Got Plans Saturday?

Lucky me, I get to work on Judgment Day. Hopefully this means an easy drive on the Beltway but I have the sneaking suspicion that my fellow DC folk will be sticking around well past the Rapture and beyond. I mean, hello, it's Washington we're talking about here.

We know what doomsayer Harold Camping will be doing on Saturday, he'll be glued to the radio listening for first signs of the Rapture:

As for Camping, his precise plans are uncertain, but the broadcaster from Alameda, in northern California, intends to be with his wife that day.

"I'll probably try to be very near a TV or a radio or something," Camping told Reuters. "Because I'll be interested in what's happening on the other side of the world as this begins."

Camping said an earthquake will shake the Earth, and that true believers will be swept to heaven, while others will remain behind for the world's destruction in coming months.

"We know without any shadow of a doubt it is going to happen," he said.

Plucky entrepreneurs have already expressed a desire to "make some money" off of this, some going so far as to post on Craigslist. And if a cache of Christian items isn't your bag, maybe you're interested in volunteering to adopt a pet left behind by the return of Christ our King and/or Queen?

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets can help. For $135, the organization will re-home un-Raptured pets with a certified atheist.

I'm specifically looking for a new tortoiseshell cat if any Christians in the DC Metro are packing for Saturday and don't want their little Muffy left behind to his or her own devices. Hit me up. I'm pretty sure I'll be sitting around on Saturday night when all's said and done, it's not like I can take off of work to be called home to Christ. A capitalist's work is never done (it's OK, God made me this way so he must have intended for me to be such a money-grubbing asshole).

Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. (In case you haven't gathered, I'm pretty sure it isn't this Saturday.)

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Anonymous said...

"it's not like I can take off of work to be called home to Christ"

this made me laugh out loud in a crowded restaurant... people looked at me like I was nuts.