Amazing Fraud: Ohio Woman (Allegedly) Steals a $110,000 Tank of Bull Semen to Extort Her Boss
OK, seriously, we have officially lost our minds as a society. First of all, how the fuck do you lift a tank of bull nut and why on Earth did this woman think this plan of hers was going to work?
An Ohio woman stole a valuable container of frozen bull semen from her former employer and planned to use the pilfered seed to extort her ex-boss, prosecutors charged.
But suspect Karen Saum pleaded not guilty in a Springfield court on Tuesday to stealing a tank containing $110,000 of cattle sperm from Genetic Connections, which specializes in veterinary artificial insemination, TV station WHIO reported.
Authorities alleged that Saum, 45, was going to ransom the frozen semen in exchange for help starting a business.
Here's the very best part of this fraud, police said the woman used her knowledge of Genetic Connections' layout to "steal some of the most valuable bodily fluids on the premises." None of this second rate baby bull juice, she went straight for the good stuff.
"She knew where this semen would have been located," Det. James Hollopeter said, WHIO reported. "It was actually locked in an interior closet because it was more valuable that some of the other that they had out."
Obviously Genetic Connections needs to work on its internal controls, perhaps by installing a second locking mechanism on the good bull drippings storage room.
What was the threat here? "Gimme money or the sperm gets it!"?
Fun, somewhat related fact: during the Bushy Jr years, the United States exported $12.6 million worth of bull semen to Iran. Maybe they were using it to advance their weapons program. No one wants to get hit with a 20 gauge buckshot and bull nut blast.