For the Moms
When I was 6, the neighborhood boys were teasing me for having new glasses. You see, I was born with a bad eye. A really bad eye. I can't do those 3D pictures you look at long enough until they turn into something else and when I use FaceTime, I can't help but look completely cross-eyed in the little window if I try to focus. It's cool, some people think glasses are hot and personally I think they make me look better, hot or not.
Anyway, it was the 80s so of course my glasses were large and ugly just like my mom's. And of course the neighborhood boys I thought were my friends launched on me almost immediately the day I came home rocking them. See I was kind of a tomboy (I know, hard to imagine) so up until that point I was pretty cool with my fake snot and run over plastic Care Bears, this was a major turn of events. Suddenly I was a dork in my too-tight iron-on t-shirt and red Richard Simmons shorts slit up the side because I had glasses on.
So one morning, I ran running upstairs crying to my mom about how these terrible boys were making fun of me. She looked me straight in the eye (the good one, at least) and said, "I have full faith in your ability to handle this."
WHAT?! You mean she wasn't going to run down there and yell at these boys' parents?! You mean I had to figure it out on my own? Little taunted 6-year-old me?
Well I wiped the tears off my face with the back of my sleeve and ran right back outside to handle the situation.
By the time my mom peered through the blinds to check on me in the yard across the street, I had one boy down on the ground and was in the process of launching the other into a bush. Fuck that. I wasn't going to spend the rest of my elementary school days being taunted by a couple of Milwaukee assholes who would end up tire rotators and drunken deadbeat dads, respectively. And you know what my mom did? Smiled. Told the story years later. Celebrated the fact that she had raised a daughter who would not stand around and be picked on by a couple of dickheads on her own block.
So. Happy Mother's Day to the moms out there for doing the right thing and saying "I have full faith in your ability to handle this." Oh what we would be without that. Good lookin' out, ladies.