TLP: "Support and Defend"

rand oath

So, the Pauls don't like government, we get that, even though they both have found it convenient to collect paychecks and socialized medicine reimbursements from the U.S. Treasury. But it's one thing to want change, another to advocate anarchy.

From Rand Paul's Senate website:
"Just because a couple people on the Supreme Court declare something to be 'constitutional' does not make it so. The whole thing remains unconstitutional. While the court may have erroneously come to the conclusion that the law is allowable, it certainly does nothing to make this mandate or government takeover of our health care right," Sen. Paul said.
Elsewhere on the site, Paul posted the U.S. Constitution, which says in Article III (after vesting judicial power in "one Supreme Court" and other courts) that, "The judicial Power shall extend to all Cases, in Law and Equity, arising under this Constitution, the Laws of the United States" and treaties, maritime cases, "Controversies" and other things having quaint but annoying capitalization.

Wonder which sections of the Constitution he thinks are worth following.


TLP: Don't Feed the Mailmen

postal service

Going postal has come to this.

A group of U.S. Postal Service employees and supporters launched a hunger strike Monday on Capitol Hill, urging action from lawmakers in order to save an agency they said was imperiled by Congress itself.

The postal workers and boosters said they were trying to draw attention to a wonky yet crucial element of postal service reform being considered: the repeal of what's called the "prefunding mandate," a 2006 requirement from Congress that the USPS prefund the retiree heath benefits for its workers 75 years in advance, to the tune of about $5.5 billion per year.

"Congress created the problem, Congress can fix it," said Jamie Partridge, a retired letter carrier who worked in Portland, Ore., for 27 years and is taking part in the hunger strike. "We're just frustrated. We're indignant, we're outraged, we're here to shame Congress into doing the right thing. We're willing to suffer, to go on a hunger strike in order to show our indignation."
In case they hadn't noticed, the future of the Postal Service is not high on the list of priorities for most Americans. Congress isn't especially worked up about it either.

About the only ones who give a shit are the mailmen. And that just makes things worse.


Fat Ass Americans Get Encouragement From Kraft's New "Anything" Dressing Campaign

Paint me disgusted (and I've been known to dip pizza in ranch dressing), Kraft has gone off the reservation by rebranding its salad dressing as "Anything dressing," presumably because Americans aren't all that into salad to begin with.

Showing the versatility of ranch dressing is nothing new - Hidden Valley did it to prove to parents of bratty kids that if you offer up ranch with vegetables, the children will come - but what makes this campaign so disgusting is that most people already know dressing can be used for a lot more than salads and vegetables. Do we really have to be so... whorish about it? Anything, Kraft?! Have some shame!

Just to prove how Kraft dressing is up for anything, the new commercials feature a bottle of dressing whoring it up with chicken and hot dogs. THINK ABOUT THE SALAD, PEOPLE!

Two tablespoons of classic ranch dressing contains 120 calories, all of which are from fat. That's 12g of fat, or 18% of the recommended daily value. But hey, we're talking about making food tasty here, who cares about stuff like fat and sodium?

In theory, Kraft is obviously just trying to sell more dressing (like America needs it) but the reality is that it's disgusting to think about dressing tramping around with everything from burgers to asparagus. Have some dignity, dressing, yeesh.


Nancy Pelosi Tries to Pledge the Constitution as Collateral For Unlimited Free Money We Don't Have

I've always thought Nancy Pelosi was batshit cray cray but this just takes the cake:
“I would like to see the Constitution used to protect the country’s full faith and credit, as the Constitution does,” Pelosi told reporters Wednesday. She was endorsing the idea that Obama should use the 14th Amendment — which states that “The validity of the public debt of the United States . . . shall not be questioned” — to circumvent House Republicans who want spending cuts in exchange for another debt ceiling hike.
LADY WHAT?! Did you just say that out loud?! Is Pelosi actually suggesting that we say screw it and run up the country's credit using the Constitution as an excuse? I knew she was out of her mind but this is just out of hand.

The scariest part is that she believes what comes out of her mouth.

She wants to see Obama declare the debt ceiling unconstitutional and probably before November so they can run up the credit before they get thrown the hell out. Problem being it isn't just the dingbats on that side of aisle that want to run up the bills while they can - Republicans are just as guilty, even if they don't generally have lunatics like Pelosi running around saying as much. Hypocrites and liars, the whole bunch.

Listen, we all know the debt ceiling is a joke. Mathematically, we have to keep increasing it just to pay interest on the money we've already borrowed (I'm staring directly at you, Ben Bernanke). But does that mean letting these idiots run wild with the full faith and credit of the United States is a good idea? You see what letting them do that with a debt ceiling has done.

