Small-Minded Americans Everywhere Outraged Over Fast Food, Forget Fast Food Is All Garbage Anyway

In case you've been in a cave, let me catch you up. Today is apparently Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, the one day when gay-hating conservatives everywhere line up to eat questionably authentic chicken in solidarity of Chick-fil-A's corporate position on "the biblical definition of the family unit." That's all well and good and though I love me some gays, I fully support their right to do so but really, let's not lose sight of the bigger picture here.

First, corporations aren't people. That was Chick-fil-A's first major error. Its president (and that's president, not CEO as many lazy media outlets are reporting, its CEO is S. Truett Cathy) Dan Cathy should have stuck to expressing his own personal views, not those of the corporation. After all, the corporation is required by law to hire gays, but what gay person do you know would A) work at a fast food restaurant and B) work at a place that doesn't support their right to be miserably married up to the love of their life like us straight folk? The corporation cannot HAVE a position, it's a corporation! It doesn't have feelings or views or opinions, it exists to make money. But hey, guess that's the world we live in today.

Second, if Chick-fil-A is so serious about "the biblical definition of the family unit," does that mean they hate single mothers? Divorced dads? Mormons? Do they hate me too because 1 Corinthians bashes chicks with short hair and Leviticus forbids tattoos? We could do this all day. Perhaps Chick-fil-A needs a real come to Jesus themselves to remind themselves that Jesus Christ taught love and acceptance, not judgment, but hey, that's an argument for another day.

Now, let's get to today. Apparently one Wendy's franchise owner took it upon himself to stand in solidarity with his gay-marriage-hating brethren at Chick-fil-A and put up signs declaring "we stand with Chick-fil-A" just to make sure everyone knows it. I mean really, since when is it a smart idea to say you're all for the competition? Whatever, this is a heated debate and people are losing it obviously.

So some said the franchise owner had the right to free speech. As an American, sure, but as a franchise owner he does not. Can he put "Fuck black people" on his company sign? NO, he has an agreement with the company as a franchise owner and is likely held to a minimum standard of decency that supercedes his rights as an American. Stop missing the point, people. Can he wear a "fuck black people" t-shirt out and about in the world? Sure, and I dare him to do it in my neighborhood and see how far "free speech" gets him. Just because you can say whatever you want doesn't mean you should. It's not some huge injustice, folks, come on.

Wendy's corporate got the guy to take the signs down but couldn't get the intern who runs their Twitter account to keep from opening his or her big mouth to imply that Wendy's, big sports that they are, serves anyone regardless of race, color, creed or sexual orientation. That would be really admirable except Chick-fil-A does the same, it's just that they don't want the gays they serve to get married. Derp.

The offending tweet has since been deleted (though you'll still catch a stream of apologies coming out of the account if you check it out now) but thankfully the Internet is quick and managed to snag this screenshot:

Durrrrrr. Sometimes, it's best to keep your trap shut. Take that as a free piece of advice, Wendy's, no charge this time.

Anyhoo, so a new uproar ensued, mostly among the #tcot crowd on Twitter, who immediately took the opportunity to slam Wendy's for a) saying dumb things and b) implying that Chick-fil-A ever discriminated against any paying customer. As far as we can tell, that's never happened. If this is a First Amendment issue (it isn't), we're again forgetting that CORPORATIONS ARE NOT PEOPLE and therefore are not afforded any rights. Regardless, Wendy's should have known better but we're still missing the point.

The point - finally - is that we're getting all worked into a lather over industrialized food that is toxic to our bodies. Who cares if the makers of pink slime hate gays/blacks/kids/monkeys? They're producing pink slime! THAT, my friends, is what matters, not photo ops of Rick Santorum stuffing his face with Chick-fil-A (although if one exists, please point me to it, I need a laugh after all this hostile back and forth today).

