The Social Network To Beat All Social Networks: PRSM!
Are you sick of having to cross-post your location, dinner, cats and other private information across multiple social networks? Would you like to see your tax money spent monitoring your online activity better utilized? Well boy have I got the social network for you!
PRSM features a massive Titan Supercomputer capable of handling one quadrillion requests per second and a datacenter that can store up to 5 zettabytes of information! That's like bazillions of dinners around the country seamlessly logged every second! Considering many Americans are broke and starving, the processing power of this beast far exceeds actual meals consumed by the citizens of the United States.
This bad ass network stores your entire life in one convenient place. What you buy, what you're reading, what you download, who you speak to, where you've been, the content of your emails... it's all sorted and tucked away for your own safety because you might be a terrorist and don't even know it!
Ready to sign up now? Don't bother, you already are! That's right, PRSM is so advanced you don't even have to opt-in (and can't opt-out because, well, only bad guys with something to hide would want to do such a thing).
Alright, so it's a joke. Kind of. It would be funnier if it were an actual joke and not the world we live in today.
But hey, you have nothing to be afraid of if you have nothing to hide, right? Yeah, right.