TLP: Once Upon a Time, His Worst Problem Was Being Called 'Breck Girl'

edwards investigation
Poor John Edwards, doing it so wrong. He didn't get to be president. Or vice president. He'd barely become a baby daddy when he got busted by the National Enquirer, forcing him to run into hotel bathrooms in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, another political baby daddy got elected governor of California. Twice.

The wife Edwards cheated on died. His sex tape ended up in court. An aide wrote a book. And now this, according to the NYT:
The Justice Department plans to move ahead with criminal charges against the former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards, contending that he misused campaign funds to cover up an affair with his mistress, a person close to Mr. Edwards said Wednesday morning.

“DOJ has made its decision to move forward with charges,” the person told The New York Times in an e-mail. “This phase of the case is moving rapidly toward conclusion,” the person added, but did not clarify whether this meant that an indictment was coming or that the whole case was moving toward a conclusion through a plea bargain.
And it's not even the fucking, it's the fucking money. Ask John Ensign about that. And watch Mark Sanford, who reimbursed South Carolina after his travel expenses were questioned, roll around in the sand with his Argentinian girlfriend after a long hike on the Appalachian Trail.

Fuck, the way things are going for Edwards, he might want to go to jail.

The Lazy Paperboy

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.