Fuck You, San Francisco Parking Gestapo

 Wait what? Why the fuck are you giving ME a ticket?

So I made it home to San Francisco and back in a matter of weeks and didn't get one single parking ticket.

Check this: I parked for more than ONE hour in one hour parking spaces! I didn't feed meters. I sat there for four hours when I only had two.

The last time I got a ticket in San Francisco was September of 2010. I swore then - when I was getting $300 in tickets a month, thereabouts - that I wouldn't get a single new ticket until I moved at the end of October. And damnit I didn't.

I don't really know how I did it, the San Francisco Parking Gestapo had a hard on for my "I love Jr Deputy Accountant" bumper sticker.

When I came back 2 years later with a rented SUV, I fed the meters and ran the hell on up out of there as fast as I could. They scarred me for life. I freaked at the thought of leaving my car in front of any San Francisco meter.

Not one ticket. That gives me almost TWO years free and clear of the SF Parking Gestapo. Suck it! Your parking ticket deficit is a made up definition meant to rob your citizens like their cars are piggy banks, SF. My Mazda wouldn't have it and neither would I. Some people need cars in that town, and some of us end up with cars and can't get rid of them, there's no reason we should suffer at the hands of the ruthless parking vigilantes because of it.

I moved to a place in DC with a reserved parking spot. OMFG SUCK IT SAN FRANCISCO. I did pay maybe $100 in fines to DC for parking on my street without a permit so my boyfriend could take my parking space but whatever. It's nothing like $300 a month. For nothing. Wheels not turned far enough to the curb (or away). Didn't move after 2 hours when at my employer who needs me to work 8 hours, not 2 hours and then 15 minutes off so I can circle the block looking for a new parking space. Street cleaning. Street cleaning was always the worst. The street was always as filthy as ever but I had a $90 ticket. Thanks.

Come at me, neener neener. Next time I'm in town I'm renting a fucking Party Wagon and daring you guys to ticket my ass, I escaped you this time! TWICE!

I'm not bitter. I might be mad that I have to drive everywhere here in DC and it's hell but whatever.

$100 versus $300 a month for a year = $3600 a year. Duh.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


Anonymous said...

Two words....GEORGE. W. !!!! SCHWAT???