The funny part is Tim Geithner already tried to pull this crap a year ago, pulling out a pre-marked mini Constitution to tell Politico's Mike Allen that really, no one can threaten a default because we're Constitutionally required to pay our bills. That's great and all but eventually, the money runs out. Then what? Maybe we can auction off a few national landmarks on eBay for spare cash? Ironic how these guys only care about the Constitution when it serves their own diabolical purposes.

Buckle in, folks, it's about to get real ugly. The Mayans may have been right after all.


TLP: Seriously, FCC, WTF?

eff the FCC

Busting out the swears on teevee is still not allowed under FCC rules, but it turns out that a warning is in order before naughty words can lead to fines.

The NYT reports on SCOTUS action:
The Supreme Court on Thursday declined to address whether the government still had the authority to regulate indecency on broadcast television, but excused two broadcasters from potential fines for several past violations of rules against cursing and nudity.

The court did not decide the constitutionality of the regulations, which have been challenged in light of changes in the media landscape that broadcasters say have undermined the rationales for limiting their free speech rights.

The case, Federal Communications Commission v. Fox Television Stations, No. 10-1293, arose from the broadcast of fleeting expletives by celebrities on awards shows on Fox and partial nudity on the police drama “NYPD Blue” on ABC. Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, writing for seven justices, said the commission had changed the rules in the middle of the game.

“The commission failed to give Fox or ABC fair notice prior to the broadcasts in question that fleeting expletives and momentary nudity could be found actionably indecent,” Justice Kennedy wrote. 
Kennedy went on to say that the FCC is free to modify its policy (hint, hint) and that (ahem) courts are free to review the current or any modified policy. Of course, as long as the FCC keeps pushing this case, the supposed indecent language just keeps getting repeated. In court, in the news, right fucking here.

Which is hardly fleeting.


BREAKING: No One Gives a Rat's Ass About the FOMC Statement

*yawn* The FOMC statement came out this afternoon and guess what? Sit down, folks, this might be too much to handle.
To support a stronger economic recovery and to help ensure that inflation, over time, is at the rate most consistent with its dual mandate, the Committee expects to maintain a highly accommodative stance for monetary policy. In particular, the Committee decided today to keep the target range for the federal funds rate at 0 to 1/4 percent and currently anticipates that economic conditions--including low rates of resource utilization and a subdued outlook for inflation over the medium run--are likely to warrant exceptionally low levels for the federal funds rate at least through late 2014.

The Committee also decided to continue through the end of the year its program to extend the average maturity of its holdings of securities. Specifically, the Committee intends to purchase Treasury securities with remaining maturities of 6 years to 30 years at the current pace and to sell or redeem an equal amount of Treasury securities with remaining maturities of approximately 3 years or less. This continuation of the maturity extension program should put downward pressure on longer-term interest rates and help to make broader financial conditions more accommodative. The Committee is maintaining its existing policy of reinvesting principal payments from its holdings of agency debt and agency mortgage-backed securities in agency mortgage-backed securities. The Committee is prepared to take further action as appropriate to promote a stronger economic recovery and sustained improvement in labor market conditions in a context of price stability.
Well paint me shocked, you mean they're going to keep the free money fountain flowing indefinitely?! I NEVER SAW THAT COMING OMG!

It's pretty clear at this point - if it wasn't before - that there is no way out and even the Fed knows it. Eventually, they're going to have no choice but to admit it beyond the masked implications hinted to in FOMC statements. No hiding this one, folks, it's obvious to everyone.

The sad part is that they still have some wiggle room until inflation catches up with them - how it hasn't already is beyond me - so will continue to push this idea that even MORE cheap money will solve the "problem" despite cheap money BEING the problem.

When does it end? Your guess is as good as mine. A senator told me last month that we have until maybe September at this rate, and that's not even taking the Fed's nonsense into account. If you've been considering a new car or a new house, now might be the time, might as well get a piece while there are pieces still to be had.


Is The Federal Reserve Board Dissing Regional Banks on Twitter?

Pedro da Costa asks:

For a central bank that prides itself on transparency, the Federal Reserve remains cautious about adopting new ways of communicating its message. The Fed’s Washington-based board was a latecomer to Twitter. Its first tweet was dated March 14, well after its regional Fed counterparts.

Perhaps more tellingly, the @FederalReserve account follows most – but not all – regional Fed accounts. Of the 12 district banks, only the two most hawkish (and therefore likely to oppose the Fed’s unconventional monetary policy) are missing: Richmond and Kansas City. In fairness, the board does follow the Dallas and Philadelphia Feds. Its presidents, Richard Fisher and Charles Plosser, have also criticized Fed purchases of government and mortgage bonds, known as quantitative easing or QE.

Are we reading too much into this? Probably. It is just a little bit curious? We think so.
Interesting. I could see why the Board might diss Richmond but Kansas City? I don't get it.

