TLP: Isn't This Just Another Way to Say 'None of the Above'?


The methodology might be lacking and they won't be factored into the polls at Real Clear Politics or Five Thirty Eight, but there's something to be said for the straightforward approach taken by the editors of the Round Rock Leader down near Austin, Texas.

Hey, at least this gives supporters of Texas candidates Ron Paul and Rick Perry a way to be counted.


Let's Just Get QE3 Over With Already (Because We Did)

You've read the headlines all week:

Bernanke Has Already Told Us: More Stimulus Is Coming
Wall Street has hopes for QE3 from Fed
Bernanke Should Do the Right Thing and Not Say He’s Sorry

One of my favorites was "Fed Stuck at Zero Into 2015 Seen in Swaps, QE Odds Reach 99%," in which we discover that markets are obviously just begging for the stuff:
A gauge of indicators of market expectations for additional central bank stimulus rose to a record 99 percent in August, according to Citigroup Inc. The measure increased to 82 percent in the months before QE2 in November 2010.
Yeah right OK. Could these guys try any harder to get the message across? Yeesh.

So, wise little hamster that I am, I sold off a few random stocks this week ahead of the Fed statement. The way I see it, if they announce QE3, I may have missed out on a small stampede in equities but I can easily make up for it by putting the proceeds into gold, which will inevitably outperform any bitch ass 40 cent dividends and HFT robot hand jobs I'd get in stocks. If they don't announce QE3, the major indices will tank and go cry in the corner while I run off with my profit and spend it on things I don't need. WIN either way!

Here's the bottom line: the financial media (obviously led by the wizards at the Fed) has been worked up into a lather over QE3 lately, and are almost all speaking as if it's already been announced. OK, people, WE GET IT. The signal is coming through loud and motherfucking clear, you can stop now.

At this point, we all know the Fed has no way out. QE3 is a foregone conclusion. In fact, the Fed has been busy for three full years now cranking up the frigid economy in vain, why should now be any different? It isn't and it can't be. Plus, come on, it's an election year, you gotta keep the cheap money flowing when campaigns are at stake.

Will the Fed announce QE3 today? The real question is, will they come clean about the fact that QE3 has long come and gone? After all, who else is buying Treasurys these days? Hint: it isn't China.

I can only hope this means the official QE3 involves helicopter drops, balloons and free prizes like GM cars and Old Navy chinos. PLEASE?!


How My Cats Reacted to 9/11

Note: only one of my cats is old enough to have experienced 9/11 firsthand. She probably sat with my mom in Minnesota waiting for the all clear that the Mall of America was totally safe to enter again. Anyway, check out how my cats reacted to 9/11 on BuzzFeed. The rest of my cats have barely been around since the real economic crisis, except the NY one.

Among the highlights:

AWWWWW right!

OMG STOP IT! It's so cute I could vomit!

Stop it!

Oh no, not the old cat! Damn her, she was around before the 9/11 nonsense!

My cats know what's up. Do you?


On The 11th Anniversary of 9/11, It's Still All About the Money

On this, the 11th anniversary of 9/11, I'm not going to post a big rambling rant about how I was picking my nose on the can the morning we got the news in California, and I'm not going to tell you how it changed my life forever nor am I going to tell you that we, as Americans, should all hold hands and hug out one of the sickest, most tragic events of our country's short lifetime.

I will, however, bite my tongue and share a few relevant links. Follow the money, my friends, follow the money. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you like (like I give a shit what you call me), but I believe the least we can do for the real live human beings who died not only that day but since as a direct result of that day's events, is ask the important questions until we uncover the truth. The truth has yet to be revealed.

Crushed towers give up cache of gold ingots Um... yeah... so why was wreckage of trucks hauling the gold out found once they got to it? And where is all this "missing" gold?

SEC & EEOC: Attack Delays Investigations The old NY Lawyer article is inaccessible but you can still read it (thank you, Internet!). Remember, in 2001 we weren't all expected to be on the Internet and in the cloud like we are today.

