Texas Governor Rick Perry Tells Texans to Pray For Rain

When in doubt, pray.

Our friend in Revelation, Fox News:

Gov. Rick Perry, a devout Christian, is calling on all Texans to pray for rain as most of the state battles an extreme and exceptional drought.

Perry has proclaimed a three-day period, from Friday to Sunday, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the state.

"I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life," he wrote in the proclamation.

May 5 is already a National Day of Prayer so we hope Texans get their wishes in early before St Peter is inundated with all kinds of tedious bullshit like "please can I have a pony?" and "Dear God, make my wife stop being such an intolerable bitch!"

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is already beating off heathen lawsuits in a direct response to her Arizona Day of Prayer in 2009 and 2010, as well as a day of prayer set aside on Jan. 17, 2010 for the state budget. Like God has nothing better to do but magically fund Arizona state employee pensions.

JDA is all for freedom of religion and may be a bit of a closeted religious nut herself (higher power, not the shiny white hippie most of us identify with Jesus Christ, nor the vengeful asshole some call "God" who strikes you down for jerking off even though He gave us opposable thumbs and loathes gay people even though He created them) but is also for freedom from religion. When politicians start talking about praying for the budget, we have a problem.

Want to take it a step further? The group opposing Brewer's Day of Prayer is offering debaptismal certificates for those looking to proudly renounce their unwilling participation in organized religion. The certificate, from the Freedom From Religion Foundation, reads:

“I, having been subjected to a Christian baptism before reaching an age of consent, or having submitted to baptism before embracing freethought and reason, hereby officially renounce that primitive rite and the Church that imposed it. I categorically reject the creeds, dogmas, and superstitions of my former religion, particularly the pernicious doctrines of ‘Original Sin’ and damnation.

“I further denounce as an affront and defamation to humanity the false and demeaning belief that any baby is born with ‘Original Sin’ and must be cleansed of it by baptism. From this day forward, I wish to be excluded from any claims of religious affiliation or membership based on baptismal records.”

The FFRF makes no claims as to consequences in the hereafter but we have it on good authority that when Jesus comes back he is going to be pissed. You've been warned.

I'll pray for y'all.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Anonymous said...

First as a Lamb, then returns as a Lion. I don't think he'll be pissed - disappointed and maybe a little melancholy but I don't think Sweet Baby Jesus will be pissed. But, St. Micheal will be itching for a fight and full of piss and vinegar and St. Michael really, really, really likes his job.

*munches holier-than-thou popcorn*

I've repented and live a purpose-driven life, I'm cool either way.

Anonymous said...

Happy Easter, JDA

Mark from Vegas said...

Who was that math dude way back when who postulated that logic demanded a belief in God and the afterlife?

He said if you believe, and it turns out that religion is all bullshit, you are no worse off than you were before.

If, however, you don't believe, and God exists, you will be in deep (and hot)shit when the day of reckoning comes.

The only way it works out for the nonbeliever is if there is actually no God. Statistically, you are just screwed.

Hope you had a happy Easter with the chicks, JDA!!!

Anonymous said...

So far no rain, but lots of wild fire and many thousands of $ worth of political gifts for Gov Perry. It seems true that God works in strange ways, but does he really make a mockery of those who pray for him to change the natural order of things to satisfy their out-of-control religious egos? Just asking..