More obvious, the Fed Board Twitter account continues to diss yours truly, but with tweets like this, I can see why they're ignoring me:

Oh well, their loss.


Now's Your Chance To Own a Piece of Jr Deputy Accountant!

OK, I should qualify that headline... I'm not selling my plasma or anything, nor am I selling myself into indentured servitude now that I've once again walked away from my day job (congratulate me!). BUT I do need to scrape together some beer money and have tons of time on my hands to do all the stuff I've always wanted to but was too busy slaving away for The Man to accomplish. Therefore, I am selling my original artwork on Etsy!

Some of you may know this already but before I was a boil on Ben Bernanke's ass, I was an artist. Well, kind of. I've always loved to draw and even once had a desire to be a tattoo artist but I ended up on the fringes of accounting and started writing for a living instead. But in 2008, I had my first gallery show in San Francisco and have been painting on and off since.

I'm no Dali but my strange paintings are hanging in living rooms across the country (including my own) and now you can have one too!

Here's what I've got up at the moment. I've got a ton more in storage I'll unload once I get back to SF to clean it out and am always making more crazy creations when the mood strikes.

Golden Deer

Lucky Cat

The Hidden Hand


Lucky Duck Hunt 

As a firm believer in the power of free markets, if you're interested in any of these but think I haven't priced them fairly, get in touch and we'll work something out.


TLP: Now If You Call Them Massholes, It Could Cost You

small towns

Congratulations are in order to Middleborough, Massachusetts, for becoming the official town of Jr Deputy Accountant. Fuck yeah.

AP via HuffPost:
At a town meeting, residents voted 183-50 to approve a proposal from the police chief to impose a $20 fine on public profanity.

Officials insist the proposal was not intended to censor casual or private conversations, but instead to crack down on loud, profanity-laden language used by teens and other young people in the downtown area and public parks.

I'm really happy about it," Mimi Duphily, a store owner and former town selectwoman, said after the vote. "I'm sure there's going to be some fallout, but I think what we did was necessary."
Good bet a judge will call bullshit on the first citation.


TLP: Off To Jail, And She Never Even Got To Be On 'Mob Wives'

Wednesday, June 13, 2012 , , , 1 Comments


If you want to be a successful mobster, a colorful nickname is a must. Joe Bananas, Vinny the Chin, Matty the Horse, Tony Ducks ... the list goes on. Even Big Ange, who's lucky he died before his name lost all its, uh, class.

But reputed Boston crime boss Whitey Bulger (who somehow ended up with something like a porn star name) might as well consider himself Marion Barry. The bitch who set him up, even if it was by mistake, is going to prison.

Catherine E. Greig, the longtime girlfriend of the crime boss James (Whitey) Bulger, was sentenced on Tuesday to eight years in prison for her role in helping him elude the authorities during the 16 years the two spent in hiding.

“It’s not merely harboring,” Judge Douglas P. Woodlock said of Ms. Greig’s crimes before handing down the sentence, which also included a $150,000 fine. “It was for a long duration. It involved harboring someone accused of the most serious crimes imaginable.”

Ms. Greig, 61, sat mostly expressionless through the day’s proceedings in Federal District Court.

As part of a plea agreement in March, Ms. Greig admitted that she left Boston in 1995 to join Mr. Bulger, who had gone into hiding in December 1994. Mr. Bulger, once believed to be the king of Boston’s underground crime world, also acted as an F.B.I. informant and had been tipped off by an agent about a looming indictment. Ms. Greig said in her statement of guilt that she had used false identities to help Mr. Bulger remain in hiding.
Bulger's trial is scheduled to start in November. Plenty of time for him to come up with a new nickname.


The Media Must Be High on Bath Salts

Most normal people hadn't heard of bath salts up until a few weeks ago when reckless media began claiming Florida face-eater Rudy Eugene was high on the stuff when he ate the face off Ronald Poppo in Miami.

The problem with that explanation is that toxicology results wouldn't be available for weeks and despite having no evidence that the Miami zombie took bath salts, the meme grew.

I blame Armando Aguilar:
Armando Aguilar, president of the Miami Fraternal Order of Police, told ABC News that Eugene's behavior was consistent with other incidents involving bath salts in Miami. "People taking off their clothes. People suddenly have super-human strength," said Aguilar. "They become violent and they are burning up on the inside." Aguilar referred to an earlier incident involving bath salts in which a suspect who had torn off his clothes was hit by a taxi and then beat the occupants of the vehicle. "It took 15 officers to stop him, and as he was being tasered, he was begging them to shoot and kill him."
Legislators have wasted no time cracking down on the allegedly zombie-making drug. I don't do bath salts and never have so I can't say if the fear is warranted but I can say I'm just a little more than disturbed by lawmakers' response to incidents that could or could not be related to ingesting this drug. Won't it be funny if the toxicology results come back and show Rudy Eugene was just a pot-smoking, Bible-reading guy who completely flipped out for no apparent reason?