Greenspan’s Post-9/11 View Greenspan: "There is a shock; the shock wears off; there is a period of mild euphoria as the shock wears off; and then there’s a secondary negative effect. With this extraordinary outpouring of activity favorable to the United States position, we may well be looking at part of the euphoria phase."

And of course, a couple from me, your Master of Fucked Up Ceremonies!

The Curious Case of the Fed Analyst Fired After Asking Too Many Questions Just read it. Shut the fuck up, put down what you're doing and go read it if you haven't already.

The Craziest 9/11 Conspiracy Yet: Greenspan Inflated the Post 9/11 Bubble to Help Us "Maybe Greenspan isn't a libertarian but a politician. But maybe he did it to free the dollar. Think about it, it was his final and most diabolical move. Or maybe he just did it as a favor to the Bush administration so we'd soon forget all about 9/11 and head back to the store to console ourselves with things. Surely you remember the "America: Open For Business" signs in store windows. Who said we were closed? We just needed to grieve for a minute and for once, shopping wasn't going to do it."

OK, just one 9/11 memory from me. I remember this song waking me up on my CD player boombox that morning (hey, it was 2001 and I was a 20 year old kid, what do you expect?) and it haunting me all day after I got the news.

Today, everything was fine, fine, fine
Until 'round about quarter to nine,
Suddenly found myself in a bind, a bind

Tomorrow, what price would I pay?

ASK questions. It's OK. It doesn't make you any less of a sympathetic patriot, folks. In fact, you're honoring the memory of those who gave their lives for this horrible injustice.

God bless America. Not this bastardized America we live in today, real America. We're better than this. How we all came together after 9/11 proves it.


For-Profit School's Advertising Campaign Capitalizes on the Crappy Economy and Junkies

[Ed. note: email subscribers may not be able to see the formatting below that makes it clear certain outrageous and completely sarcastic statements in the first paragraph of this post are not meant seriously. Come on over to the site and it'll all make sense, I promise. Or not. Whatever. Maybe I just miss you and want to see your pretty face.]

Just when you thought the blood-sucking degree mill "schools" you see advertised during Maury Povich mostly online, heavy-advertising, for-profit schools couldn't steep any lower get any more creative, here's an ad campaign that manages to take an admirable career goal like helping down and out depressed people and turn it into a sick, twisted fishing net cast to gather up already broke, wanna-be professionals to milk them for every penny they don't have really interesting commentary on the economy.

It begins: "Capella University understands rough economic times have led to an increase in clinical depression. Drug and alcohol abuse is up and those dealing with grief don't have access to the professional help they need."

This is where Capella tries to convince you that they are the gateway to bridge these poor, lost, perfectly diverse subway wanderers to you, the world's next greatest counselor. Yes you can!

Wait, maybe you can't.

If you, prospective Capella student, read the fine print, you'll see that you may not get as far as you think you can professionally with a Capella degree. "Capella University cannot guarantee licensure, certification, or endorsement. State regulations vary regarding professional licensure and salary benefits. It is learners' responsibility to understand and comply with requirements for their state," their website reads. That seems weird.

Or does it? Check out this case from Pennsylvania:

Petitioner, a resident of Nazareth, obtained her Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology in 1998 from East Stroudsburg University.   She obtained her Masters of Science degree from Capella University (Capella) in Minneapolis, Minnesota on March 29, 2001, and was awarded a doctoral degree from Capella on August 31, 2004, in Clinical Psychology.

On December 8, 2005, Petitioner filed an application to practice psychology with the Board of Psychology.   In a letter dated November 22, 2006, the Petitioner's application was preliminarily denied.   In pertinent part, the letter stated:

The Board reviewed your Application for a License to Practice Psychology at its November 20-21, 2006 meeting. The Board has preliminarily denied your application because your Ph.D. degree from Cappella [sic] University does not meet the following definition of a ‘doctoral degree in psychology’ found in § 41.1 [1] of the Board's regulations:  ‘(xii) Has a residency requirement that each degree candidate complete a minimum of two consecutive academic semesters as a matriculated student physically present at the institution granting the degree ․’

Here's a really fun PDF on the appeal.

