A gay couple in Virginia is suing United-Continental airlines after the two men found a large dildo had been removed from their checked checked luggage and taped to the top of their suitcase - and then sent down to the baggage pickup carousel.
Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger say baggage handlers at Houston's George Bush Intercontinental Airport invaded their privacy and targeted them for humiliation because of their sexuality.
They are seeking punitive damages to hold the airline accountable, they say, after officials refused to respond to their complaints.
Alright... so let's just be real about it. I've flown with questionable vibrating devices myself (one TSO in Chicago was a little more fascinated with the vibrating duck in my carry on than he should have been) and not once were my devices trotted out in front of my fellow passengers. Had they been, I would have dealt with the situation accordingly - I mean, it's a freaking vibrator, not a bomb amiright?! There's nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, the thing said "travel size," what was I supposed to do? If anything, one should boast for being smart enough to know how to get off.
The more likely scenario for these two fun-loving kids is that the bag zipper broke, the dildo plopped out and United-Continental (or TSA or whomever) did their best to make sure the dildo stayed with its rightful owner. How the hell would they know the guys were gay? Straight people need dildos too, duh!
So here's your helpful suggestion of the day: SECURE YOUR DILDOS if you're going to check them in luggage. Or better, put them in your carry on. Nothing makes TSA want to grope you less than seeing a vibrator in the X-ray. Trust me on that (I had no dildos in my luggage when TSA groped me in Oakland. Damnit!)
If these guys were so mortified by the situation - as they claimed - why make a stink about it? Your dildo fell out, big deal. Own it, girl!
The plaintiffs claim the bag was secured and the dildo was taped outside of it but if you look at the picture, it's clear the zipper was bursting and the tape was presumably put there to keep everything in, not just the big purple dildo.
The plaintiffs also claim the bag was taped with Continental-branded tape but that tape looks awfully clear to me. Anyone else?
Here's the whole problem, you packed the damn dildo and then get horrified when you see it? Come on, it's a freaking dildo. You packed it! You bought it from some gross, dusty adult bookstore in Virginia! Just own up to it and everyone can move on, it's nothing to get horrified about:
"I was shocked, humiliated, embarrassed, horrified and confused because I didn't know what to do," Borger told the Daily News, describing how he felt when he first saw the bag.But yeah, believe what you need to if it makes you feel better.
If you're shocked, humiliated, embarrassed, horrified and confused when your dildo pops out of your checked luggage, you obviously haven't mastered this whole flying thing.