Chick-fil-A hates gays, that much we know. Personally, I have never had the "pleasure" of eating their slop, nor do I plan to any time soon because I don't like the taste of recycled grease and don't really like to give my money to bigots if I don't have to. But this has gone way too far. When the dumb intern at Wendy's starts getting attacked, we've really lost it. What next, you guys are going to start staging a McDonald's sit-in, launching chicken nuggets at riot cops as they drag you away kicking and screaming? Get real, people!

So, here's where we're at:

1) Fast food sucks. It's bad for you. Just don't eat there.
2) Corporations are not people. Dan Cathy or any other American can say whatever they want but the CORPORATION does not have a "right" to free speech as it is not an American. Got it? Moving on...
3) People need to settle the fuck down. About everything. I am not joking, this is seriously getting out of hand. Everyone just shut the fuck up for a minute and relax. Take up yoga.
4) Obviously we as a nation are not prepared to have an adult conversation about equality. Give me a call when y'all are ready, I'll be here.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Anonymous said...


Tim Anderson said...
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Dave said...

I'll be sure to wear my "Fuck Black People" T-shirt tomorrow while I'm sitting in my neighborhood Chick-fil-A making out with some random dude for the GLAAD Kiss-in. If you're going to offend someone, you might as well offend everyone.

Anonymous said...

How can you say Chick-fil-A hates gays after you just got done arguing that a corporation cannot have feelings? And please, I would love to see the quote where Dan Cathy actually says he hates gays. Seems to me he just said he's in support of marriage between a male and a female, nothing about hating anyone. Ignorant article.

Anonymous @ 8:29 - did you even click the "Chick-fil-A hates gays" link? They lobby against gay rights. A corporation has ONE way to express its "opinion" and that is with money (since "WHITES ONLY" signs became illegal a long time ago). It's not just our friend Dan defending the antiquated institution of straight marriage, it's the money they throw behind known gay-hating groups. But you're right, if they *really* hated gays, they'd support gay folks' right to be as miserable as us straight folk. Like it or not, the "Biblical family unit" is a) a farce and b) not something we as a country should use as a baseline for our laws. In the true Biblical family unit, guys married their cousins and had babies with their slaves, should we go back to that while we're at it?

JDA, I respectfully think you have missed the point here. Regardless of the CEO stating the comments as a human or as a corporation, the City of Chicago is stating that a fast food store doesn't have the right to place a store in the same spot other fast food places are allowed to place a store. This is about free speech and but it is also about the power of the government and acting illegally. You cannot zone for fast food and decide not to let one fast food entity in because you don't like what the human or corporation said. That breaks property rights law and establishes a precedent that the nanny state will determine who is allowed and who isn't allowed in an area.

If the CEO of the firm thinks something or the firm supports a cause but doesn't do anything other than donating to the cause, are you stating it's the government's job to hurt them economically and make the choice for the people not to patronize their store?

Are statements and thoughts what our legal system should be focusing on instead of actions? Did the CEO of Chick Fil A break the law?


Hey NL! Long time no talk to!

Shit, this issue is SO dramatic that I wasn't even able to get to the Chicago part. I think you know me well enough to know I absolutely don't support that shit either - Chicago is trippin but what else do we expect from our fearless leader's hometown of scumbaggery and corruption?

Even if the corporation does not have a "right" to free speech, no government agency deserves the right to discriminate based on the feelings of the owners of the corporation either. We agree there. It isn't the government's place. Like the corporation, the government does not have any rights, and it certainly cannot say whether or not a law-abiding business (which Chick-fil-A is, despite its owners' feelings on Biblical family units) can open within city limits based on the owners' thoughts or feelings on any issue, be it gays or anything else.

Again, I stick to my original opinion: this is completely out of hand.

You know JDA, I have this long held belief that the ruling class is not divided by parties and they they utilize the concept of 2 parties to pit the masses against each other over relatively insignificant issues so that they don't pay attention to the fact that these rich people are stealing the wealth of generations for their own reward. And while I certainly support gay marriage compared to the crimes of the Fed and the Wall Street banking cabal, this is unimportant. I believe that this is on purpose. This is just a setup of the political machine to distract the sheeple from paying attention to the all crimes our politicians are commiting. They want us to focus on issues that really won't impact the success or failure of the country.