I mean come on, the Capella YouTube page description has an asterisk after "accredited" - it doesn't get much more official than that:

Capella University is an accredited* fully online university that has built its reputation by providing quality education for working adults.
Thing is, that little asterisk is like a door in the Winchester Mystery House, it leads to nowhere. Notice how clever the "accredited* fully online" part is? Capella's "Accreditation" page doesn't make it any clearer either. Any guesses?

Anyhoo, Capella also got sued by an Illinois pension fund 2010. The fund alleged Capella misled investors (oh here we go with that again) by failing to disclose allegedly "abusive and fraudulent recruiting and financial aid lending practices."

Know what I find hilarious? The fact that students ranked Capella a C in "Campus Beauty" and "Campus Maintenance" on this review site. IT'S FULLY ONLINE! You might be able to blame Capella for a lot of things but your dirty ass house isn't one of them.

I shouldn't be questioning any of this stuff too loudly or Capella might get mad and go all Monsanto on my ass. You see, they agreed to settle a counterclaim lawsuit claiming defamation and interference with business relationships against a former Capella student named Jeffry La Marca in 2009. La Marca was a former student who claimed Capella discriminated against him on the basis of his disability, and dismissed him from the university after he sought reasonable accommodation. In the end, he was required to post an apology, hand over ownership of his anti-Capella websites to Capella and received no compensation.

Why is everyone so heated about Capella anyway? Oh wait, here's a recent Capella-produced paper on student debt (hilarious, I know) that goes perfect with the Department of Education OIG audit from 2006 [PDF] that found Capella deficient in several areas such as their use of government funds, how they chose to count time and how they chose to define the word "student." Like this nugget:

FFEL and Pell disbursements. The University disbursed Title IV, HEA program funds (FFEL and Pell) to students who were not enrolled in an eligible program at the time of the disbursement. As a result, the University had the use of about $3.5 million in federal funds every quarter for 2 to 10 days, and the Department may have made unnecessary interest and special allowance payments related to these funds. We recommend the Acting COO for FSA require the University to develop and implement policies and procedures to provide reasonable assurance that funds are not disbursed to students who are not enrolled.
At the time, Capella received 70% of its income from government grants, which added up to about $328,204,910 from 2002 - 2005.

The University spent considerable time trying to extract information from its computer systems that would support student attendance, but was having difficulty obtaining all needed information due to various technical issues," the OIG report reads. LOL right!

Anyway, back to that ad. I'm not implying anything about the quality of Capella's instruction, I'm just saying the ad is a bit creepy to me given how bad the situation in America really is. That's all. I swear. For realsies.

I was also freaked out by their previous "lady stalking the little girl coming home from school" campaign. Matter? What does that mean anyway? Oh well. Back to what you were doing, I'm going back to the teevee.


Florida Pizza Owner Learns Being Part of an Obama Photo Op Isn't as Cool As It Seems

So, that pizza shop dude who bear-hugged Obama? You all, being of sound mind, do realize that was completely and totally staged, right?

The sad part is that the pizza shop owner is now complaining that it's hurting his business. That, my friends, is what happens when you make a deal with the devil: in this case, the "deal" being an Obama campaign trail photo op and the devil being, well, politics as always. Derpity derp derp, Scott!

The owner of a Florida pizza shop says people are boycotting his business because he bear-hugged President Barack Obama on Sunday.

“People are saying a lot of bad things and boycotting my restaurant,” Scott Van Duzer, 46, told POLITICO. “There’s no middle line anymore, and that’s exactly what’s wrong with our country right now.”
Uh huh. What's wrong with our country is that millions of Americans saw Van Duzer lift the President of the United States off the ground and didn't immediately think "Holy shit this is faker than Keeping Up With the Kardashians!" I mean really, how many Secret Service guns would the guy have to his head if he spontaneously attempted such a stunt?

