Fat Ass Americans Get Encouragement From Kraft's New "Anything" Dressing Campaign

Paint me disgusted (and I've been known to dip pizza in ranch dressing), Kraft has gone off the reservation by rebranding its salad dressing as "Anything dressing," presumably because Americans aren't all that into salad to begin with.

Showing the versatility of ranch dressing is nothing new - Hidden Valley did it to prove to parents of bratty kids that if you offer up ranch with vegetables, the children will come - but what makes this campaign so disgusting is that most people already know dressing can be used for a lot more than salads and vegetables. Do we really have to be so... whorish about it? Anything, Kraft?! Have some shame!

Just to prove how Kraft dressing is up for anything, the new commercials feature a bottle of dressing whoring it up with chicken and hot dogs. THINK ABOUT THE SALAD, PEOPLE!

Two tablespoons of classic ranch dressing contains 120 calories, all of which are from fat. That's 12g of fat, or 18% of the recommended daily value. But hey, we're talking about making food tasty here, who cares about stuff like fat and sodium?

In theory, Kraft is obviously just trying to sell more dressing (like America needs it) but the reality is that it's disgusting to think about dressing tramping around with everything from burgers to asparagus. Have some dignity, dressing, yeesh.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Wcv said...

I like Unemployment JDA

It's good to be back, my friend. My fucking job was stealing my soul.

That said, Mama's got car payments to make, need to figure something out and fast.

Anonymous said...

"going off the reservation", "jew" as an action verb, "gone native" ... they all belong in the dustbin.