Mayor Rahm is just doing what the ruling class has instructed him to do. Ban Chick Fil A is the next item to distract the masses.

I thought the Colorado shooter was the next item to distract the masses? You see how that little mind control experiment backfired. Most sheep have already forgotten the shooter's name. Too bad, now They'll have to arrange another, bigger "tragedy" to get Americans to give up their guns and ammo.

I don't know about you but I'm really starting to get bored. It's like They're barely even trying these days. Too bad the stupid masses aren't as stupid as they used to be (or are they? This chicken drama really has me wondering).

Anyhoo, I bet the establishment would give up if more of us woke up to the reality you so astutely pointed out above and got over gays/abortion/racism/welfare/taxes just long enough to hold hands and fight against the REAL enemy holding us all down. Then once that's done, we can go back to bickering about two dudes fucking each other in holy matrimony and all the other dumb shit that makes partisan politics such an excellent distraction.

Kenny Bing said...

My theory is that this is all a conspiracy put together by Chick-fil-A competitors to strangle one of their rivals. They would like to see Chick-fil-A shut out of lucrative urban chicken sammich markets across the US of A. Lee’s Famous Recipe Fried Chicken, the Colonel and the mastermind of the group, Popeye’s Famous Fried Chicken are laughing their asses off. Now, I must head down to the local Chick-fil-A and see if I can turn a lesbo straight or arrange a three way by using a boneless breast of chicken seasoned to perfection, hand-breaded, pressure cooked in 100% refined peanut oil and served on a toasted, buttered bun with dill pickle chips (also available on a Golden Wheat bun) as bait.

Strangling a competitor should be no problem, given all the chicken-choking that's gone on over this.

Kenny Bing said...

Suddenly, I'm humming Ted Nugent's Stranglehold.

Kenny Bing said...

Wonder if anyone's ever masturbated with Stranglehold playing on the radio...

Kenny Bing said...

for those not familiar awesome opening riff....

W.C. Varones said...

the CORPORATION does not have a "right" to free speech as it is not an American.

Actually, I think the Supreme Court (and the founders) would disagree with you on that one.

A corporation is a group of people, just like a union or a softball team. People don't lose their free speech rights just because they are in a group.

Does the corporation also have a right to bear arms? I'd pay good money to see it pick up a gun and try. Oh wait, it can't, it doesn't have arms. A series of legal documents can't even speak, how can they have an opinion?

PEOPLE have rights. Groups of people do too. Entities do not. Dan Cathy can say whatever he wants, as can anyone else. But I respectfully disagree with anyone claiming the corporation has a right to speak the mind it does not have.

W.C. Varones said...

Well then it's just semantics, right?

The group of people can say whatever they want. The board of directors can come up with a statement and a press release stating the company's position on any issue they want.

So what's the difference?

Anonymous said...

"Let's face it, we're not changing the world. We're building a product that helps people buy more crap - and watch porn."

Bill Watkins, former CEO, Seagate

It's just a dude who makes delicious chicken sammiches expressing an O-pinion.

JDA I'm confused, which isn't unusual, but I don't get this argument. Can a corporation donate to whatever cause it's board of trustees decides to donate to? Yes or no? I'm part of a corporation that donates to an elementary school, does my corporation have the right to do so? Where are there restrictions to what causes a corporation supports? Could someone claim that the folks I work for are anti-Semitic because the school they are donating to isn't Jewish? Likewise the school isn't Catholic. Seriously, don't come back with that corporations aren't humans, I get that. What I don't understand is where it states a corporation has limitations on what it can and cannot support or donate to.

I don't agree with it but I understand the rational religious people have regarding their opposition to gay marriage. It's their religion. It's not mine but I get it and they are free to fight their fight as long as they don't break the law.