Come on. Florida. Republican small business owner. President desperately seeking re-election. Awe-struck bystanders. What part of fake is so hard to understand?


Holy Crap, We're Already in the Matrix!

You know how I knew it?

First of all:

And WTF:

And really?!

Was this shit for real?

Rollie Fingers is totally real.

Anyway... after all that, is it really that weird to suggest we might already be inside of the simulation? This shit is weird enough on its own.

Not that VICE is an authority but WTF is this?

Two years ago, Rich Terrile appeared on Through the Wormhole, the Science Channel’s show about the mysteries of life and the universe. He was invited onto the program to discuss the theory that the human experience can be boiled down to something like an incredibly advanced, metaphysical version of The Sims.

It’s an idea that every college student with a gravity bong and The Matrix on DVD has thought of before, but Rich is a well-regarded scientist, the director of the Center for Evolutionary Computation and Automated Design at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and is currently writing an as-yet-untitled book about the subject, so we’re going to go ahead and take him seriously.
The essence of Rich’s theory is that a “programmer” from the future designed our reality to simulate the course of what the programmer considers to be ancient history—for whatever reason, maybe because he’s bored.

According to Moore’s Law, which states that computing power doubles roughly every two years, all of this will be theoretically possible in the future. Sooner or later, we’ll get to a place where simulating a few billion people—and making them believe they are sentient beings with the ability to control their own destinies—will be as easy as sending a stranger a picture of your genitals on your phone.

Wait what?

So there’s a possibility we’re living in a super advanced game in some bloodshot-eyed goober’s PlayStation right now?

Exactly. The supposition here is how do you know it’s not 30 years in the future now and you’re not one of these simulations? Let me go back a step here. As scientists, we put physical processes into mathematical frameworks, or into an equation. The universe behaves in a very peculiar way because it follows mathematics. Einstein said, “The most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it’s comprehensible.” The universe does not have to work that way. It does not have to be so easy to abbreviate that I can basically write down a few pages of equations that contain enough information to simulate it.

Shut the front door!

Makes you wonder what's real huh?

Certainly not this:

How about this?

Come on.

Is THIS real at least? Christ, give us something.

Wow! the Thundercats' intro is oddly prophetic huh?

This was definitely real:

And so was this:

So? Where does that leave us?

Oh shit!!!


What Are All These Wires?

If you haven't heard, I'm moving. DC has burned out for me. Later, folks, I'll keep my DC "Taxation Without Representation" license plates as long as I can but I'm out of here.

So in packing up all my shit, I have this box of cords. Cell phones. GPS. PlayStation 3. Broadband. Ethernet. Idon'tknowwhatthefucknet. A whole box of the shit. It's just the start of it. There are burned out BlackBerrys and USB cords all over my house. Too many.

Wasn't technology supposed to make our lives easier? Here I am freaking out about whether or not I packed the right attachment for my universal charger.

Why do I even have to think about this? I expected flying cars by now.

This is bullshit.

Fine, I get music out of my watch and movies out of my video game system. How am I supposed to remember where all these cords go?

Internet, PS3, cable, iPad, WHERE WILL MY FEBREZE NOTICEABLES UNITS GO with all this shit sucking up electricity in my new house?!?!?!

I thought technology was supposed to make it easier. This doesn't seem easy. WHAT IF MY IPAD DIES ALONG THE WAY? It's a 2 hour drive to my new house. I'm freaking out. Come on, people, tell me what I'm supposed to do.

Fuck this. I want out. There's too much to keep up with and too much to be attached to.

Does the USB charger in my car take care of my iPod and BlackBerry? God, this is way more than I signed up for.

