If No One Takes You Seriously, Try Dressing Like a Zombie

 pic credit: Foxtongue via Flickr (Zombiewalk Vancouver, 2005)

God, it just gets better, doesn't it?

Sick of being branded as distracted dirty hippies with drums, the Occupy Wall Street kids have come up with a genius plan to really get folks to understand they are serious. And it involves fake blood:

Everyone come dressed as a corporate zombie! This means jacket and tie if possible, white face, fake blood, eating monopoly money, and doing a slow march, so when people come to work on Monday in this neighborhood they see us reflecting the metaphor of their actions. Tell your friends, Facebook it, Twitter it, and it can be MJ Thriller-style too! Create a different image than police brutality!

Really? I'm pretty sure the corporate zombies will not get the joke considering it's hard to reflect them when you're a 22-year-old in green face paint covered in fake blood with no job and they are working professionals trying to get by in this awful world of ours.

Gawker had a more helpful suggestion for the protesters:

You guys should all put on spotless tailored suits, slick back your hair, and march around Zuccotti Park in neat rows, shouting into cell phones about your investments. That would make a statement, and also shut up all the ”dirty stinky hippie”-haters, at least for a day or so.

Right! How about those piece of shit CDOs, motherfucker!?!

Denninger is calling the "movement" communism but labels like that will quickly get any argument dismissed... is he wrong? What else do you call a group of people who demand higher education as a human right?

That there is no "cohesive set of demands" may be a good thing, if it's real. The problem is that I'm not sure this is the case. Among some of the "looney tunes" demands I've heard include:

  • A $20/hour minimum wage.
  • The right to receive it irrespective of whether you work.
  • Cancellation of student loan debt (Note: Not bankruptcy discharge, which I support - just flat cancellation without consequence to the borrower.)
  • Tariffs to stop wage and environmental arbitrage (good) and wide-open borders (horrifyingly bad and flatly impossible given the first two demands.)
  • A right to a college education (not an aspiration, a right - which means irrespective of ability. How has this worked out for our High Schools when we forced everyone, including those who are on the lower end of the bell curve in intelligence, into "mainstream" classrooms? It's been an unqualified statistical disaster.)

Add up all the above and you have a thinly-disguised attempt to demand Communism.

I wonder how many of the participants realize how thin a line it is they are treading, and how awful their lives will be if they get their way.

Once again, yes I realize we are fucked. Yes I realize it's mostly the banks' fault. But overthrowing the evil dictators at Bank of America is only going to make room for new, just as evil dictators, and there is no way to win without striking at the root. Hint: it's the Federal Reserve, not Wall Street.

And if the entitlement generation really wants to be taken seriously, leave the fucking zombie outfits at home and put on a God damn tie.

The good news is it appears there are a few job openings in Oakland if anyone is looking:

Wiljago Cook, 33, of Oakland, Calif., who joined the protest on the first day, said "exposing police brutality wasn't even really on my agenda but my eyes have been opened."

She and her boyfriend and two neighbors all quit their jobs to come and planned "to stay as long as it seems useful," said Cook, who had worked for a nonprofit theater group.

She was wearing zombie makeup that included a red streak down her forehead. "It's a cheeky and fun way to make the same point that we've been making," Cook said of her painted face.

Is it any wonder some of these kids can't find a job? I mean who is going to hire the chick with a half-shaven head?


Time to grow up, people. Said the dirty hipster with 38 tattoos, stretched ears, skunk hair and two very awesome jobs. You don't have to sell out to work, you just have to work.

Now THAT is a revolutionary concept.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.

5 comments:

Dean said...

JDA, nice work.

Every single one of their demands entails the confiscation of goods and services from someone else. I don't know if that's communism but it's certainly doomed to failure.

Who would hire the girl with the half-shaven head? Let me answer that for you: We will. The internet industry. If she's got talent, we will even pay her 6 figures (probably more than you are paid). In fact, her hair will even help her get noticed in tech hubs such as San Francisco, New York, Amsterdam or London.

There are industries where knowledge, talent and ability count for more than looks and conformity. Sadly, the financial industry is not one of those. Who's holding the anachronistic attitude now?

Oh please. No one will notice her in San Francisco, she looks like 95% of everyone else who lives there. I don't know if you heard but the "Internet industry" has dried up a bit since its heyday in 2000, and it takes seven jobs just to get by there. I would know because I just abandoned it as home (after ten + years) a year ago.

Don't give me the lecture on industries who value "knowledge and talent," you're assuming because she has a shaved head, she must be creative and talented.

But hey, if you have buckets of cash to give out, by all means, you're welcome to track her down.

And for YOUR information, I'm not in the financial industry and did once have a shaved head of my own. But then I grew up and put on a long-sleeved shirt so my tattoos don't scare my employer.

chairmanben said...

Can't recall seeing any half-shaven headed female developers at any SF internet startup. Now working Barista duty, flogging retail fashions or working non-profit theater - well yes...

I was expecting rebuttals. :)

"Oh please. No one will notice her in San Francisco, she looks like 95% of everyone else who lives there."
If that were true, then why would she have a hard time finding a job here? You're subverting your own statements about what is "normal" and why people should conform....

"I don't know if you heard but the "Internet industry" has dried up a bit since its heyday in 2000, and it takes seven jobs just to get by there."

The startup I'm currently working at as a developer would disagree with that. So would Facebook, Twitter, Google, Apple, Foursquare... hell, go dig into crunchbase (http://www.crunchbase.com/) and see how much activity there is. The industry is not just alive and well - it is thriving. Just because wads of money aren't being thrown around (stupidly) as they were in the past does not mean the industry has dried up. I, and many of my peers, are doing quite well here.

"I would know because I just abandoned it as home (after ten + years) a year ago."

That's your choice. Enjoy.

"And for YOUR information, I'm not in the financial industry and did once have a shaved head of my own. But then I grew up and put on a long-sleeved shirt so my tattoos don't scare my employer."

So who's to say that she doesn't wear her hair in a more "presentable" manner when she's at work? Again, you're subverting your own statements and proving that your initial reaction was largely unfounded.