I mean look at these lazy ass headlines.

‘Bath salts’ drug behind Miami face-eating attack could be banned in Canada Boo, what bullshit. I usually like the National Post but come on, just because one guy said it looked like bath salts does not mean bath salts were involved. Calling the guy a zombie is more realistic at this point than definitively saying he was on bath salts.

Bath salts likely culprit in Louisiana face eating attack From the article: "Police say Jacquneaux could have been high on bath salts, but they won't know for sure because no one gave him a blood test before he was taken to jail." WHAT THE FUCK. The guy could have been drunk or just pissed off. "Could have been" is not the same as "likely" and at this point, we might never know what prompted the attack.

Or how about the completely ignorant exchange between CBS Miami news anchor Cynthia Demos and reporter Tiffani Helberg:

Cynthia Demos: "The officer believes the man clearly, clearly was on some very, very powerful drugs."

Tiffani Helberg: "That’s right, Cynthia. The Fraternal Order of Police president [Armando Aguilar] tells me this crop of LSD [bath salts] is a major threat to police officers as well as the rest of us. He says it turns normal people into monsters that possess this superhuman strength and no ability to feel pain. He believes that’s what was behind the incident that unfolded here …"

LSD! Oh the ignorance.

I have my theories. Since theories are not fact (take note, media whores pushing this bath salt agenda like loyal little soldiers for the mythical War on Drugs), I won't present this as truth, just something worth noting.

After the 2010 Deepwater Horizon incident, BP dumped more than two million gallons of toxic Corexit into the Gulf of Mexico:

But what most people don't know is that the active ingredient of the toxic chemical dispersant, which is up to 60% by volume, being sprayed by BP to fight the Gulf oil spill is a neurotoxin pesticide that is acutely toxic to both human and aquatic life, causes cancer, causes damage to internal organs such as the liver and kidneys simply by absorbing it through the skin and may cause reproductive side effects.

Acutely toxic to both human and aquatic life? Man, that sounds way more threatening than bath salts to me.

Just a few of the documented effects of Corexit ingestion in humans are changes in behavior (analgesia) and effects on behavior/central nervous system (headache, drowsiness, dizzness, stuttering, coma, weakness, ataxia, slurred speech, loss of coordination and judgement, personality changes, analgesia, blurred vision, tremor, excitement, somnolence).

Democracy Now published an interview with the EPA's Hugh Kaufman that pretty much sums it up:

Well, Corexit is one of a number of dispersants, that are toxic, that are used to atomize the oil and force it down the water column so that it’s invisible to the eye. In this case, these dispersants were used in massive quantities, almost two million gallons so far, to hide the magnitude of the spill and save BP money. And the government—both EPA, NOAA, etc.—have been sock puppets for BP in this cover-up. Now, by hiding the amount of spill, BP is saving hundreds of millions, if not billions, of dollars in fines, and so, from day one, there was tremendous economic incentive to use these dispersants to hide the magnitude of the gusher that’s been going on for almost three months.
If you look at the "Zombie Apocalypse" incident map, many of these incidents are centered around the Gulf and I-95 corridor. Not saying it's a thing, just saying it could be a thing and is worth considering.

Now, Corexit is a KNOWN neurotoxin. Bath salts, on the other hand, are a convenient ruse for a larger problem. But it's much easier to blame drugs than chemicals the EPA stood by and allowed BP to pump into the Gulf, isn't it? There are documented cases of bath salts causing erratic, violent behavior but to say every face-eating cannibal in the country is on them without seeing actual blood tests is reckless on the part of the media.

One of the best pieces I've read thus far that calls out the media for this shady, lazy and really ignorant tactic of blindly blaming bath salts because some cop said so comes via Peter McKnight in the Vancouver Sun. I will not quote it here, you need to read the entire thing.

Some drugs are bad and I think we can all agree on that point. But it's also worth noting that The Powers That Be know the War on Drugs is an abject failure that has cost far more lives than have been taken by crazed bath salt users. There are mild-mannered pot dealers doing LIFE in prison in California for selling a plant that grows naturally out of the ground. Think about that for just a moment.

Turn off the TV and turn on your brain, people, you're going need it to survive the REAL "Zombie Apocalypse" that has nothing to do with face-eating, arm-biting crazies.


Fortune 500 Names Fannie Mae Top 8 Company in America

Anyone else see an issue with a company that has been sucking on the government teat making the Fortune 500 list? OK, so any of those people also see an issue with said company making the top 10? Try #8 on the list:
Last year, Fannie Mae catapulted from No. 81 on the Fortune 500 to No. 5, thanks to new accounting rules. On this year's list, the government-controlled mortgage giant slipped to No. 8 after revenues fell by more than 10% to $137.5 billion. Losses for the year grew to $16.9 billion from $14 billion in 2010.