The picture above depicts maybe 1/4 of my total cord matrix in my DC condo right now. I'm confident I can unravel all of it but it's a pretty big task ahead of me. Routers. Extension cords. THE DAMN FEBREZE NOTICEABLES that make the house smell delicious but are probably killing me with toxic fumes. Whatever, at least the house smells good.

I found this Zero Hedge guest post on too much stuff to be appropriate right now. I'm trying to pack up a one bedroom DC condo, including all the crap I can't get rid of in this town.

Get it yet, America? Let it go. It's just stuff. I pledge to get rid of HALF of what I have right now before I leave DC. I'll try to give most of it away for free if no one will pay for it, versus putting it in landfill.

Anyone else with me? Let's just get rid of this shit. Trust me, it's freeing.

While we're on the subject of DC, what's up with the weird weather?

The above photo is my NYCACC death row inmate survivor cat (video of her rescue is here) wondering what the fuck is up with the sky. That's not normal. Tornadoes in Fairfax? WHAT?? She doesn't know what Fairfax is so really she doesn't give a shit. What's with the camera in my face, she's asking, not why is the sky lit up like Satan's asshole behind her. She doesn't care. Really, she's a cat, what do you expect?

Cheddar didn't really give a shit about the crazy sky but wondered out loud on Facebook why it's so weird tonight. What does a cat care about the weird weather?

So I have too much shit and the sky is pissed off. Great. I'm so excited.


The Natives Are Restless: Dude Kills Another Dude Over Some Cheetos

Buckle up, people, the shit is getting real:

An argument over a bag of chips leads to a man being stabbed to death in downtown. It happened Tuesday night and the suspect is now in police custody.

It happened at 6th and Washington, very close to the Convention Center Metrolink station. Authorities say the stabbing happened around 8:45 p.m. Tuesday.  Police say a 42-year-old man and a 49-year-old man were arguing over a bag of Cheetos when the 49-year-old stabbed the 42-year-old once in the chest.

I'm curious, is it that more of this crazy shit is happening or we're simply more aware of it because of the Internet? I really want to know. Because if the world really is flipping out, I need to prepare accordingly.

I like Flamin' Hot Cheetos as much as the next trashy girl but really? Murder? That's a tad excessive.


Fuck You, San Francisco Parking Gestapo

 Wait what? Why the fuck are you giving ME a ticket?

So I made it home to San Francisco and back in a matter of weeks and didn't get one single parking ticket.

Check this: I parked for more than ONE hour in one hour parking spaces! I didn't feed meters. I sat there for four hours when I only had two.

The last time I got a ticket in San Francisco was September of 2010. I swore then - when I was getting $300 in tickets a month, thereabouts - that I wouldn't get a single new ticket until I moved at the end of October. And damnit I didn't.

I don't really know how I did it, the San Francisco Parking Gestapo had a hard on for my "I love Jr Deputy Accountant" bumper sticker.

When I came back 2 years later with a rented SUV, I fed the meters and ran the hell on up out of there as fast as I could. They scarred me for life. I freaked at the thought of leaving my car in front of any San Francisco meter.

Not one ticket. That gives me almost TWO years free and clear of the SF Parking Gestapo. Suck it! Your parking ticket deficit is a made up definition meant to rob your citizens like their cars are piggy banks, SF. My Mazda wouldn't have it and neither would I. Some people need cars in that town, and some of us end up with cars and can't get rid of them, there's no reason we should suffer at the hands of the ruthless parking vigilantes because of it.

I moved to a place in DC with a reserved parking spot. OMFG SUCK IT SAN FRANCISCO. I did pay maybe $100 in fines to DC for parking on my street without a permit so my boyfriend could take my parking space but whatever. It's nothing like $300 a month. For nothing. Wheels not turned far enough to the curb (or away). Didn't move after 2 hours when at my employer who needs me to work 8 hours, not 2 hours and then 15 minutes off so I can circle the block looking for a new parking space. Street cleaning. Street cleaning was always the worst. The street was always as filthy as ever but I had a $90 ticket. Thanks.

