Visual Evidence From Across the Country As Black Friday Madness Overtakes The Masses

Remember years ago when it was totally normal for a store to stay closed on Thanksgiving and for overindulgent Americans to sit around the Friday after Thanksgiving digesting the meal from the evening before? As if stuffing our faces to the point of popping buttons on our pants weren't embarrassing enough, somehow it became normal for stores to open Thanksgiving night and for stampedes of sale-hungry morons to trample each other for a bunch of made-in-China crap no one actually needs. Oh the shame, America, the shame.

Thanks to the proliferation of camera phones, the shame is saved for eternity and all over the Internet. Let's point and laugh, shall we?

Here's a Dick's Sporting Goods cashier passed out as captured by Twitter user @stevie_lynn.

Here's a future consumer about to get buried in a pile of crappy discount shoes in South Carolina. Note many Rampage styles regularly retail for $69.99 - $39.99 at Famous Footwear. Hope the extra couple of bucks saved was worth looking like greedy freaks on an episode of Supermarket Sweep, you tools.

That's a line to get into Best Buy according to this Instagram pic uncredited by the Daily Mail. BEST BUY, people.

Here's a scene of madness at Walmart last night. You know, when most people should be napping off their food coma and when those poor underpaid saps who work at Walmart should be with their families.

Black Friday logic dictates that even if you don't need it, you should buy, like, 3 of them because they are on sale and therefore you're saving even MORE money! Disregard the fact that you're spending more than you need to:
There were 11 shoppers in a four-tent encampment outside a Best Buy store near Ann Arbor, Michigan. The purpose of their wait? A $179 40-inch Toshiba LCD television is worth missing Thanksgiving dinner at home.

Jackie Berg, 26, of Ann Arbor, arrived first with her stepson and a friend Wednesday afternoon, seeking three of the televisions. The deal makes the TVs $240 less than their normal price, so Berg says that she'll save more than $700.
Um... does Jackie realize she could have actually saved almost as much by NOT BUYING TVs AT ALL?!

Of course, you can always try to turn around and pawn your Black Friday booty off on Craigslist. Keep in mind the 50-inch Westinghouse LCD HDTV was on sale for $349 at Target and this guy in Minneapolis is trying to get $450 for it. This dick in Rochester wants $500. Worse, this asshat in Las Vegas wants $600. And WOW, this prick in Orlando is actually asking $700 for this low end garbage! In fact, the things are all over Craigslist all over the country so if you missed out on this amazing "doorbuster," go ahead and get your financial backdoor busted by one of these tools trying to make a buck. Word to the wise, check out the comments on the Westinghouse Facebook page before you pull the trigger, especially for $700.

But wait, there's more! You know there's video of the shopping madness too. Thank you, YouTube, what would we do without you?

I've watched a lot of zombie movies in my day and let me tell you, this is exactly what it looks like toward the end of the movie when the zombies get their hands on one of the few alive dudes left and make a snack of his intestines while still technically connected to his body.

Shoppers storming a Victoria's Secret at Woodland Hills Mall in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm not a terribly religious person but I've read the Bible once or twice and this reminds me of Matthew 7:13 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it."

It's great when you can involve your children in what will become the crippling nightmare of their adulthood that is consumerism. Sure, the guy in this video says he brought the kids to show them what animals people can be on this horrible day but given the real deaths that have resulted from Black Friday madness in the past, he might as well bring his kids out onto a destruction derby racetrack to teach them how to drive.

Black Friday wouldn't be Black Friday without a bunch of animals fighting over shitty cellphones. I can't believe this is real and people - human beings - would willingly subject themselves to this.

Alright, so this guy Mark Dice is funny, if a little too Alex Jones-y about it. Watch him troll the "zombies" and cops protecting the scene at a Best Buy in Oceanside, CA.

WC Varones said it best today: you don't need that shit. Well, he technically said "sh!t" because he doesn't like to swear on his website and I respect him for that (even though I've done it... my bad, bro).

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. How many TVs does one human being need? I admittedly have 2 but one is a bad ass 20" Sharp Aquos I picked up cheap on Craigslist over two years ago which is about to celebrate its 10th birthday! Now THAT is a deal.

Jr Deputy Accountant

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.


W.C. Varones said...

Great post.

I said "sh!t" only because I'm paranoid there's some fascist search engines out there that filter spontaneous expression.

W.C. Varones said...

P.S. I've run into that guy Mark Dice once before and initially I thought he was a leftist plant to discredit the resistance because he was so over the top.

But no, he is legit, and he's funny as hell, and right about most shit, but definitely a little Alex Jones-y.

Love the video.

I loved the lady who kept coming out telling him to knock it off as he was "upsetting" the zombies. It was such a "don't feed the animals" moment.