USPS Mailmen Are Tree-Hating, Clutter-Loving Polluters
Know what I hate? Mail. In all forms. I hate that Washingtonian sold my information (I subscribe... and no, I will not renew when my subscription is up thanks to this shady tactic) so I get all kinds of weird offers for Nestle Pure Life and car insurance that clutter up my mailbox. I pay all of my bills online like most people these days and though I have elected to receive most of my bills via email, I still get bombarded by Victoria's Secret catalogs, insurance offers and proxy statements. No sooner do I clean out my mailbox than more crap magically appears with my name on it. Worse, I seem to end up with my neighbors' mortgage statements and bills at least once a week even though our names are not at all similar and we obviously live in different units.
I proudly work for a company which buys carbon offsets to make up for the few things we print a year and our energy usage during office hours though I am certainly not a tree-hugging crazy about it. I recycle my beer bottles, stack my pizza boxes and turn lights off when I am not using them but I wouldn't call myself an environmentalist, I figure this Earth is doomed with or without global warming.
Anyway, I was watching teevee tonight on my 47" Energy Star HDTV and happened to see an ad paid for by the United States Postal Service that apparently wants Americans to reconsider their distaste for paper. According to the mailmen, businesses need to start sending more useless pieces of paper to show how much they care... or something.
Watch this (transcript included below for LOL purposes):
"VO: A refrigerator has never been hacked.Umm... an "online virus" has never attacked a MacBook either, USPS, where have you been? Hanging out in an AOL chat room?
An online virus has never attacked a corkboard.
Give your customers the added feeling of security a printed statement or receipt provides with Mail.
It's good for your business.
And even better for your customers.
For safe and secure ways to stay connected, visit usps.com/mail"
Added security, huh? For whom? The mailmen who are afraid they'll be out of a job if this whole "let's use the Internet so we don't have to waste paper" thing keeps up? I don't see the trend moving in USPS' favor any time soon.
Therefore, I'm concluding from this ad that the USPS is nothing but a bunch of selfish, inconsiderate, tree-hating, clutter-loving polluters who would love nothing more than to see the remainder of America's lush forests cut down and made into useless paper stuffed into useless envelopes and sent back and forth across the country for no apparent reason.