Congressional Candidate Accidentally Facebooks His Porn Preferences, Everyone Loses Their Shit
So, you may have heard but wannabe 8th District of Virginia Congressman Mike Webb made a fatal Internet error earlier today: sharing without double-checking. Never, NOT EVER, do you take a screenshot of your desktop without checking the entirety of said desktop. Personally I wouldn't give a shit if a stray xHamster tab popped up on one of my shares but hey, I'm not running for office.
Here's the offending post from the Mike Webb for Congress Facebook page:
WAVRO DOES HUMAN RESOURCES, RIGHT?
Call it "serendipity," but around August of last year, I was still in the process of looking for a new job, as everyone certainly knows. So, when I received a telephone call from Curzon Staffing Agency in Alexandria, home of the incumbent, I was all too anxious to learn about an invitation to an interview. Having to depart work in DC for the scheduled 11 AM interview in Alexandria, I called back the number on my cell phone to confirm the location at which I was to report, but the receptionist answered. And, lo and behold, was I surprised when I arrived on time and was told by the receptionist that the party with whom I had spoken about an interview and made arrangements was not employed by that firm.
Just paranoia, right? This happens to everybody all the time. I have to admit, personally, none of this stuff ever happened to me until I decided to think about running for office in this town. Maybe I should call Matt Wavro and, as he describes, beg him to allocate party resources to help me with this. That's okay, Matt, I think we got this.
I am Mike Webb, and I am running for U.S. Congress. Honest.
He then attached a screenshot -- or rather, what appears to be a PDF of a screenshot, which somehow makes this worse.
See the upper left hand corner of his Internet Explorer (LOL) tabs? Well, it's porn. Yup, homeboy likes to get his fap on between talking shit about Matt Wavro, and who can blame him since he's unemployed so he has tons of time and Matt Wavro is so cute if you're into that whole Law & Order child abduction suspect look.
In an update on his Facebook page, it seems Mr. Webb may be -- as we in the South like to say -- a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, bless his heart. But I believe he's saying the porn was just an experiment, which would be entirely logical if he hadn't shared his experiment with the entire world:
Curious by nature, I wanted to test the suggestion that somehow, lurking out in the pornographic world there is some evil operator waiting for the one in a gazillion chance that a candidate for federal office would go to that particular website and thereby be infected with a virus that would cause his or her FEC data file to crash the FECfile application each time that it was loaded on the day of the filing deadline, as well as impact other critical campaign systems.
Here's the thing: it's only porn. We've all seen porn. Say it with me: WE HAVE ALL SEEN PORN. If you want to pretend like you haven't, either you are underage or you are a big fat fucking liar. We're so damn uptight in the U.S. we won't even let mothers feed their kids in the presence of other kids (what will the children think about that BREAST!), porn really shouldn't be that big of a deal. And it isn't.
I'm more worried about the fact that he uses Yahoo in Internet Explorer. Do you really want your grandma representing you in Congress? Next he's going to tell us he lost his life savings trying to invest in a complex Dinar exchange program with a nice young man from Nigeria.
But let the porn thing go. Make sure you're not so blinded by schadenfreude you don't forget what your own browser history looks like. That's all I'm saying. Pervs.