Sunday, March 13, 2016 0 Comments

Hatched in a not at all secret lab on the north side of Milwaukee, Adrienne spent her early years reading voraciously, beating the shit out of the neighbor boys for calling her Four Eyes, and writing prose dedicated to her guinea pigs. Like most wonky-eyed Midwestern children of the 80s, she sported a hilariously bad perm, Golden Girls glasses, and too tight terrycloth John Stockton shorts no human being had any business wearing. It was truly a dark time for all of us.

A photo posted by Adrienne Gonzalez (@adriennenvy) on

Adrienne was first published in 1989, making her print debut in the flimsy one page edition of her elementary school paper. By 10, she'd written her first novel, albeit a horrible one. At 14, she interned at a newspaper in liberal playground Madison, WI, which helped shape her thirst for tedious copy, X-acto knives, and infuriatingly indifferent editors. It was at this point in her young life that she discovered the Internet, flannel, and Manic Panic -- all of which would make for a series of embarrassing school photos and, later, moderately embarrassing tweets.

Determined to spend her life doing bigger and better things than writing stale copy for free grocery store rags, she left the land of cheese and beer behind for sunny California. Being awful at geography and directions in general, she ended up in San Francisco instead.

At the peak of the first dot com boom of the early 2000s, Adrienne got wasted with the Pets.com sock puppet at Kilowatt and lived out of the back of a Kozmo.com van for at least 6 months. Unfortunately, the bottom of the dot com boom would soon drop out, as did the back axle of the Kozmo van.

With loving encouragement from the local dope fiends living out of the space toilet at the 16th and Mission BART station, Adrienne took a job at a CPA review company, helping accountants pass the CPA exam. Ever the insatiable reader, she could often be seen on the 38 Geary with her nose buried in a Regulation textbook. Mostly because learning about accounting is way more interesting than watching a homeless guy in a dress pee on a bus driver.

She currently resides somewhere along the James River in Richmond, VA, and can sometimes be found wearing something other than workout gear and mud-crusted trail runners. 

She'll finish this "About" section later when she feels like it. HOLLA.