TLP: Dunkin' Donuts Worker Misses the Point of "Public Offering"

dunkin hooker
Selling coffee is serious business. Starbucks has gone supersize to try to capture customers, but they can't quite figure out the food thing. Scones? Muffins? Eggawhatthefuckins? Dunkin' Donuts has that nailed: Hello, they sell donuts. And perhaps other treats, if you believe the police in Rockaway, N.J.

Daily Record:
A 29-year-old woman working the night shift at Dunkin Donuts is facing prostitution charges for allegedly taking breaks from selling donuts and coffee to provide sexual services in exchange for money.

Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, was arrested after a six week investigation known as “extra sugar” that began when police got a tip that people could go to the Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 and arrange a liaison with Redmond.

“I had gotten an anonymous tip,” Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann, who led the investigation. “She was a night time employee (working 9 p.m. to 5 a.m.), supposedly a very good one.’’

Schwarzmann began gathering information and doing surveillance at the scene. He noticed on multiple evenings that she would go out to cars to see customers and would spend 10 or 15 minutes there, he said.

“Sometimes I 'd even see money changing hands,’’ Schwarzmann said, adding that sometimes the cars would stay in the parking lot and other times they would drive to another nearby location.

An undercover operation was developed with the assistance of Officer Robert Koehler and Officer Scott Haigh acting as the undercover “John.”
First, this was a six-week investigation? The parking lot "surveillance" must be have been extensive on this case. Or something. Not to judge. Just hope he grabbed some napkins from the counter.

And second, maybe that's just how she fills an order for donut holes.

The Lazy Paperboy

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Dave said...

I'd think twice before ordering a glazed donut.

Not to mention anything creme-filled.

Haha! I will never eat glazed or creme-filled donuts again. Bleh, the whole thing pretty much turns me off of any donuts now. :( Thanks Dunkin Donuts, you suck! Heh, literally!

wcv said...

Like the tapioca at Quintessence in New York.

Anonymous said...

America runs on Dunkin.

Anonymous said...

Captain America runs on Dunkin Donuts. If superheroes were real, would their orgasms be super orgasms? When Bruce Banner gets pissed and turns into Hulk, does EVERYTHING turn green and large?

Ask the detective. He was out there conducting "surveillance" night after night after night.

wcv said...


Captain America blew her brains all over the dashboard.

Anonymous said...

well, you know how prosecutors like to have slam dunk cases - that requires lots and lots of donuts. I liked the "extra sugar" code wording... that's nice.

Anonymous said...

she wouldn't do Red Skul - just too nasty.

Anonymous said...

Hulk pound... Hulk smash!!! Hulk have donut and take nap.

chairmanben said...

Someone point Grover Norquist and the other unelected grumpy Washington insiders to Dunkin Donuts.

W.C. Varones said...

Is Grover the customer or the employee?

tsada kay said...

This makes me want a Cooterlata.

That's on a special menu.

Anonymous said...

I am going to work extra sugar into my next nefarious activity. See if I don't.