Fannie Mae continues to be dragged down by its portfolio of loans dating back to the pre-housing crash heyday. The lender has borrowed $116 billion from the government so far, and at the end of last year it sought an additional $4.6 billion to help cover its operating losses. It's difficult to see a turnaround on the horizon.
I'm no accountant but I know enough about the scam to say that "thanks to accounting rules" usually means "we made some shit up to make the numbers add up better" - or something along those lines. Again, I'm not an actual accountant so, you know, the translation could be a bit off.

Here's how great Fannie Mae is doing these days:
Mortgage backer Fannie Mae reported the best quarterly results since before the housing meltdown, saying it did not need additional billions in tax funds for the quarter and that it believes losses on past mortgages peaked at the end of last year.

The company also reported just enough profit in the three months ended March 31 to cover its latest payment to the Treasury Department, and predicted better profits ahead.
WOW, that's GREAT news... or something.

Since [2008], Fannie has received $116.1 billion in bailout funds. It has made $22.6 billion in dividend payments back to Treasury, including $2.8 billion in the most recent quarter. The result was a net cost to taxpayers of $93.5 billion. [my emphasis]

Freddie Mac has received $72.3 billion from the Treasury, and paid back dividends of $18.3 billion. It needed $19 million from Treasury at the end of the first quarter, after making a $1.8 billion dividend payment.

There have been quarters in this period when Fannie would have been profitable if not for the large dividend payments and the payment from Treasury was simply being used to make the dividend payment back to the government. That was the case for Freddie in the first quarter.

Before the dividend payment, Fannie reported net income in the quarter of $2.7 billion, compared to a net loss of $6.5 billion a year earlier.
First of all, am I the only one who thinks CNN must be shilling for the Treasury writing glowing crap like that on behalf of Fannie? Words like "would have been profitable" are nonsense since THEY AREN'T. Let's do the math quick... $116.1 billion... dividend payments of $22.6 billion... yeah, I'm no mathlete that's still a loss for taxpayers.

Just goes to show, folks, if you work hard, fuck people and get the Treasury to hook you up, you too can end up on the top 10 of the Fortune 500 list.


Maryland Brain-Eater's Parents Begged For Legal Fund Donations on the Day Roommate Disappeared

As the details come together in the Maryland brain-eater case, we now discover that the eater's parents had set up a legal fund to cover the costs stemming from his first run-in with the cops on May 19 when he was arrested for beating a fellow Morgan State student with a baseball bat, leaving the victim blind in one eye.

The May 25 post has now been deleted from - a "leading source of Kenyan Diaspora News and Entertainment" registered in the state of Maryland - but thanks to the magic of the Internet, we have a cached copy:

Our son, Alexander Kimanthi Kinyua, was arrested on Saturday, May 19th, for being involved in a fight in his dormitory room at Morgan State University. The charge against him is “1st Degree Assault and Excessive Endangerment of Life”. His bail has been set for US $220,000.00. In order to get him the best defense possible, we need to secure an attorney who will take his case and leave no stone unturned. We are calling on family and friends to support us. We have opened an account for his legal defense fund. The details are as follows:

Suntrust Bank
Beatrice L. Kinyua
Legal Fund for Alexander Kinyua
Acct # 1000149119025

If you can give a donation, you can deposit them directly into the account, mail them to our home address listed below, and/or call us to collect them. We are also organizing fundraising events, the first one to be held on:

Sunday, May 27th, 2012 at 3:00pm
International Christian Community Church
3406 Belair Road
Baltimore, MD 21213
Pastor – Rev. Canon Dr. John Karanja

We want to say thank you in advance for your support and please keep our family in your prayers.

Yours sincerely,

Antony and Beatrice Kinyua
535 Terrapin Terrace, Joppa, MD 21085-5412
Home Phone # 443-402-1335
How funny, in hindsight, that this plea was posted on the very day Alexander Kinyua's roommate Kujoe Agyei-Kodie went for a jog and was never seen again until Kinyua's brother found his head and hands in a metal bucket in the family's home the following Tuesday.

Kinyua's defense attorney Lynne McChrystal (a public defender - your tax dollars hard at work, folks) requested reasonable bail in the brain-eating case on Thursday, telling the judge that Kinyua has been in Harford County for six years and in Maryland for nine years. He is self-employed and performs consulting work, she added.

This despite the fact that Kinyua was just arrested for "randomly" attacking a fellow Morgan State student with a baseball bat. Oh sorry, "was involved in a fight."

I feel for this guy's parents, really. By all accounts, they were sweet people. But, uh, yeah, don't see any fundraisers happening any time soon.


