shareholder letter which contained all manner of nonsense (we can only guess) thusly:

The board at this time finds that the request to pursue action against Mr. Hodges to be misguided and unwise. The case before the court as mentioned above was dismissed. The company has asked for evidence and received none. There is no meritable action that we can find to take at this time There are simply no accounts, trusts, funds and settlement damages that the company can find to pursue. We have stated and restated this several times in the past. We are hopeful for all shareholders and this company that a compensation fund of some type does exist and that Mr. Hodges is successful in the pursuit of this matter based on the information he possesses and wishes to keep confidential. If the company can assist in that endeavour it stands ready to assist Mr. Hodges and his shareholder clients.

Demanding that we pursue something that does not appear to exist would be irresponsible and would cause the company to expend valuable resources in the process. We have instructed management to obtain a copy of any trust agreement holding funds for shareholder regardless of the source, this management has not found evidence any agreement has ever been in existence. In response to the accusation that the Board is in breach of its fiduciary duty, please see the financial statements posted on our company website.

This is after CEO Kevin West resigned in February. While CMKM is actively seeking a new CEO (payment may include stock, according to their website), I can't imagine there are many people lining up for that set-up. But hey, guess it doesn't matter if the company is a fraud and this guy Al really some dude from Nepal.

What.
The.
Fuck.

Here's the latest on the SEC case against CMKM. At this rate, we should know what actually happened some time in 2035.

Background reading: CMKM: The Greatest Financial Statements We've Ever Seen. Ever.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.

3 comments:

B Olive said...

Whoever wrote this is one sick bastard!

MineralsRus

Mark from Vegas said...

Can someone tell me what a flonious act is?

Mark,

Flonious is what Bernanke and Geithner do in private to each other behind closed doors.