The Buy More Cheerleaders Attack the Brits

 pic credit: Mindflowers

Get off your ass and shop now!

The Daily Mail wants you to spend a shit ton of money you don't have on nail polish:

Despite fears of a new recession, economists have been quick to point out how well the sales of beauty products have held up. Even when we are strapped for cash, it seems, we’re still able to justify the purchase of a small cosmetic treat to boost our spirits when times are tough.

Financial boffins have even coined terms for these phenomena — the Lipstick Index, the Foundation Factor. Now, however, it’s time to embrace a new catchphrase: the Varnish Vector.

It’s a term to reflect the fact that more women than ever are buying nail polishes, a fact proven by the latest statistics from Superdrug showing a 37  per cent rise in sales in the past year.

The Varnish Vector? Is whoever wrote that completely serious or am I misunderstanding?

WOW, 37 percent sounds pretty exciting (btw Superdrug is the #2 largest drug store in Britain) independent of any other statistics. Like how many Brits have discontinued costly manicures in favor of store-bought polish jobs. Or how much 37 percent actually is (like $370? $3700? $37,000?! It's hard to get excited about a number I don't know).

The Mail then trots out an "expert" who explains how a splurge like "trendy" nail polish is actually like crack for broke people in a disturbing time such as our own:

'It’s an inexpensive treat which is something we all like when everything else is unsettled around us,’ says psychotherapist Lucy Beresford. ‘Nail varnish is not a basic cosmetic product like a foundation or a concealer, it’s at the playful end of the spectrum. These little pick-me-ups form part of healthy self-care, which is an indicator of mental well-being.’

First of all, how does this psychotherapist define "inexpensive?" To some, an inexpensive treat is heat in winter. To others, it's real cheese. For others, it's a car. It's a bit broad to call a £17.50 bottle of Chanel nail polish "an inexpensive treat." Though the psychotherapist was simply explaining the psychology behind buying a bottle of polish, the Mail is reaching a bit by including that comment. Not to mention the fact that she throws in the bit about foundation being "necessary" - as if human beings cannot live a fulfilling life without concealer and foundation slapped on their faces.

For someone with 45 bottles of polish already and no idea how they will put gas in their car at the end of the week when the tank runs out, a £17.50 bottle of Chanel nail polish is far from a "little pick-me-up," which I also find reckless as far as "expert" comments go. The psychology at work here is not that of a shopper but that of a pro-shopping person. Several little pick-me-ups in a compulsive shopper's life can actually destroy someone's personal balance sheet, especially in lean times. I can't believe they actually quoted this person.

I get that articles like this are targeted toward a very specific demographic (that doesn't include me, I've purposely opted-out of the 30-year-old female marketing since I was a 14-year-old getting pushed Teen Spirit and Virginia Slims) but it's destructive to the collective psyche of a society. Paint your nails like this. Wear this outfit. Do this to your hair. Get a big ring. Get a big car. Fuck you!

Here's another one about one woman's 25-year-old battle with grey hair. Are you serious? There's nothing more important going on in the world than a few fucking grey hairs? I found out I had a few in a little patch a few months ago and stopped dyeing my hair as often. I couldn't imagine waging a 25-year-old war on them, even if I did get a little butthurt when they showed up. It's pretty pathetic programming to make a 25-year-old war on grey hair an entire story.

Back in July, we learned that a quarter of Brits are living in poverty thanks to rising fuel prices (not inflation and definitely not our inflation being exported to any place dependent on our cheap money):

As energy prices go through the roof, shocking figures reveal one in four families has been plunged into fuel poverty. Consumer Focus warns as many as 6 million could be forced to choose between a hot meal or heating their homes this winter.

Single parents are the hardest hit with 39% of mother or father and child households struggling to pay bills.

The figures are higher than the one in five first estimated and show for the first time wealthier families have also been hammered by spiralling fuel costs with 15% of middle classes now fuel poor.

Hmm... nail polish? Or heat?

The wrong decision could kill you.

Then again, if you can't afford heat, you probably can't afford the Internet, and therefore will never see the article and be brainwashed into buying a bunch of bullshit nail polish.

Carry on.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


chairmanben said...

£17.50 bottle of Chanel nail polish (jeesh)!

My pick me up is number 3 beard trim with Wahl Professional Hair Clippers, about $50 from Target or Amazon.

Trim the nose hair, eye brows, and neck hair for that perfect groomed professor look in DC.

Also the dog looks great with #3 clippers.