UPDATED: So If It Isn't the Zombie Apocalypse, What Exactly Is Going On?

Ed. note: Instead of rehashing this post over and over, I'll be adding new incidents I find as they come in. Enjoy!

Admittedly, I'm taking this zombie apocalypse thing as far as it will go (I even made it the focus of my Going Concern column this morning). After all, I hate movies but have still watched Dawn of the Dead (original and remake) a good 20 times and have pretty much been holding out hope for a true outbreak my entire life. I've always known humanity is doomed but the events of the last month or so have convinced me that something is not right.

I realize it is not the zombie apocalypse and that is impossible (I am somewhat logical, believe it or not) so what is it? Solar flares? Bath salts? Collective hysteria? Has the Internet only exacerbated the problem by making this information always accessible? Perhaps people were eating each other when I was a kid (hey, Jeffrey Dahmer did it practically in my backyard) but we just didn't know it because there was no Twitter, no #ZombieApocalypse hashtag, no Facebook to share each gruesome story. It's really hard to say. Whatever it is, something has gone terribly, terribly awry.

I have seen a lot of misinformation floating around out there so in the interest of getting the headlines right, let's look at some cases from around the country, starting with the oldest first. Remember, dates are important. I did my best to nail them down by the day, give or take, but note the events that took place 2008 - 2010 that are mistakenly being trotted out as if they just happened to tie into this zombie hysteria. For the sake of this post, I stuck to American events only. There have also been recent disturbing events in Australia, Sweden and China that I will not include simply because I don't know their cultures enough to know if this kind of shit is cool.

January 5, 2008 Tyler, TX 25-year-old Christopher Lee McCuin claimed God told him to kill, cook and eat his 21-year old girlfriend. Investigators found her body with chunks of flesh cut out, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove, with a plate of human flesh and a fork stuck into it lying on the kitchen table. McCuin was found dead in his jail cell in December of 2008.

July 27, 2009 San Antonio, TX A mother is charged with murdering her 3 1/2 week old son using a knife and two swords to dismember the child. She ate parts of his body, including his brain, tore off his face and chewed off three of his toes before stabbing herself in the torso and slicing her own throat. This story has been popping up all over the place lately but is OLD. The mother, Otty Sanchez, was found not guilty by reason of insanity. It is believed she suffered from an extreme case of postpartum psychosis. Sanchez had a history of paranoid schizophrenia and had discontinued her medication during pregnancy due to potential damage to her fetus. Well, we see how that worked out.

June 1, 2010 Klamath, CA MMA fighter Jarrod Wyatt is charged with murdering his sparring partner, Taylor Powell, after he allegedly removed his friend's heart, tongue and most of his face. According to reports, police claimed the 26-year-old mixed martial arts fighter was under the influence of psychedelic drugs when he allegedly drilled an 18-inch hole into the victim's chest. Wyatt was convinced the world was about to end and that his sparring partner was the Devil. "Satan was in that dude," Wyatt allegedly told Del Norte County Police Sgt. Elwood Lee, who responded to the scene.

July 18, 2011 Los Angeles, CA A homeless woman attempts to snatch a 4-month-old baby boy from his stroller, slams him into a pole and tries to break off his arm. In an interview with detectives, 36-year-old Natasha Hubbard confirmed she tried to break the baby’s arm off in order to eat it.
January 25, 2012 Lynn Haven, FL Tyree Lincoln Smith is arrested for beating a Connecticut man to death and eating his eyeball and part of his brain in a cemetery. Smith apparently confessed his crime to his cousin and claimed the victim's eyeball tasted like oyster and that his brain tasted like - wait for it - lady juice. Yeah, y'all know what I mean by that. I've never had brain so I can't confirm if it does, in fact, taste like lady juice.

February 22, 2012 San Marcos, CA A man in a wheelchair allegedly bit a police officer in a San Marcos supermarket. After someone reported the man was causing a scene, deputies arrived to find the man out of his wheelchair, crawling around on the ground. As the deputies tried to assist him, he bit one of them in the leg, said a San Diego County Sheriff's Department spokesperson.

March 28, 2012 Phoenix, AZ A woman walking in the food aisle of a Phoenix Target is approached by an unknown man who walked up to her, dropped to the floor and started biting her foot.

April 6, 2012 Shrewsbury, MA 79-year-old Jieming Liu is arraigned a day after his wife, Yuee Zhou, 73, was found dead in their home. Investigators said the couple’s son went to visit his parents at their condominium Thursday afternoon and found his mother on a bedroom floor,  soaked in blood.  Her left arm was severed below the elbow. In court, prosecutors said the flesh was missing from her left forearm and her husband had been eating it.

