KPMG's Choice of a Female CEO Only Proves How Far We Have to Go to Achieve True Gender Equality

Here we go again. I'm a little late weighing in on this -- except for a short quip on Twitter -- because, forgive me, I'm just not all up in the accounting news these days now that I've been released from my leash as Managing Editor of Going Concern.

But when I saw this, I just had to say something:

Why good for KPMG? Because she has a vagina? Wow, talk about sexist.

From the KPMG press release:

KPMG in the U.S. has elected Lynne Doughtie to serve as its next Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, for a five-year term starting July 1. Doughtie currently leads KPMG’s Advisory business, and has distinguished herself in numerous leadership positions since launching her career in the firm’s Audit practice three decades ago.

“It is an honor to have the chance to lead KPMG at such a pivotal moment, when ensuring quality and confidence in the work we do has never been more important,” said Doughtie. “Our firm, our clients and the entire marketplace are looking at a future of unprecedented change and extraordinary opportunity, where ‘business-as-usual’ is going to mean constant innovation and transformation. I’m excited to team with our incredibly talented people, as we work closely with companies and other organizations to help them address their most complex challenges and opportunities.” 
So, besides the fact that she lacks a Y chromosome, she's basically a perfect fit for the good old boy team: 30 year veteran of Kool Aid drinking, over the age of 50, prepared with nonsense quotes about the work the firm does as if any of it involves anything other than making money for the firm. A shoe in, really, so her lady parts are just a bonus for the firm to get lots of pats on the back for being disruptive and innovative and super chick-friendly and stuff.

Stop it. You know we have a long way to go toward gender equality when the fact that a firm chooses a female for a leadership position is the lead on any press release. So what, she's a woman.

Don't get me wrong, we could use more women in leadership positions. But so long as their appointments come with jerky-offy congratulations over choosing women, then we haven't really progressed any. Real progress comes when we elect women not because it's the PC or trendy thing to do, but because they are the best qualified for the position and no one needs to be like "HEY GUYS LOOK AT US WE PICKED A CHICK THOUGH!"

In KPMG's defense, their press release did nothing of the sort. It highlighted her many accomplishments, not her her-ness. And we need more of that. But then we have this:

Doughtie has been recognized with numerous honors and awards throughout her career, including being named one of Consulting Magazine’s “Top 25 Consultants” and “Top Women Leaders in Consulting.” She was also featured in Profiles in Diversity Journal’s “Women Worth Watching,” and recognized in Accounting Today’s “Women in Accounting.”
So she ranks up there with the best consultants but her other achievements are apparently limited to being a woman in her chosen field. Awesome. Girl power. Chicks and stuff, or something. Fuck, we have further to go than I thought.

Lynne sounds like an awesome person and here's hoping she can lead KPMG through what promises to be an interesting time for not just her firm but the rest. KPMG is wise to put someone from Advisory at the helm of the ship since no one gives a fuck about Audit. Note I said "someone" not "a lady" because it needs to not be about which set of chromosomes a person was given at birth.


Why This Southern Pickle Company is Everything That's Right With American Business

Friday, April 24, 2015 , , 0 Comments

So, the other day I went to dig into a brand new large jar of Mt Olive kosher dills -- a brand I buy because it's "local," founded in 1926 in North Carolina -- when I found myself on the sharp end of a broken jar and a lid that just refused to come off. It was the weirdest thing. I hit the lid several times with the blunt end of a butter knife but it still stuck tight. One last hit and when I tried to twist it, the entire jar shattered at the top, sending pickle juice and glass flying everywhere in my kitchen.

Huh, weird. Well I called the Mt Olive customer service line to report the steadfast lid not because I expected anything in return but because this might be a quality control issue and I didn't want any other pickle enthusiasts to experience the trouble I did should this be a problem with the batch.

I guess I was surprised, then, when customer service offered to send me coupons and a "gift pack," whatever that might be. Well sure, I love pickles and this whole broken glass thing wasn't about to turn me off from more of them.

Check out this pickle jar. I mean that lid wasn't coming off for ANYONE, much less my meat paws clawing at it.

I respect that lid in many ways, really. It sticks to its guns. Even when everything is falling down around it, it holds tight. In some ways, that lid is my spirit animal.

Anyway, after making sure my cats were OK once I explained how glass went flying everywhere in my kitchen where my cats eat, the Mt Olive customer service lady wanted to make this right. What's right in this case? I really wanted a pickle at that exact moment and couldn't have one for fear of ending up with glass shards as a side but don't think I didn't contemplate washing the pickles off and eating one anyway (I didn't).

Well, they sent out a damn case of pickles to me. AN ENTIRE 11 LB BOX OF PICKLE ASSORTMENT. Surely this made up for my lack of pickle at the very moment that jar shattered on me, lid still hanging tight.

Just look at it. I'm not even that big of a fan of Bread & Butter pickles yet I'm looking at those B&B slices like OMG, get in my belly. I already could live off Mt Olive's peppers alone for at least a year or two before I get some kind of weird nutrient deficiency in my joints so I think I'll give the salad peppers to my boyfriend but OMG RELISH TOO?

All this to say, I was really impressed by the way they handled my complaint, which wasn't really a complaint but more a heads up like hey, this one lid of yours was really stubborn and if others are like it, they might cut people who are less dextrous than me in their attempt to get at the delicious pickles. I didn't get cut, I cleaned up the mess just fine, and now I have this gift pack of amazing pickle offerings to grub on. I'd say all in all it worked out OK.

I'll still buy Mt Olive since they're readily available and delicious. And I appreciate, above all else, the fact that a real person with a charming southern accent picked up the phone and tried to make this right for me. Right as in PICKLES, GET IN MY BELLY. Hey, I'll take it. *nom nom nom*


Getting Your News by Meme Only Makes You Look Stupid, As Evidenced By This Stupid Ass Ted Cruz Meme

So a "friend" posted this other day, accompanied with a bunch of expletives about what a toolbag Ted Cruz is. While I may not find Ted Cruz to be an upstanding, awesome individual, I don't think it's fair to put words in his mouth either.

Let's see the meme:

Yeah, cool story bro but he never actually said that.

Was his talk SUPER Christ-y and a bit douchey? Sure it was. You can read the whole transcript yourself and just find me a mention of GAYS or ATHEISTS. I didn't see one. Please, by all means, correct me if I'm wrong. I can wait.

Now he did make the mistake of implying that this country is founded on GOD as in HOLY ALMIGHTY GOD OF GOD IS MY CO-PILOT JESUS FISH bumper stickers God but hey, he has to appeal to his constituency after all. Those middle America right wing Rush loving yokels love to get their God quotes from Canadian Cubans, after all.

Still, he didn't say this. He didn't say anything even close to this.

Am I the only one who thinks the upcoming election will be the worst yet? Granted, I was born in the age of Reagan so my bar is already low but holy fuck, are memes the best opponents have got? Making up fake ass quotes to get the lathered up mouthbreathers to share them as the gospel? Oh Lawd Jesus save me now.

Why do I get the feeling I'll be writing in my cat for president this go round? Let's just start the Cash Money for President campaign now, eh?
A photo posted by Adrienne Gonzalez (@adriennenvy) on