Please Donate Vegan Paninis and Your Used Suits to Occupy Wall Street



Kids, we have a crisis on our hands. The Occupy Wall Street protesters are starving, and the only thing to feed them is, of course, vegan paninis and taqueria burritos.

No joke, the "NY General Assembly" donation page (this is the name they've come up with for themselves, presumably), asks supporters to feed them:

Order Us Food

Panini & Co 115 Broadway: Please try to focus on vegan and vegetarian options with some meat options.

Lemongrass Grill: Please try to focus on vegan and vegetarian options with some meat options.

Tolache Taqueria: Please try to focus on vegan and vegetarian options with some meat options.

Lemongrass Grill features such incendiary cuisine as $8 crab rangoon and $9 Tofu Delight. I guess they ran out of Skippy and Nutri-grain bars down there at the anti-corporate protest?

Order your own fucking food!

Now paint me unsympathetic but when I protested the Federal Reserve three times over the course of a year and a half, I bought my own damn Starbucks (dirty corporate whorebag!) and ice cream. Well that's not entirely true, I'm pretty sure WC Varones bought me a beer or two for the last one.

Anyway, of all the crap I've read on this over the last few days, I have to say the following plea posted on Reddit by one HotKarlMarx (hilarious) was among the most sensible. Once again, this is NOT a party issue. I am NOT a bitter Republican who can't stand dirty hippies, in fact, I often get confused for a liberal (I know, it's hard to tell with the tattoos) and am OK with that unless I get confused for a Nancy Pelosi supporter, which is 64% of the reason why I was forced to leave San Francisco. But I digress.

Guys, listen. Here's the deal.

I love you guys with every shred of my hard-left leaning heart. But I think you might be doing something wrong. Here is one thing that can help you.

Tomorrow, wear a polo and khakis

Seriously. polos and khakis. Every time you guys DO finally get some fucking press, it's a scrawny dude with dreads in a ratty t-shirt. You're going big here, dress it. Tomorrow, Polo shirt and Khakis.

Why? Because you need to get the right-leaning equivalent of me on your side. I'm 35 right now. I understand where the hippy thing comes from. I get it as well as a guy who's 35 can. My Counterparts do not. They think you are scummy druggies on welfare and when they see on tv a bunch of people who they think are S.D's on W, they root for the cops to hit you again.

Speaking of the cops, Who do you think they'll mace first? SD's on W, or a guy in khakis and a polo? Seriously, it's fucking cop camouflage. And if they DO come for you. When people at home see PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE THEM getting abused by police... That's when shit changes.

Seeing protesters get beat up means nothing because protesters get beat up all the time. Therefore, don't look like a protester! This connects you to the person watching and opens them to your side!

So for serious. Do it. You're almost about to tip this thing over. Polos and khakis. Cop Camo + target audience = Shave, shower and polos and khakis.

TL;DR: Polo shirt and Khakis = dress code for nyc protests tomorrow.

Do it.

Edit: Going to bed soon, one more thing before I turn it over to all of you.

Please spread this as much as you can. Professionalism will help push this thing over the edge. You have labor pushing you. National Media is starting to wake up to you. You're almost there. Keep pushing.

Think: Business Casual Friday. Don't play it up like the Billionaires for healthcare. You're just a guy, going to work in this big office building here.

Even if you don't think that you SHOULD be judged on appearances (which I do agree), You have to realize that you ARE. Fight the appearance fight another day. Polos and khakis.

Do it.

Sad but true, and I recommend heading to the Reddit link to find a very reasonable, clear-headed discussion on this issue.

Here are a bunch of "99 Percenters" holding signs that I suppose should make us sympathetic to their cause. Oh, you squeezed out 3 kids and saddled yourself with student loan debt and I should, what, hate Wall Street for doing that to you? Please. Personal responsibility, people, it's an incredible thing.

I stand by my position. The entitlement generation is coming to the realization that the world is not the sunshiny "you are special" utopia they were taught it was and this is what you get.

It only gets worse from here, kids. Lock up your daughters.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.

11 comments:

It's funny how many "BFAs" there are in that mix...

For those who don't know - that's "Bachelor of Fine Arts." Now THERE'S a rigorous academic discipline with real-world usefulness, huh?

The signs SHOULD read "I wasted 6 years getting a useless 4-year degree and now I'm working at starbucks. ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO MADE BETTER DECISIONS MUST BE FORCED (at the muzzle of a government gun) TO PAY ME!

What's WORSE is that *NONE* of them grok *ANY* personal responsibility, and the people they're looking to SAVE them are the ones who f***ed them over so horribly in the first place!

It was feel-good, Leftard "REDISTRIBUTIONIST" policies embodied in the CRA that brought our entire financial-system to its knees and is now taking the whole world down with it!

Yet these idiots are screaming "THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?!"