Come at me, neener neener. Next time I'm in town I'm renting a fucking Party Wagon and daring you guys to ticket my ass, I escaped you this time! TWICE!

I'm not bitter. I might be mad that I have to drive everywhere here in DC and it's hell but whatever.

$100 versus $300 a month for a year = $3600 a year. Duh.


Greenspan's Body Count Shows Up on Naked Capitalism

Tuesday, September 04, 2012 , , 0 Comments

 A JDA original: Freddy Greenspan

I'm beyond honored that WC Varones has allowed me the opportunity to update the layout and serve as unofficial webmaster for Greenspan's Body Count, which includes updating our Facebook presence and hunting down links related to Greenspan's casualties in his wake.

So when we ended up on Naked Capitalism, I have to say I was sort of extra honored. Or moved. Or touched. Or whatever. Too bad there are dead bodies involved:

Every week, it seems there’s another tragic story about a suicide or murder-suicides linked to foreclosure trauma. Some of the more spectacular murder-by-foreclosure stories the past few years have been collected by a blog called “Greenspan’s Body Count”—others, myself included, have been writing about these terrible stories of class warfare being waged by the only side fighting it, and winning it, as Warren Buffett rightly said.

Before the 2008 crisis, the media paid little attention to the death toll taken on Americans by the decades-long class warfare waged against the 99%. Now they’re impossible to ignore. Stories like the US soldier in Iraq who committed suicide so that his wife could collect life insurance, and save their family home from foreclosure. Or the courtroom-suicide in Phoenix, in which a Yale-educated banker-swindler swallowed a cyanide capsule after being found guilty of setting his 10,000 sq foot McMansion on fire as a way of collecting insurance and evading mortgage payments he couldn’t afford.

Follow Greenspan's Body Count on Facebook for up-to-date info on where our favorite homicidal maniac is today and we thank you for your support.


Someone at Living Social Needs More Work to Do

Doing that 2pm workday slump way wrong, my friend.

 Clicky to embiggy

Now, in what professional context could this be a legit search?

2 for 1 Living Social deal on boob jobs?

Birdwatching special?

No, pretty sure it's just someone with not enough work to do using the company PP&E to Google chicks with small tits. I'm honored that Google thinks my post about wearing a push-up bra to the airport is relevant to this search.


It's Totally Unexpected That Manufacturing Tumbled Unexpectedly

OMG you guys, I totally didn't see this coming!! How did this happen?! Next you're going to tell me unemployment is up too!


U.S. stocks added to Tuesday losses after a gauge of U.S. manufacturing unexpectedly showed contraction in August. The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell 69.50 points, or 0.5%, to 13,021.34. The S&P 500 index shed 6.29 points, or 0.5%, to 1,400.29. The Nasdaq Composite declined 12.16 points, or 0.4%, to 3,054.80.
It's so unexpected that even when it happens two months in a row it's unexpected!

Anyone else get the feeling we should get some better economists who might be able to spot this stuff coming from a mile away?


Even Geniuses Are Confused By "Bernanke Bucks"

What happens when you get a bunch of Mensa members in a room and try to get them to understand a fake monetary system based loosely on our own monetary system? Hilarity and confusion abound, obviously.

Go fucking figure:

"I don't understand these 'Bernanke Bucks' at all," said Flannery, a 34-year Mensa member from North Tustin, grinning as she described the fake money she used to buy herself and a friend their VIP table seats. "All I know is that it got us this."

About 110 Mensa members from as far away as Arizona and Washington took part in the Bernanke Bucks social experiment during the Orange County Mensa chapter's annual Labor Day weekend summit, held this year at the Radisson Suites Hotel in Buena Park. It started Friday and runs through Monday.

Genius fun time isn't all that different from real life, as we discover:

As is the case in the real world of personal finance, many Mensa members like Flannery did not spend time trying to understand how the Bernanke Bucks were distributed, spent and earned, said the game's brainchild, Mensa member Al Schwartz of Irvine. As a result, only a privileged few were able to work the system to their advantage by the second day of the conference Saturday, he reported.

