Please Donate Vegan Paninis and Your Used Suits to Occupy Wall Street
Kids, we have a crisis on our hands. The Occupy Wall Street protesters are starving, and the only thing to feed them is, of course, vegan paninis and taqueria burritos.
No joke, the "NY General Assembly" donation page (this is the name they've come up with for themselves, presumably), asks supporters to feed them:
Order Us Food
Panini & Co 115 Broadway: Please try to focus on vegan and vegetarian options with some meat options.
Lemongrass Grill: Please try to focus on vegan and vegetarian options with some meat options.
Tolache Taqueria: Please try to focus on vegan and vegetarian options with some meat options.
Lemongrass Grill features such incendiary cuisine as $8 crab rangoon and $9 Tofu Delight. I guess they ran out of Skippy and Nutri-grain bars down there at the anti-corporate protest?
Order your own fucking food!
Now paint me unsympathetic but when I protested the Federal Reserve three times over the course of a year and a half, I bought my own damn Starbucks (dirty corporate whorebag!) and ice cream. Well that's not entirely true, I'm pretty sure WC Varones bought me a beer or two for the last one.
Anyway, of all the crap I've read on this over the last few days, I have to say the following plea posted on Reddit by one HotKarlMarx (hilarious) was among the most sensible. Once again, this is NOT a party issue. I am NOT a bitter Republican who can't stand dirty hippies, in fact, I often get confused for a liberal (I know, it's hard to tell with the tattoos) and am OK with that unless I get confused for a Nancy Pelosi supporter, which is 64% of the reason why I was forced to leave San Francisco. But I digress.
Guys, listen. Here's the deal.
I love you guys with every shred of my hard-left leaning heart. But I think you might be doing something wrong. Here is one thing that can help you.
Tomorrow, wear a polo and khakis
Seriously. polos and khakis. Every time you guys DO finally get some fucking press, it's a scrawny dude with dreads in a ratty t-shirt. You're going big here, dress it. Tomorrow, Polo shirt and Khakis.
Why? Because you need to get the right-leaning equivalent of me on your side. I'm 35 right now. I understand where the hippy thing comes from. I get it as well as a guy who's 35 can. My Counterparts do not. They think you are scummy druggies on welfare and when they see on tv a bunch of people who they think are S.D's on W, they root for the cops to hit you again.
Speaking of the cops, Who do you think they'll mace first? SD's on W, or a guy in khakis and a polo? Seriously, it's fucking cop camouflage. And if they DO come for you. When people at home see PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE THEM getting abused by police... That's when shit changes.
Seeing protesters get beat up means nothing because protesters get beat up all the time. Therefore, don't look like a protester! This connects you to the person watching and opens them to your side!
So for serious. Do it. You're almost about to tip this thing over. Polos and khakis. Cop Camo + target audience = Shave, shower and polos and khakis.
TL;DR: Polo shirt and Khakis = dress code for nyc protests tomorrow.
Edit: Going to bed soon, one more thing before I turn it over to all of you.
Please spread this as much as you can. Professionalism will help push this thing over the edge. You have labor pushing you. National Media is starting to wake up to you. You're almost there. Keep pushing.
Think: Business Casual Friday. Don't play it up like the Billionaires for healthcare. You're just a guy, going to work in this big office building here.
Even if you don't think that you SHOULD be judged on appearances (which I do agree), You have to realize that you ARE. Fight the appearance fight another day. Polos and khakis.
Sad but true, and I recommend heading to the Reddit link to find a very reasonable, clear-headed discussion on this issue.
Here are a bunch of "99 Percenters" holding signs that I suppose should make us sympathetic to their cause. Oh, you squeezed out 3 kids and saddled yourself with student loan debt and I should, what, hate Wall Street for doing that to you? Please. Personal responsibility, people, it's an incredible thing.
I stand by my position. The entitlement generation is coming to the realization that the world is not the sunshiny "you are special" utopia they were taught it was and this is what you get.
It only gets worse from here, kids. Lock up your daughters.