This Explains Why My Condo Is So Cheap
Loud sex is a billion dollar problem, says Jon Bittner in Forbes:
Using census data and analysis of an informal pricing survey of 114 users of Splitwise.com (a “share bills” app for roommates which I co-founded), I estimate that solving the loud sex problem alone would be worth $1.1-1.9 billion per year to the US market. Mitigating all unpleasant noises would represent a market of around $12 billion per year for the population we considered.Bittner suggest the market could be made more transparent by allowing buyers and renters to see the history of nighttime disturbances in a given apartment before they buy. That wouldn't work in my part of DC, you don't snitch on people, even those who are banging their headboard against your wall. That's, naturally, why mine is against the outside wall. I'm not a shitty neighbor.
He estimates that the potentially affected population is about 33.5 million people (people 20-34 living with at least one other person who is not their spouse), which leaves 18.4 million sufferers.
Well what the fuck... you're talking about 22 year olds crammed into a house, not my neighbor disrupting me on a Thursday night by bringing home some skanky hoodrat from the projects across the way. According to his research, those who suffer from this awful situation would be willing to pay to remove all unpleasant sounds. The amount they'd be willing to pay? $53.81 per month, or $645.72 per year.
Hate to break it to you, Goldilocks, but you're going to have to cough up more than that to ditch the roommate and bang your snookums on the floor like a grown up (as loudly as you'd like).