"I don't tell them what to do," said Schwartz, the game's moderator and a retired synthetic organic chemist. "They're in control. I'm a door, and they choose to do the walking through it."
Wealth is such a draw - even when it's fake - that it can lure even the most skeptical in the group to sacrifice their moral fortitude just for a chance to dine at the 1% table:

Karon Roberts, a 25-year Mensa member from Anaheim, said she initially was conflicted about participating in the Bernanke Bucks game because of her egalitarian life philosophy. But by Saturday morning, Roberts, who was placed into an upper economic tier, decided to put her personal convictions aside and take a seat at the VIP dining table.

"I had lox and bagels and champagne for breakfast," said Roberts, laughing as she recalled the opulent, full-service meal. "It seemed like a bad idea at first – my personal philosophy is things should be good for everyone. But I decided to get off my high horse."
I hear the Fed has a few high horses on its balance sheet, any takers?


Struggling California Pension Funds Betting on Facebook's Popularity... 30 Years From Now


Apparently, CalPERS and CalSTRS aren't the only investment-challenged pension funds that decided to sink a bunch of money into the obvious farce that was the Facebook IPO, but they might be the only ones stupid enough to think Facebook will even be around in 30 years:

The California Public Employees' Retirement System, the country's largest public pension, refused to reveal how many shares it bought in the IPO. CalPERS had 557,140 Facebook shares on May 23 and more than doubled its stake to 1.3 million shares as of this week, according to a spokeswoman.

The California State Teachers' Retirement System bought about 500,000 shares in the IPO — worth about $19 million — and sold them when the price briefly popped on the first day. CalSTRS made about $250,000 on the sale, a spokesman said.

CalSTRS has since loaded up on 1.2 million Facebook shares, a stake that has cost the pension fund about $17 million in paper losses, a spokesman said.

"As a patient, long-term investor with a 30-year investment horizon we believe that over time, the stock and the company should perform well," CalSTRS spokesman Michael Sicilia said in an email.
Now let's see, I'm on the low end of 30 myself. Personal computers were NOT in every home when I was born (if you told me when I was a broke 7 year old that one day when I was a grown-up, I'd have not one but THREE fully functional laptops AND a magical space age device called an iPad, I would have kicked you in the balls), CDs were brand new and still came in oversized wrappers and your level of cool was directly related to the largeness of your Walkman, if you could afford one.

In my lifetime, I've seen the Internet go from chik-chik-squeeeeeeeeeee $2.99 an hour AOL to a given in every city cafe, library and palm in the country. I've mourned the loss of my car cassette player and its accompanying mix tapes that gave way to an AUX plug and playlists.

I've been on the Internet since 1994 at the ripe old age of 13. I can say with 100% certainty that I no longer participate in any Internet communities (Web -0.1, if you will) that I did then. In fact, I don't think I participate in a single Internet community or website I did even 10 years ago. The closest thing you'll get is my 9 year old Neopets account that has since been handed down to my son, opened just two months after he was born to give me something to do those late sleepless nights on diaper duty.

Facebook is not a technology company like Microsoft, it can only innovate so much before it becomes obsolete. It is a WEBSITE. Can any of us even begin to imagine what the Internet will look like 30 years from now? I sure didn't imagine it like this 18 years ago when I snuck onto Prodigy to talk to Alice In Chains fans across the country in the chat room while my mom was sleeping.

Ask the dog how things worked out for him next time you're seriously considering any Internet stock as a smart, long-term investment. In case you've forgotten (I know I was probably blitzed out of my mind in 1999, ah good times), went from IPO to liquidation in 268 days.

You still can't prove that Facebook knows how to make money. Sure it can sell its user base but eventually, the little sheep will wake up and realize they're giving away their lives for free.

I thought AOL was really cool in 1995. And now look at it. Think about that for a minute.

Let us know how that works out for y'all! Suckers.