So It Comes to This: Chase ATMs in NY Dispense Fake Money

OK OK, that headline is a little misleading. You see, some ATM-servicing employee (not employed by JPM) decided taking REAL money and swapping it with horribly bad FAKE money would be a good idea.

Nearly $110,000 in counterfeit bills were discovered at two Chase ATM's in Midtown on Monday.

According to police, the forged bills were detected at the bank's branches on West 57th Street and on Ninth Avenue by an alarm monitoring for counterfeit money. They were also easily distinguishable as fake because they only had printing on one side of the bills.
A JP Morgan Chase spokesperson said "We are working to get all the facts and don’t want to come to any conclusions too early. Obviously, all of our customers who withdrew money will be made whole." We believe them because we know what a commitment Chase has to the sanctity of the dollar. In all seriousness, in the year or so I banked with them I had zero issues and would have continued as a loyal customer had there been Chase banks out in DC after I left California. Yeah, sacrilege, I know, don't hate me, I have nothing against them when it comes to the customer-bank relationship part. The rest of it, however, I could live without but how the hell is a girl supposed to pay her bills without opting in to the evil cabal? I did it for 5 years and let me tell you, it isn't easy nor cheap.

The funniest part of the whole thing, of course, is that even "real" money is "fake" money but shhh, let's not go there.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.