The Creepiest, Most Stalkery Government Agency You Never Heard Of

The NGA was cool before you ever heard of them.

For those who may not know us well, NGA is both a Combat Support Agency AND a national intelligence agency. We have statutory responsibilities to support policymakers, warfighters, first responders, homeland security, and the greater Intelligence Community (IC).
The very nature of what we do – geospatial intelligence – GEOINT – makes us a critical partner for everyone we serve.
GEOINT not only tells you what is happening anywhere on earth, but we strive to reveal why it matters and what is likely to happen next.
NGA has a unique—perhaps the broadest—mission set of any intelligence agency.
We provide timely warning and strategic intelligence about global crises to national and military decision makers -- sometimes we have the first -- and only --insight into denied areas.
By law, we are the lead agency that ensures safety of navigation in the air and on the seas with the most current maps and charts.
We defend against cyber threats with in-depth analysis of the logical and physical networks. We bring together the “bits and the bytes” with the “bricks and the mortar” to provide the physical locations and manifestations of where the networks and cyber units are operating around the globe.
We lead Human Geography efforts across the IC – we enhance the Community’s understanding through deeper geospatial-temporal analysis of human activity to better understand patterns of life within their environmental context.
Finally, we assist first responders with global humanitarian and disaster relief efforts.

What in the actual fuck? So here everyone has been worried about the NSA reading our stupid sexts and these guys are all up in our collective virtual nuts (the "bits and the bytes")?

But wait, they need our help to let them just sweep in as much data as possible (yes, they wrote that):

And in this era of declining budgets, the IC simply cannot scale to compete with the digital production of the entire world. We cannot manually examine all the data we can collect.
We must gain “Big Value” from “Big Data” by actively pursuing the Director of National Intelligence’s top priority of intelligence integration at every level.
We must integrate our Community networks and systems, leverage each other’s sensors and phenomenologies, and further collaborate on community-wide analysis. This must be done with enhanced technology.
You – our S-P-I-E partners – are key contributors to making this integration a reality. You can:
    • Support the integration of intelligence sensors on future delivery platforms.
    • Support the IC Information Technology Enterprise – IC ITE – and the fusion of all intelligence sources through its cloud infrastructure.
    • Help develop the automated tools we need – preferably located as close as possible to, or on, the sensors themselves.
These tools must automatically capture, curate, store, search, analyze, and visualize as much raw data as they can.
They must also largely assume the analyst’s traditional functions of monitoring “known” targets.
"SPIE partners"? Bwahahaha. Classic.