WORST OF ALL, they're supporting the very politicians who created the whole mess, and the very policies they used to do it -- all the while never looking at the fact that their kool-aid-flavored-lollipop-messiah is the bigges wall-st whore in the history of political whoredom!

And these are our "best & brightest"?!

God help us -- and GOD SAVE OUR REPUBLIC!

The establishment communists are practically drooling right now.

Lazy as I am, I earned a BFA (double-majored, but shhhh, that'll blow my lazy cover) and have been productively employed ever since.

What's more, I somehow landed this gig, too, and haven't fucked up badly enough yet to get fired. Yay, personal responsibility!

Anonymous said...

HotKarlMarx


Now that is funny on so many levels.

For those of you not in the know. Google "Hot Carl".

Graybeard said...

Someone should ask Mr. "Top1 1%, Y U No Pay Taxes?", Y U No Spend 1 Minute with Google?? Then U Wud Know, top 1% pays just about 40% of all income taxes.

The original (non-hot) Karl Marx would call these kids "useful idiots". They're doing the work of Soros and the puppet masters, and the people they think they're protesting. The puppet masters will laugh last.

(side note, re: Hot Carl - they have a word just for that???)

Anonymous said...

"The entitlement generation is coming to the realization that the world is not the sunshiny "you are special" utopia they were taught it was and this is what you get"

I understand what you are saying but at the same time am also sympathetic toward SOME of these young people. An older generation TAUGHT these kids to think this way over a long period of time.


George Carlin tried to warn us

"What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless
yammering in the media, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow
everything--everything--has to revolve around the lives of children. It's
completely out of balance."

Anonymous said...

What's happened is, these baby boomers, these soft, fruity baby
boomers, have raised an entire generation of soft, fruity kids who aren't
even allowed hazardous toys, for Chrissakes!

The rubber is meeting the road, George.

Anonymous said...

As I’ve previously mentioned, my life’s goal is to retire to the Dakotas, raise some Brits, hunt some pheasants, smoke some cigars, drink some hooch and generally tell the world to pucker up and kiss my sweet ass. Admittedly, this is a pretty isolationist point of view and who knows – as I age, I may change my mind or circumstances might change my mind for me. The fact is that most people do not think that way and choose to live in tighter communities and have closer social contacts with one another. That said, you can’t have a “frontier mindset” while living in a “communal environment”. It is oil and water. Either you want to do much of everything for yourself or you want to rely on others for part of your existence. If that’s the case, the kiddies need to know how to “play nice” with each other. You can’t allow some of the kiddies to be perpetual bullies out on the sand lot. Eventually, the little puny, scrawny guys are going to figure out that they can join together and create some sort of change. They may only bloody the nose of one of the bigger bullies (throw one or two in jail) or they might be able to go “Lord of the Flies” on their asses (overthrow a government – don’t laugh, it happens from time to time). Now, I’m self-serving and have no problem admitting to that fact. The bullies insure private party ownership and when I head for the Dakotas, I want my farm to be MY farm – not some communal bullshit setting where I get to listen to bongo drums and smell pot smoke every damned night. But at the same time, the bullies have gotten a little too big for their britches and if they’re not taken down a few notches, these few rich pricks will run up the price of property (and everything else) so much that small potatoes savers like myself will NEVER be able to afford any sort of acreage of any size. So, for that reason, I need to be cheering on the hippies, etc. in their quest to “stick it to the man”. I have a little soft spot for them as I like the contrarians and the underdogs and Cassandra’s of the world. I couldn’t help but want to dig <a href="http://newdeal.feri.org/speeches/1932c.htm>this</a> up and read it for grins and giggles today. We forget about "the little people" at our peril. "God must love the common man, he made so many of them." - A. Lincoln

Anonymous said...

I couldn’t help but want to dig this up and read it for grins and giggles today. Whoopsies!!! Are you ever sorry you taught me how to do that? snicker, snicker...

Anonymous said...

I saw someone's comment "Please occupy a shower" and had a good laugh...

Jogging past the little tent city on my way to the Old Court House and Arch on Tuesday, I got a little whiff of Eau de Hippie and was hoping for a little rain soon so the kids might be able to lather up a bit. We got some showers yesterday but I suspect not quite enough.

I can't throw stones - I've gone tent camping for a week at a stretch and gone home with an Oscar de la Old Bastard thing going on.

Anonymous said...

Back from my huff-a-thon to the Arch and happy to report that the kids are alright. Beeeeee-u-teee-ful camping weather here in St. Louis right now. Crisp, cool, bluebird skies and starry nights.... perfect for curling up with your significant other in a sleeping bag after a long day of sticking it to the man. I'm surprised they've got the energy to stick it to each other after a long day of sticking it to the man.... aaaahhh, wonderful sweet youth.