April 17, 2012 West Miami, FL 21-year-old George Saldago died hours after being taken into custody after a 911 caller said Saldago, unclothed and acting wildly, had tried to bite him and rip off his clothes. A lawyer for the family said Saldago had taken LSD and was disconnected from reality when he stripped down and flipped out. Sorry but, uh, LSD doesn't do that to you. Nice try though, bro.

April 20, 2012 Washington, DC A cat adopted from the Washington Humane Society bites the crap out of financial blogger Jr Deputy Accountant's foot for no apparent reason... oh wait. Yeah, that really happened but my cat is an asshole, not a zombie.

Now, let's get to May of this year. This is when the shit gets crazy.

May 5, 2012 Bartlesville, OK 29-year-old Michael Williams Brent ends up in jail for biting and kicking a police officer after after being arrested for possession of drugs and driving under the influence.

May 21, 2012 La Grange, IL 18-year-old Lloyd Cortez was arrested after he allegedly grabbed an 18-year-old woman by the throat, bit her cheek and twisted her right arm while threatening to kill her if she called the police, police said.

May 25, 2012 Annapolis, MD A woman walking alone in Annapolis at 2:30am is approached by a group of unknown women out of nowhere. The women began punching, kicking and biting the woman. Police categorized the attack as "unusual."

May 26, 2012 Miami, FL Crazed face-eater Rudy Eugene goes viral. I don't need to recap this story, everyone should know it.

May 26, 2012 Orlando, FL 41-year-old anesthesiologist Dr. Zachary Bird  is facing felony battery charges after he allegedly banged his head repeatedly against the inside of a patrol car until he bled and and then spat blood into a sergeant's face when he was pulled over on suspicion of drunken driving, according to the Florida Highway Patrol. Bird had $40,000 in his pockets at the time with another $14,000 in his vehicle, a .44-caliber revolver and a .45-caliber semiautomatic, a bottle of pills and a vial of liquid in his BMW. It is still unknown what the liquid was. Bird became clearly upset and repeatedly banged his head against the patrol car Plexiglass, kicking and screaming in the back of the cop car. The video taken inside the car is chilling to say the least.

May 26, 2012 Golden Township, MI 28-year-old Bartolo Larios-Rivera gets into a fight with his roommate, strikes him in the left cheek with a kitchen knife and then bites him in the upper left arm. Oceana Lt. Craig Mast said the bite was a “severe bite.”

May 26, 2012 Deltona, FL 23-year-old Michael Nichols is arrested after chasing his sister with a kitchen knife. "Just wait till I get out and I'll finish the job," Michael Nichols said, according to the report. "I wanted to kill her while biting her." The sister claims he attacked her for no reason, grabbed her by the throat and tried to choke her. When she tried to defend herself, Michael Nichols bit her in the forearm, where deputies said they saw the bite mark.

May 27, 2012 Hackensack, NJ 43-year-old Wayne Carter barricaded himself in his Hackensack, New Jersey room on Sunday, May 27 when witnesses called police to report he had a knife and was threatening to harm himself. Harm himself he did. When officers showed up at his home, Carter ignored their requests to put down the knife and started stabbing himself. Pepper spraying him had no effect and the man proceeded to disembowel himself before police, flinging intestines and bits of skin at them. Officers were presumably so bugged out that they called the SWAT team in and Carter is still in critical condition but alive.

May 27, 2012 Columbus, GA A 34-year-old self-employed contractor Christopher Newman gets into a fight with two Lowe's employees, threatening to cut them with a knife and biting them both so hard on the arm as to draw blood.

May 28, 2012 Madison, WI 29-year-old Delarence Moore was charged with two counts of battery to a police officer, two counts of resisting, attempted battery to a police officer and disorderly conduct after biting two police officers attempting to get him under control. "Officers attempted to calm down and get Moore under control but he refused to listen," said Lt. Sherrie Strand in the release. "Two officers were bit by Mr Moore before he was taken into custody."

May 29, 2012 San Diego, CA Two drunken cousins get into an argument, one bites the other's nose off.

May 29, 2012 Palm Coast, FL 28-year-old Angel Vega Roman is arrested for cruelty to animals after he allegedly choked a kitten a bit the lips off another kitten, burning its ear and whiskers with a lighter. As a crazy cat lady, I want to beat the shit out of this guy personally, zombie or not. This guy is probably just a random psycho but I'm including him because he's a dick and if you ever see him on the street, you need to kick him in the balls for me.

May 30, 2012 Staten Island, NY 52-year-old Thomas Tomasello pulled a Mike Tyson and took a bite out of a fellow pizza shop patron's ear over a stupid argument that involved a chick and a teevee inside a pizza parlor.

May 31, 2012 Joppa, MD 21-year-old Maryland brain-eater Alexander Kinyua reveals he chopped up his roommate and ate part of his brain and heart. Kinyua's Facebook page reveals he was attempting to reach a higher spiritual plane. Maybe he got there and we're the crazies.

June 2, 2012 Carencro, LA 43-year-old Carl Jacquneaux begins his day of madness by shoving his elderly aunt who called police. 6 hours later, the man attacks his ex-wife's current husband and bites off a piece of the man's cheek. The victim used wasp spray to defend himself.

June 2, 2012 North Miami Beach, FL 21-year-old Brandon De Leon - under the influence of Four Loko, weed, Xanax and "Cloud 9" - is arrested after getting into an altercation with another man. Police said De Leon slammed his head repeatedly against the plexiglass of a police car and told the officer “I’m going to eat you.” “Brandon growled and opened and closed his jaw, slamming his teeth like an animal would,” the incident report said. He also barked and growled inside of a cell. At bond court, the suspect told the judge he did not recall the incident. "If I can say something your honor, I have no recollection of anything that happened that night," he said.

June 5, 2012 New Haven, CT 38-year-old Lowpel Davis is caught stealing a $15 clearance wig from a beauty shop. According to police, Davis punched the store owner and his 70-year-old father in the face and bit the owner's bicep, taking a chunk of flesh from his arm and spitting it in his face. Police who responded to the scene said Davis was "crazed."

September 13, 2012 Hawley, PA 20-year-old Richard Ciminio Jr. parked his car, stripped down to his draws, tried to break into a house and then broke into a different, unoccupied house. Once there, he jumped out of the second floor window of the home, causing severe injuries to his legs and arms. But that's not crazy enough, a blood-soaked Ciminio then attacked two women who walked by and "began to gnaw” at one woman's head while “screaming like an animal," according to cops.

Did I get them all? Christ I hope so.

Now... since we know zombies don't exist, what in the name of sweet baby Jesus is happening here? I am a firm believer in the idea that humanity is rocketing toward a new level of consciousness (as opposed to the "world ending" scenario some misinformed 2012 theorists cling to) but I certainly did not see this as the inevitable result of such a jolt to human consciousness.

Have we lost our minds? Is there something greater at work here we're missing? Is it just one big weird coincidence? Whatever it is, it's creepy. Not creepy enough to warrant getting freaked out over things that happened 3 years ago but still, creepy.


Chilling Words From the Maryland Brain-Eater's Facebook Page

So, have we officially fucking lost our minds or what?

Surely you all have heard about Maryland brain-eater Alexander Kinyua? Now it's getting too close for comfort and I'm a tad bugged out. It's cool, I'm in a bad neighborhood, no zombies or crazed death cult freaks are going to come down here.

I decided to stalk the Maryland brain-eater and found a bunch of bizarre stuff on his Facebook page.

First off, his cover photo. CREEPY RIGHT.

The most disturbing part is that the Maryland brain-eater posed this question on his page May 17 (note the man whose brain dude ate didn't disappear until Friday, May 25):

He also asked on Valentine's Day:

Then he posts a a ton of images in a photo album about this book he's into. 

Here are a few samples:

You can buy the book dude was obsessed over on Facebook here. Here's the chilling description:
The God Worlds Module provides a detailed description of our cosmic geography. We live in a world that in turn lives within a magnificent multi-dimensional structure that connects us all the way back to Source. We came into embodiment within this cosmic structure and our pathway home takes us on a journey through the many levels of the God Worlds. Familiarizing ourselves with the structure is a part of finding our way home.

This module explores the multi-dimensional structure of creation and how this manifests ever finer levels of detail, spanning local Veca universes and parallel universes, inner Ecka core worlds within larger Eckasha universes. You will learn about the Lower, Middle and Higher God Worlds. These emerge in turn through the Cosmic God Seed and the Primal Life Current fields of Source. You will also learn about the ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and how this forms a personal pathway back to our home in Source. The God World maps provide a depth of information and integrity of structure that is totally unparalleled. The information in this module provides a foundation for understanding the cosmic drama unfolding around us. It is essential to understanding the grid connections, energy flows and the personal and planetary activations arising at this time.

This information is a very precious gift to our personal growth and to our race and planet in these important times. It informs and honors our connection to Source.

The group that sells the above book also sells advanced DVDs on such exciting topics as One World Order Rising, which covers the WTC/ Pentagon Disaster and "De-railing the Illuminati Agenda," for starters.

Is there some kind of crazy intergalactic meltdown going on right now that I did not get my invite to? Did the Maryland brain-eater hold the key to some cosmic event most of us are completely unaware of at the moment?

Wonder how close the Maryland brain-eater is to the source NOW?!

I would still love to know exactly what the fuck is going on.

Update: I get now that random people are adding "STOP EATING PEOPLE BRO" to dude's page. Didn't realize strangers could do that if they aren't friends with someone. Guess that answers how Project Crack the Code ended.